Finding My Peace

Many of my posts focus on action.  It's a common theme and a topic of much contemplation for me.  I recently likened by self-proclaimed disposition for action to a race car revving its engine at the starting line.  It's all pomp and show until you release the brakes and go.  Sadly, at times I feel I have many hours on my engine but few actual miles on the tires.

What I've learned about myself is I felt no peace.  I felt angst and anxiety about decisions that I had to make and it paralyzed me in a way.  But then three separate and completely unrelated things happened recently that brought this flawed mindset to light for me.  Perhaps, no scratch that, I know for a fact the problem stems from my control issues.  I will struggle with an idea until it fits nicely into the compartment I believe it should fit in.  How's this for a realization: I create my own antithesis to peace with my control issues.

"You have peace," the old woman said, "when you make it with yourself." ~ Mitch Albom 

Surrendering to some decisions in my life almost feels like passivity. Ahhhh! But really I'm beginning to understand that it's more about accepting my decisions than just accepting whatever life brings me.  I can find peace in past decisions when I accept that each and every one helped me reach this moment and I wouldn't change that for the world.  Have some of them been harder than others?  Absolutely.  The trials and tribulations of my 42 years have taught me where my weaknesses lie, but also where strengths abound.  I find peace with that.

Having this peace of mind--no regrets--helps me find some clarity in the decisions I must make today, too.  I simply cannot have the "best of both worlds" in every decision I make.  Some decisions ultimately may not turn out to be the best but if I have faith in my decision-making process and confidence in the decisions I reach, that's really all I can ask for.  I find peace with that as well.

"A quiet conscience makes one strong!" ~ Helen Keller

Think about what I've said here: I have no regrets about the past and I am confident in my present decision-making process.  This mindset opens the door to a feeling of freedom about the future, and it strips away the power my fear and anxiety have over me.  This all makes me believe that I am exactly where I belong and headed right where I need to be...and I could not be more at peace.