Today's RE-Fuel

Yes, it has been a little while since my last post.  The reason is I hit a stumbling block.  It was a mental block that I let myself fall into when someone close to me criticized my character.  I struggled for a couple weeks with this because I let it affect me.  There are times when I forget that only I have the ability to build the life I want.

That brings up a question that I ask myself constantly.  Can you ever suffer enough failure or rejection to prevent you from succeeding or being happy?  The answer, without a doubt in my mind, is NO.  Success is, and always has been, simply defined as getting up just one more time than you are knocked down.  Leaders throughout history have succeeded despite failure and ridicule because they didn't let someone else point a finger and cast doubt upon them.

Despite all of your past poor choices, all of your failures, all of those times when you doubt your purpose, and all those times when you question whether you have the right to create the life you want, it is always up to you.  No one can take away your right to be happy unless you let them. 

I've heard portions of the quote below and I wondered what it really meant.  Does fear keep us from succeeding?  It does if we are afraid to take the risk.  It does if we are afraid to step outside the box that others want to put us in.  Look at this quote, break it down line by line and come to terms with the FACT that your potential in this lifetime is immeasurable.  You are always worthy of success and happiness!!!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Today's Fuel

I really dislike drama both in my life and in the workplace.  When you reach the point where you start thinking about positivity every day you begin to crave sources of positivity.  Conversely, you begin to easily recognize sources of negativity (aka drama).  In my opinion, the worst type of negativity is gossip.  Gossip serves one purpose--to harm!

Here are two strategies, or agreements, from Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements.  The first agreement is from the perspective of the purveyor of gossip: Be impeccable with your word.  Choose wisely the words and thoughts you place on other people, and speak with integrity.  You have a choice when you open your mouth and form sounds.  You can either spread hatred, anger and negativity which only alienates those around you; or you can promulgate truth, love and gratitude which lifts the people around you.  It seems obvious to me, but ask yourself who you would rather surround yourself with.

The second strategy is the second agreement from the perspective of the target of gossip: Don't take anything personally.  This is a tough concept for me to grasp because I tend to get angry when someone takes advantage of or hurts someone else.  But, the idea here is that anything that another person does is because of them and their thoughts, NOT because of you!  This seems like a complete contradiction to the philosophy of "an eye for an eye."  Think about this concept instead: The only people you should try to get even with are those who have helped you.  This mentality releases you from keeping score of the negativity cast toward you.  You will begin to seek out the positive influences in your life and devote your effort to perpetuate the good.

So, here are assignments for this week.

1. Make an effort to end all gossip that comes your way.  Break that chain, today!  Begin to build your world based on love.
2. If you have been "keeping score" of all the bad experiences in your life then wipe that slate clean.  Work to become immune to the negative opinions of others so that you can begin to see the positivity that people bring to you.  Keep track of these good events and good people, and write a thank you note!

Take just a moment to realize the feelings of love and positivity inside you are like candles.  Thousands of other candles can be lit from your flame, and yet it never decreases the life of your candle.

I believe in each and every one of you!

Today's Fuel

I recall a conversation I had with a former boss about performance evaluations and feedback.  He was quite a bit older and had been with the company for nearly 30 years.  When I told him employees needed positive reinforcement he replied, "When I was new I never needed anyone to tell me I was doing a good job. We just did our job and if we screwed up we heard about it."  Really?

I believe in positive reinforcement.  I believe in telling people they are doing a good job to perpetuate their behavior.  It's the same with my kids.  I also believe in positive reinforcement because it just feels good to be positive.  I selected a book from my bookcase this morning thinking about this idea.  It is called Ten Powerful Phrases for Positive People by Rich DeVos.

The phrases are short, simple and easy-to-use in everyday life.  They are:

1. I'm wrong.
2. I'm sorry.
3. You can do it.
4. I believe in you.
5. I'm proud of you.
6. Thank you.
7. I need you.
8. I trust you.
9. I respect you.
10. I love you.

In business perhaps the last one is not as relevant, but take just a moment to reflect on how many times you could use these phrases to empower the people around you.  You can offer them fuel to ignite their fire of positivity and that energy perpetuates unto itself.

Many years later, in response to my former boss' comment, I finally have a comeback.  This, too, comes from Rich Devos' book.  There are enough "expert critics" in the world who only speak up about things that are wrong.  "Although people seem to need to vent and grumble at times, they are drawn to the positive and will follow those who blaze a positive trail."

So, today's fuel comes with a challenge.  Make a checklist of the phrases above and use them, from your heart, every single day of your life.  Look for opportunities to share these words with everyone and watch them light up.  You will be amazed at the abundant joy that comes back to you and the happiness that will surround you.

Thank you!

Why Do I Call It "Today's Fuel"?

Hundreds of people have asked why I call my postings Today's Fuel.  Alright, no one has asked but something happened the other day that I feel is the perfect example of why I chose this name.  I was talking to a girl I work with about different books and she made the comment, "you like to read all that positive self-help stuff, don't you?"  I replied "yes" and asked if she did.  She said, "Not really, I already know all that stuff."

What's funny about my response is that it was immediate.  I said, "I do, too, but I think of positive thinking like a campfire.  In order to keep it ablaze you have to keep stoking it and adding fuel.  These books and quotes are my fuel."

Positive thinking is a perishable skill.  In order to prevent this skill from expiring you must keep it fresh in your mind.  The entire purpose of these postings is for me to help myself (and anyone else who reads it) keep the fire of positivity ignited.  Once you make that leap of faith to believe a positive attitude can change your world the investment of reading or even thinking about this "positive self-help stuff" is minuscule in relation to the rewards you reap.

Control you mind and control your world!

Just a Quote for the Day

This quote caught my eye today and seems to tie in nicely from the last post.  Enjoy...

So stop waiting until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die,
until you are born again
to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy...

Author Unknown

Today's Fuel

I subscribe to Success magazine and receive email updates as a bonus.  Today, while forwarding the email to a close friend, I noticed a Quote of the Week at the bottom of the page.  I'm all about a good quote, so I took a closer look.  The quote stated: Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.—Napoleon Hill

I got to thinking.  It seems we are always trying to get somewhere better.  I know I'm guilty.  But, doesn't trying to get somewhere better imply we're unhappy where we are now?  In my case I feel like I'm at an "in between" stage in my life.

That quote also reminds me of another.  Truth be told, this is my all-time favorite quote.  There are a few versions but I prefer the version attributed to John Wooden, the former UCLA basketball coach.  He stated, "Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out."  I find so much meaning in that quote.  There will always be a higher paying job, a bigger house, a nicer car or better clothes, but what's wrong with where we are now?

Being happy now and working towards greatness are not exclusive of one another.  There are a million things that make me happy throughout the day:  Hearing my kids say "I love you"; feeling the sun on my skin; gazing out into the mountains; running along the river; and mapping out my future in my head.  I own every minute of my past because it is the road that brought me to this amazing place.  I'm happy at this "in between" stage.  I'm on the cusp of greatness and it's incredible.  Allowing myself to be unhappy now is like hiking a mountain and forgetting to look around on the way up.  I refuse to miss out on the blessings that find me everyday.

Could any one of us have made different decisions in our lives?  Sure.  Would we have been happier?  Who knows.  In fact, who cares?  The past is over, the future hasn't begun and the only thing we can enjoy is the present.  So, be happy.  Make the best out of whatever situation you find yourself in now.  Happiness and joy in the present bring even more happiness and joy in the future.

Today's Fuel

The other day I was telling a friend about a guy who has been rude to me lately.  It seems this guy has held a grudge against me and, four years later, can't or won't let it go.  My friend said, "Think about the real estate you own in his head!"  He walks around day after day with a little piece of me inside his head, eating at him.  How pathetic!

I got a chuckle out of that concept but it made me think.  Whenever I hear a phrase like that I tend to think about it from the opposite side:  Who am I letting own real estate in my head?  In don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements, there is one agreement that I have struggled with most of my life and it proves to be relevant here:  Don't take it personally.  I've struggled with that because there have been times in the past when I have had a hard time getting over someone mistreating me.  I've gotten angry and held a grudge which affected the way I felt inside and the way I treated other people.  It creates a negative ripple effect that goes on and on.

Giving in to this mistreatment is the ultimate example of handing over your power; letting someone into my head consumes space for happiness.  I realized I needed to master the real estate in my head because it is far too valuable to give away.  As soon as I started thinking about my mind as valuable real estate I began to realize I had complete control over its development, and in turn, complete control over what filled my mind.  The thoughts and emotions I feel and express start inside and I have control.

No matter how someone else treats you, never take it personally.  That is the quickest way to invite them in and give up that valuable real estate.  I'll close with Ruiz's words about holding a grudge.


"Someone else's actions have nothing to do with you.  We have no idea what someone is going through. They may be suffering a loss, or getting a divorce.  If we think that someone's silence or rage is about us, then we are being run by our ego and not our spirit."