Checking the Lost and Found

It's been a minute, huh?

Looking back over this blog, I see a stark absence of posts in 2018 and 2019. Hmm... It's not that I've lost interest in writing or sharing my thoughts (although, to be honest, I write solely to see my thoughts in a linear, focused format), it's that my life has changed in such a dramatic way and it continues to evolve.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ~ Oscar Wilde

I've written about changing life before so the idea is nothing new for me to consider. In fact, one of my favorite posts is about adapting to change versus igniting your own change. This last year was about reflecting on what really drives me. It was about looking into my soul to find my purpose again. To be honest, it was an emotional and difficult exploration. I guess I had a lot more shit stored in there than I thought! I found ideas and dreams I had forgotten about, so I applied to law school and, low and behold, I was accepted! It was as if I found remnants of paths I had previously taken that, in hindsight, didn't really line up with where I want to be. I withdrew from law school to be back in Arizona with my wife and that sent me on another journey to find my purpose again. It felt a little like rummaging through the lost and found. Do you remember that box full of forgotten sweatshirts, misplaced water bottles, and the one lonely glove? It's the place where we find the things we had forgotten about. Perhaps I could find my purpose again hiding in there?

Yet, as I got closer to my 49th birthday, I found it impossible not to look back and reflect on my entire journey. I can honestly say that I am happy. That's an understatement. I'm happier than I imagined I could ever be again. I am inexplicably blessed to be married to my best friend, and the most loving and beautiful woman I have ever known. So, in that sense, my love quotient is full. Our hearts, minds and adventurous spirits are synchronous with one another. But happiness is not synonymous with or a substitute for purpose.

Perhaps the confidence I have in our love is what allowed me the opportunity to rummage through my soul without fear of judgment. For my own mental health, I needed to find my purpose and I believed I could find it hidden deep inside. It had to be in my lost and found. I had it once, but I seem to have misplaced it so surely I could find it again. Come to find out, it wasn't in the lost and found at all. My purpose isn't attached to some aspect of my past journey and it's not some nuance of life I need to redo; it's something I get to create today. Just as I got to create it twenty years ago.

"The purpose of life is not to be happy--but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all." ~ Leo Rosten

If one thing is consistent in my self-reflection it's that failure plays a key role to my identity today. I would like that sentence to have read "failure played a key role" but in reality there are collateral effects that have taken some time to see and even some that continue to show themselves. Failure can be more than a single act from which we learn a specific lesson. It feels like a recurring antagonist to my journey. It's like some persistent hinderance to progress which ultimately becomes an obstacle to my purpose... or, maybe not.

I recently had a conversation with a physician who is experiencing a significant, career-ending failure. He is at the point in this part of the journey where he can't even conceive an image of his future. This is a scary place to be. During our conversation he was essentially calling bullshit on the idea that he could exercise his way to a better mindset because he was losing the one thing that is the root of his purpose: to help people heal. So, after much discussion, and listening to his theory that life will never be the same, it became evident the only thing that will change is the manner in which he helps people heal. If purpose is his paint brush then only the picture will change. He will still create with the same technique and tools.

Maybe purpose isn't really some characteristic that waxes and wanes throughout life. Perhaps it's more an issue of how we see the way our purpose creates the story.  It's never absent but it's also not necessarily a trait that just exists without some continual reevaluation. It's like looking at a road map between San Diego and Boston just one time, and then setting out to drive without ever reassessing or tracking your trajectory.

"One of my greatest fears is that my dreams have somehow lost their purpose. That my ability to create a story of value in the world is over. That, to the world, I'm no longer relevant. As if, somehow, I'm already dead but I just don't know it. But here's the thing: I can still feel my heart beating." ~ me

Happiness and purpose share an important and common trait: we have complete control over them. My fears of purposeful relevance are just a construct that I've created based on my perception of age, outside opinion and judgment. It's a defeatist summation based on the forlorn conclusion by comparing my current position in life and some previously conceived idea. It's similar to feeling as if I am a failure as a 50 year old man because I cannot dunk a basketball as I did 35 years ago. My expectation is incongruous with my situation, but in no way does this equate to a failure. Stop searching the lost and found for your idea of purpose, and happiness for the matter. Instead, conceive it in the present. The roadmap to your personal happiness and purpose leads forward from this starting point, not back to a former point in time.

We See What We Want To See

This piece, like every blog, is purely a collection of words that I've arranged to describe a thought. I can try my best to communicate emotion through these words but, alas, they are just words. Nevertheless, the reader (you) will interpret these words and their context exactly as you want to see them. Your perspective is based on your own attitude towards this abstraction as you interpret these words looking for emotion, meaning and undertones. We see what we want to see.

"Songs are as sad as the listener." ~ J.S. Foer

Think about this quote, and recall one of your favorite songs. Recall the place where you stood in life when you heard the words, or, more importantly, when the words took meaning for you. Your attitude completely affected the meaning and influenced your perspective. But, obviously, not everyone sees the same meaning; we see what we want to see.

This idea is applicable to many parts of life. Whether listening to a song, reading an article, hearing a story or even in our daily interactions, we are always influenced by our own attitude and perception. I believe that once our initial opinion of the artist, author, narrator or person is corroborated by our attitude it forges a longer-term assumption that, intentionally or not, influences our future interactions. We see what we want to see.

My narrative thus far has focused on the self-regarding manner in which we view the world. It paints a picture of control on our part and, as beneficiaries of our perception, how we interpret the world. But for every action, such as the judgment and opinion we cast into the world, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Someone else is judging you right now.

"...it would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and draws all sorts of conclusions." ~ Malcolm Gladwell 

When I shift my thought process from one of casting judgment outward to the impact and influence of being judged, it reminds me of the Golem effect. I can remember exactly where I was the first time I heard this term because it has resonated with me ever since. In summary, it is a concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy whereby placing a judgment of low expectations on someone effectively lowers his performance.

This theory is most clearly relevant in closer relationships and interactions: the parent-child, teacher-student or manager-employee relationship, to be specific. But what if the ramifications of the Golem effect profoundly and silently impact your ability to interact or communicate with the rest of the world? Is there such a thing as a societal Golem effect? Of course! Individuals in various classes of life commonly assess a negative expectation onto others whether because of federally-protected criteria such as race, color, gender, religion, ancestry, age, veteran status or disability, but also political affiliation, income, location or criminal history.

The societal Golem effect causes your harmony with society to be out of balance. The spoken and unspoken agreements you make with others in daily interactions become meaningless and the words you offer, regardless of whether they are intended to support or encourage, become subject to the attitudinal perceptions mentioned above. How can we interact with one another in a harmonious bond if our primary means of communication is null of the meaning we give it and imbued with the attitude of its recipient?

"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words." ~ Rumi

Clearly, any time we directly violate trust or create a misunderstanding in the interpersonal relationships you hold close it may influence the agreements and attitudes of both parties. If you lie to someone they don't quickly forgive or forget. But remember, the Golem effect is a facet of the self-fulfilling prophecy, which means if your interpersonal interactions cause you to cast irreparable negative influences upon yourself, it is just as oppressive as interacting with someone who treats you in a derogatory manner. At some point in life, when these attitudes outweigh any possibility of positive communication and your relationship shifts from harmony to dissonance it is time to terminate the association. Your life deserves positive influences and people who fill you with positive expectations. You deserve hope. You can never start a new day, with a new mindset, if you are consistently judged by the empty expectations of yesterday. We see what we want to see, so make it something positive. Your soul will thank you.

"Simply put, you cannot live a happy life with the weight of negative expectations." ~ me

Losing Our First Hero

"Hero: a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities."

I've been fortunate enough lately to have some wonderfully deep conversations about failure.  As I write that sentence it sounds paradoxical.  The concepts of wonderful and failure rarely wind up connected in thought, but it's true.  They've been wonderfully deep because they have provoked introspection and self-analysis.  Specifically, they've inspired me to investigate and validate the contrasting claim I make whenever I recollect my failures: But, that's not who I am.  

It can be difficult to recall our failures.  Sometimes it can be deeply painful, other times it can be brutally shameful.  In my life the pain I feel when recalling my failures feels as though I single-handedly destroyed the lens through which the world sees me.  It's rather inevitable to feel this way when our private story becomes our public image.

Now perhaps you subscribe to the thought that our public image is far less concerning than how we feel about ourselves.  I agree.  The way that we feel about ourselves is indeed the most important opinion of all but I argue it's largely affected by both our private story and our public image.  In many ways, as we grow up we begin to see our potential and we see ourselves as our own first emerging hero.  But the possibility exists that suffering failure in life can feel like losing our first hero.  It can feel like the mirror's reflection is now the contradiction of who we believe ourselves to be.  The self-reflective statement, "But, that's not who I am," either introduces our efforts at being vulnerable or becomes a post-oration renunciation.  It becomes an exception to who we are in their world.  

"Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed." ~ Peter S. Beagle

Our lives are journeys of building and growth which lead to achievement and success.  But does achievement alone really qualify someone to be a hero?  Doesn't the path upon which we travel matter? At some point the effort to grow must battle and triumph the obstacles of growth.  Life is, at times, a test of fortitude, whereby the path of least resistance is not the precursor to life's greatest achievements.  Heroes are made in the moments that require the greatest summons.

I get caught up in the notion that I am what I've done.  The flaw in that mentality is that since life is a changeable journey there is absolutely zero validity in benchmarking our worth from a single moment.  To be a hero, even our own hero, the totality of our efforts should be evaluated.  Moments become hours, which become days and then months and years.  Each one of those moments is an opportunity to make a different choice.  Whether our failures come from miscalculation or malfeasance, the very next moment is a call to change.  Heroism is not just some great and commendable action in the face of danger benefiting someone else; it can also be picking ourselves up by our own bootstraps in our greatest times of need.

My mind shift has come with dropping the idea that my failure was like losing my first hero, but rather gaining the perspective that this failure was the necessary opportunity to test the strength of my hero -- me.  I am my own hero in life.  The image I possess of myself in my mind is the figure to whom I strive to be more like.  He is the man, father and partner I strive to be.  He is the one I seek validation from and who I work to satisfy.

"If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes." ~ Mark Twain

   

This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Looking Through the Miraculous Lens

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm leading with a strong quote today from a wild-haired theoretical physicist.  From the moment I read this quote it became one of my favorites.  One mind and two eyes, but two views.  Two mindsets.  Two lenses through which to view life.  Two lenses to view absolutely everything.

There are so many analogies and parallels to draw on at this point, but let's talk about kites.

It's a topic that has surfaced in my life recently for a special reason.  It's something so seemingly mundane to discuss but that's the exact point of this.  One man's mundaneness is another man's opportunity to look through the miraculous lens.

As a kid I viewed a kite as a toy, purchased at the toy or corner drug store.  It was a simple configuration rolled into a clear plastic bag.  Upon further inspection I always found it contained usually hollow plastic rods, a diamond-shaped plastic skin to be stretched and the tethering string.  Simple.  Seemed to be void of much thought.  All the makings of a mundane experience.

Flying a kite as a kid is more often a test in patience and persistence, than an exhilarating experience. We hold the string tightly to control the kite's flight, raise our arms minimally to instigate lift and hope for the best.  More often than not our control forces it to nosedive into the ground.  Do you see the view through the lens that nothing is a miracle?

Switch to the Miraculous Lens

Kites have had a bum rap.  They've been characterized as directionless, controllable and uncomplicated.  What if that was entirely wrong?  What if the beauty and miracle of a kite is that it rises against the forces of nature?  What if the complexity of the engineering is meant to appear simple in design?

In contrast to my childhood thoughts on kites, I see them differently now.  I see the the wonder of flight.  I see effort and strength.  I see the beauty of accomplishment in rising.

Looking through the lens that everything is a miracle I see that kites are truly a work of art, more than 2000 years old, complex in concept and simple in design.  The materials or characteristics of design, while seemingly weightless and fragile in their own right, combine to form the proper structure to endure the winds of the earth.  Their skin fills with just enough air to rise, relying on the internal frame for just enough support, to create a harmonious existence amongst the stars.  And the string we believe tethers this kite does no such thing.  The kite seeks not to be tethered and that's why, as children, we force it to nosedive.  The kite is pulling us, not fighting us.  The kite, in true optimistic form, wants nothing more than to fly and bring us along, too.

"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it." ~ Winston Churchill

I realize this is perhaps a bit obscure.  But, how does it translate to life and the people in our lives?  How can we see this as an example that limiting our mindset and viewing life as though nothing is a miracle affects our ability to appreciate the people in our lives?

Let's just take it one person at a time.  When you meet that one person in your life who displays characteristics similar to a kite appreciate them.  They are a miracle.  See their desire to rise and grow; recognize the complexity of their soul and the simplicity of their spirit; understand the vulnerability and strength necessary to set themselves against the backdrop of the open sky and take flight; grasp the concept that should you recognize and support their journey they want to bring you to them, not resist your tether.

Yes, kites have had a bum rap, but I sure do love them ;)

"Kites seek not to be tethered, flowers seek not to be picked, and birds seek not to be caged.  When you harness the beautiful things in life you remove their ability to be beautiful." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Choose Your Brush Wisely

While driving home from St. George, Utah, last May, I caught my reflection in the rear view mirror, and for just a split second I didn't recognize the eyes looking back.  Through all my years I've always recognized the eyes of the man looking back at me in the mirror, even when the face changed a bit, but this time he looked different.  He was older.  He was weathered.  He was disappointed.  His eyes didn't shine like they usually do.  His eyes used to squint in laughter but that day they leaked in pain.  I'm 46 now, perhaps half way through life, so maybe it's a good time to figure out: What does happiness look like?  

"Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story." ~ Leo Tolstoy

We convincingly tell ourselves stories about why we're unhappy or why we can't be happy in this circumstance or that, yet how often do we convince ourselves that it's all perfectly fine?  It's perfectly acceptable, and I'll argue it's even healthy, to be in an undesirable situation and find moments of happiness.  I'm not suggesting hysterically laughing during a divorce proceeding but certainly there is some seed of happiness in another part of that same day.  And that is the point here...we characterize entire sections of our lives with pain but mere moments with happiness.  Countless times I've convinced myself that my unhappiness is deserved.  I've allowed this mindset to dilute my appreciation of everything around me.  Beauty washed out by my own thoughts.

"We have a tendency to paint unhappiness in our lives with a broad brush overextending the relevancy of the circumstance; yet we paint happiness with a fine tip brush carefully staying with the constraints of the moment.  Wouldn't you agree it's time to switch brushes?" ~ me 

We are all on a journey to find ourselves, better ourselves, make peace or be happy.  Literally, if we're not working towards some personal development goal then we are working to overcome some failure.    We're either content or discontented.  Over the last several years I've experienced both feelings and characterized my life as a work in progress.  Characterized an entire segment of my life with this broad brush!  I've searched outside myself for happiness and convinced myself I'm struggling to get some traction.  I've used that phrase quite a bit...trying to get some traction.  I've said I'm waiting for these ideas and plans ruminating inside my head to finally take shape.  Trying to get some traction is the phrase I've used as an excuse to explain where I am at this point in life and why I'm there.  I'm trying to get some traction on finding happy.

What does happiness look like?

We attempt to pinpoint, using the fine tip brush, happiness to a specific moment, yet we fail to understand the appreciation of that moment is only possible if we are happy.  Happiness is not the moment but rather the state surrounding this moment.  We needed a broad fanning brush of happiness swept across the entire situation--leading into, during and transitioning out of--to recognize this moment.  In this respect, happiness is difficult to quantify but it's easy to feel.  Happiness is the perfect harmony between mindset and moment.  It's an allowance to appreciate and partake in pleasures that encourage you to smile, laugh, feel and dream.  But here is the absolute kicker...you will never know happiness without also knowing discontent.  It's the same concept that recognizing the true beauty of the stars is only possible in darkness.

"Happiness is the perfect harmony of mindset and moment." ~ me

In reality, you cannot insulate yourself solely from either aspect of your journey.  You cannot guard against sorrow while being open to joy.  Opening your mind, body and soul to the prospect of true happiness also opens the door to the possibility of pain.  Experience them both and don't try to control that.  What you can control is which brush you choose to swipe across the canvas of life.  Choose the broad brush generously to paint happiness across your life; use the fine tip brush carefully, staying completely with the lines, to recognize the delineation of this moment in contrast to what your life truly is...HAPPY.

Thoughts on Walking Home

I'm in Florida and wrapping up a two-week training program for work.  It's January, the weather is amazing, I'm running every day and I'm inspired.  My inspiration lied dormant for a bit and, sadly, so did my appreciation for some of the little things in life...until today.  While on my run I witnessed something so simple but so beautiful.  It made me slow to a walk and smile.  It affected me so instantly that my first reaction was an impulse to approach these two people and express my veneration.  What, you might now wonder, could make me react this way and sit down to write about it?  I witnessed a father greet his middle-school-aged son getting off the school bus.

"We are all just walking each other home." ~ Ram Dass

I've known of this quote for a while and it resonated with me the first time I read it.  There was something about the imagery it conjured up for me.  And, truthfully, today when I witnessed the father and son greeting my recollection of this quote is what stopped me.

The son disembarked the school bus and walked directly towards his father, who was also walking to anticipate the meeting.  When they reached each other the father wrapped his arms around his son and the two shared a gentle laugh.  Then they exchanged a few words, the father wrapped one arm around his son's shoulder and they walked back towards their home.

All I did was witness a simple, likely daily, interaction between a father and his son, and now I just walked along smiling like an idiot!!  So your next question is probably, "What is wrong with this guy?" The answer to that question is either everything or nothing...check back later.  But to remain on point, the impactful moment for me was the greeting and walk home, and that got me thinking.

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

Looking back at the quote above, the obvious point when I first read this was that we are all just walking.  Doesn't that summon imagery of a quasi-pilgrimage?  Depending where you and your mindset are in life it may paint a picture of a head-down shuffle almost as if drawn to a destination.  But, somehow this show of father and son affection painted a completely different picture for me.  The walk is actually a journey and the point of this is not that we are walking, but that we are walking each other.

This life is far less about making the journey than it is about making it with someone, adding value to their journey, sometimes only sharing the sounds of your breath and other times a laugh.  Taking this journey together is giving yourself to someone.  It shifts your focus away from egocentrism and more toward creating an altruistic purpose in the world.  The ending remains the same, in that we all reach home, but the journey becomes built with intention.  This was simply a father and son meeting after school and walking home.  In some households this task my be referred to as, "I have to go get the kids," but in other households this is seen as an opportunity to walk each other home.

"The only thing we truly have in this world to give away is our love." ~ me

Thoughts on Watching Others Succeed

"Non nobis solum nati summum." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

This phrase translates to "Not for ourselves alone are we born."  There is something about this phrase that just sticks with me and, oddly enough, makes me appreciate social media.  I think back to the first time I heard about Instagram and the criticism: Why do people care about the pictures you post?

I care...sometimes.  I care when I see your struggle, your discipline, your dedication and achievement.  As a result I subscribe to people who's journeys I care to see, the people within whom I see these traits.  I care because we are all in this together, yet we are all on our own journeys.  I care because you and I seem to have common interests.  I care because I've been in the bleachers of an Ironman finish, closing in on the midnight deadline and I've seen the pain in your face as you push through to cross the line.  With an empathetic and encouraging heart, I care because I know the voices in our heads are sometimes so convincing that they can't be ignored.  And social media is a great platform for this documentary of life and achievement.

I have often thought about two ideologies that seem to contradict one another.  The thought that no one has the power to cause us pain by criticizing us unless we let them and the other thought that our own words have the power to build or destroy.  These are contradictory to me because it's a play on the locus on control.  We either have the internal fortitude to shrug off negativity or we believe we have the power to alter someone's entire world with our utterances.  Is it in us or not?  Is it in them or not?  Is the struggle internal or external?  Are we our own hero or do we succumb to the antagonists of the world?  Maybe what's really most important is not whether others have some impact on our journey, but that to achieve a purposeful life we need to positively impact others.

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves." ~ Horace Mann 

My point of this thought is this: I believe there is no greater human experience than cheering for someone else to succeed.  I believe in great personal experiences, but to be human means to participate in humanity, and I believe we have an innate necessity to participate in the human achievement.  The voices spewing doubt in our heads, or outside our heads, are bullshit, and we all know that.  But the voices singing our praise are real, and we need to remember that.

I've been focusing my attention on the concept of vulnerability for a bit now.  The goal, any goal, of achievement is laying yourself on the line.  It's literally stepping forward to take on more.  It's a show of willingness to try and fail more than anything else.  As witnesses to this brave step forward we should have no other reaction that honest encouragement.

"I want to treat all of life like an Ironman finishing chute: on my feet, tears of joy in my eyes, fully engaged and cheering at the top of my lungs for those around me to succeed." ~ me

The Olympics are a fantastic demonstration of our willingness to support our fellow (wo)man.  But why should that support be any different than the support we give our training buddies, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or even perfect strangers?  I find incredible inspiration from the people I find and follow on Instagram.  Your journey is amazing and you are amazing.  Remember that.

The next time you scroll across someone's Instagram feed and see a photo of their alarm set for 4:00am with some sort of motivational message, or see a photo of their three hour trainer ride, or read some comment about how cold the pool is at 5:00am, remember they have faced the same doubts and challenges you do.  The difference is that they chose not to listen to the doubt, nor the critics.  They chose to put themselves on the line and share their journey.  That locus of control lives within them.  This is their journey so our only hope is that they hear our cheers just enough to push a little harder, hang on a little longer and reach a little farther.

Learning New Words

Social media is really a fascinating creature.  In one respect I've felt incredibly connected to people I have never met face-to-face yet with whom I share common interests, and in another I have never been more appalled at the sickening disrespect some people show from behind the keyboard.  That's life though, really.  Some people share triumphs and others share pain.  Some share positivity and others share dribble.  I choose to seek out and follow positivity and inspiration on social media...and in life.  I've found that life and even social media are teaching me things.  I'm learning new words.

"The words we say to ourselves can serve as elixir or venom, and only we can decide which.  Can you imagine a greater gift or a greater responsibility?" ~ Jason Huntsinger

I have always considered myself to be a positive and productive person.  I've accomplished some great things in my life and remained hopeful.  But my frame of reference has, in hindsight, been fairly narrow.  I've never travelled the world.  I've only been out of the United States twice barely outside the borders to the north and south.  Social media has broadened my perspective and the authors of the information and thoughts I follow inspire me.  I've seen photos of the most amazing places from points of view that were previously unimaginable.  I've read stories from fellow athletes about epic
adventures and races.  I've followed individuals through weight loss and watched them accomplish goals.  It's so utterly amazing and inspiring.

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled." ~ Plutarch 

I recall during my undergraduate studies reading a synopsis of Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat thinking how incredible it was to think school age kids in far-off lands had access to the same information highway that I did.  I was, again, narrowly focusing.  As if everyone in the world wanted to see what I could see and access the information that I could access.  I am now the one seeking to understand the beauty that so many of you live for and dream about.  What does it really feel like to stand on the face of a sheer cliff and look out at the sunrise?  How about swimming with turtles off the coast of Costa Rica?  What about envisioning a dream for yourself to win a race and then actually fulfilling that dream?  Simply amazing experiences that I can see through social media.  I'm learning new words through these experiences; Words I either failed to understand or failed to learn in all my 45 years on this earth.   These are some of the new words I've learned from you.

• Inspiration:  The many athletes who have achieved some goal or milestone and then share their recipe for success.  I've seen your struggles and read your ups and downs, and when you overcame the bumps in the road you inspired me to keep going, too.
• Dedication:  So many people rest in comfort zones because they are comfortable.  Yet, those of you who push yourselves to the next level of physical and mental toughness do so by dedicating yourself to your plan.  I get it. 
• Happiness:  Not one single person who has accomplished a goal as documented on social media has done so in a state of sadness or despair.  The motion of defining a goal and crafting a lifestyle to accomplish that goal begets happiness.  I see what it looks like to be happy in your faces.
• Compassion:  So many people I follow choose to devote part of themselves to some greater cause: challenged athletes, disabled veterans, orphaned children and animals just to name a few.  Life is bigger than me and now, and you continue to show me what it means to give of yourself. 
• Love:  This is more than the flippant phrase we throw around to describe how much we like a shirt.  I've seen people demonstrating unconditional love for others and themselves.  We are all dealing with our own struggles in life and social media has broadened my understanding of what it looks like to love one another.
• Success:  This is one topic I've found to be so arbitrary because it's completely subjective.  But that subjectivity is its beauty.  Whether you set the bar here or there, reaching your goal and realizing the effects of that accomplishment are truly successes.

"Good people bring out the good in people."

Social media gets a bum rap, I believe.  While some people enjoy sharing the adventures they encounter others may scoff at their perceived insecurity and need for attention.  Yet social media, like many things in this world, are exactly what we make of it.  If we choose to see the ugly in it we should not be surprised when it appears.  However, when we choose to see it as an opportunity to connect with people we see as mentors and examples of good we will not be disappointed when we begin to grow as people...and learn new words.

A Single Book of Matches

I'm spending the Christmas holiday in rural southern Indiana so I've had the opportunity to run the rolling country roads where acres separate homes rather than just steps.  Running = time to think.  While on my run yesterday I was listening to music and the song Pyro by Kings of Leon came on.  The first line caught my attention: A single book of matches gonna burn what's standing in the way.

There is something really powerful about that line.  It's akin to the phrase that a single match can burn an entire forest.  One small spark can have a massive impact.  But that's not always a bad thing.  What is my single book of matches?  At times it has been a personal struggle that burns away what I've built and worked for.  Yet, more often, it has been a relentless desire to achieve a goal that burns away obstacles.

"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it.  Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way." ~ Les Brown 

Life is all about choices.  We all face opportunities and obstacles, crossroads and open highways.  The beauty of choice, if we so choose to see it this way, is that a single book of matches can burn whatever is standing in the way.  We can turn a single idea into a passion.  We are the only ones who get to choose whether our book of matches is positive or negative.  When I have nurtured an idea to the point that I wake in the morning and can't wait to get out of bed to begin working on it, it seems as thought nothing could stand in my way.  My mind gets into a flow of overcoming obstacles and my momentum builds. My single book of matches is an idea sparked by motivation.  Conversely, when I've struggled in life I've allowed poor choices to build with similar momentum.

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

This really comes down to understanding the power we have over our minds and the ability to decide the mindset we bring to life, understanding that we can dictate the outcome of our lives one day at a time and understanding that, if we want to change, it is never too late to start right now.  Take an active role in your life and begin to see life in a positive manner.  Find your passion and develop a plan.  Make choices that build.  Ignite the flame in your soul that is bright enough to burn the obstacles in your way.

Crash and Burn

"My past is everything I failed to be." ~ Fernando Pessoa

As I see it there are two main categories of failure (my common and unrelenting theme).  Just to make sure we are starting from the same point, let's agree that failure is essentially understood as a lack of success (Merriam-Webster dictionary).  The most commonly considered failure is the good ol' crash and burn.  The type where you make that fatal mistake or misjudgment which leads to an undesired outcome.  The outcome we hadn't expected or anticipated when we set off on this journey.

Whenever I read books or articles, or even watch videos, about overcoming failure I'm left with one question: what kind of failure do you mean?  It almost seems as if the types of failure that Tony Robbins or Dale Carnegie build from involve a situation that, somewhat passively, just happened.  The journey to our perceived success is a series of actions that we take, right?  A series of foundation-building choices that we make.

Failure, in any sense of the word, is due to a miscalculation, misstep or poor choice that we made.  The choice that preceded our action.  If you don't see that then you're not looking back far enough to the root of the failure.  Even when we make decisions contrary to public norms in our personal lives, which can and do lead to failure, if you look back far enough you'll find that your failure began before that choice.  The failure manifested itself here, but you failed back there.

On our journey to succeed, which in some form of the word means to have more successes than failures in life, we form a plan making one choice after another and somewhere along the line we will inevitably fuck up.  Period. We all do. Some produce a more brilliant fireball than others--it's called a crash and burn for a reason--but the point is that we all make the wrong choice.  The set of circumstances before us at any given moment coupled with our mindset and the weight of the world around us shapes our perception of the options before us.  CEOs of major corporations and street level drug dealers all have reasons for their misjudgments that made some sense at the time, but in the end they will suffer a crash and then burn at a level relational to there status.

Whether your failure stems from a miscalculation or an egregious choice, once you've faced the backlash it is time to rebuild from this failure.  It really makes no difference how you failed but it makes all the difference in the world how you recover.  No matter what the failure, your obligation to the world is to continue to pursue your calling or destiny.  You need to find and deliver your value to this world for your own sake.  This is what will define you and your life, and ultimately show the world who you really are.

"You are what you do, not what you say you'll do." ~ C.G. Jung

But let's focus on one key point in the crash and burn type of failure...you took action!!  You overcame some fear that could have kept you in your comfort zone, but you chose to break out and take action.  So, for that, I say BRAVO!!  You see, the other type of failure is a failure to launch.  I believe a failure to launch creates a foundation for regret far more than even the most outrageously poor decisions.  When you take some action--igniting your soul onto a path of your dreams--you've made the most crucial choice possible: you acted.  Your sole (i.e. your soul), which was once resting comfortably on a solid and easily predictable surface, had left its comfort zone.

Any misstep from that point is an opportunity to gain constructive feedback on your choice.  Step, learn and build.  Step, learn and build.  Step, fall, learn and build.  Step, learn and build.  The only real failure here is if you fail to learn from the misstep.  Yet, in a failure to launch you truly deny yourself the opportunity to succeed.

"Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival." ~ Steve Maraboli

Some fear taking those first few steps because they fear the possibility of failure.  Perhaps the fear is learned from past failures, or perhaps it's just a misinformed perception of failure.  I assure you that every step you take towards your goal will contain in itself a seed of success.  There are so many parables about a forest fire here.  Sometimes it takes a crash and burn to release the seed from its protective shell so that it can finally take root.  As devastating as a forest fire is, often it's the purest way to regenerate new growth.  This would never be an option for you if you fail to launch.

"You're depriving your soul, and your sole, unless you take that first step towards your greatness." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

Losing Your Focus

"We've spent so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

For some unknown reason we all tend to judge one another.  Perhaps it offers us some solace to believe others have imperfections or character flaws when we feel most vulnerable.

We all have some notion of what the world should be and how everyone we meet should fit into that idea.  It's a massive template we lay over our world, our version of life, and our version of the constant battle between right and wrong.  When someone doesn't fit our plan or ideals we pass judgment on them.

Do we ever stop to realize that everyone we meet is doing the exact same to us?  The people we come across every day, both face-to-face and in this electronic world, are laying their own templates before them in an effort to navigate life.

To put it in the most simple of term, we are all on a personal journey on this mighty blue marble.  But, a journey to where?  It's a journey that somehow seems unfathomably long at the beginning yet painfully quick at the end.  A journey of intense elation and near unbearable heartbreak.  A journey that seems sinuous at times and undeviating at others.  A journey of falling down and getting back up.  We are all on a journey to become better versions of ourselves and attain some level of fulfillment.

It's a personal journey that lasts an entire lifetime.

"Imagine a life where people realized every minute they spent judging one another was one less minute they had to find their own true purpose. It is here now and all it takes is for us to start." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So, why in the world do we shift our focus from our own game plan to one of judgement towards others?  Others have lived and failed, stood tall and slumped, perhaps already faced their greatest challenge or are facing it right this moment.  And here we sit with our own life passing us by, even for just a second, while we shake our proverbial head at them.

We all have the ability to create the most amazing story ever lived; one day at a time, one step at a time and one breath at a time.  No where in this opportunity or along this journey is it acceptable to keep someone down with your judgement.  So I implore you, the next time you find yourself having negative, judgmental thoughts about someone remember every one's journey hits highs and lows, and realign your focus on creating a beautiful story.

"To love a man enough to help him, you have to forfeit the warm, self-righteous glow that comes from judging." ~ Ron Hall 

     

Certainty

In my last blog I touched on the idea that developing a "what-if" attitude could open the door to a positive mindset and help begin the journey to realizing your dreams.  As I re-read it this morning I stopped on a particular line:

"What if I was wrong about tomorrow?"

What interests me about this line is the absolute certainty with which I've believed in the negative moments of my life.  I've literally told myself, "I'll never make $100k a year," "I'll never have that one true loving relationship that I've imagined," and "I'll never become a professional athlete."  I was so certain and negative about my future because I was in a rough spot, but what if I was wrong about tomorrow?  Each one of those statements represents a dream or goal I've had and when I became certain about my inability to reach them I essentially conceded defeat.  

Conceding defeat with this type of clairvoyant certainty is a nail in your coffin; it's giving up on yourself.  This type of certainty comes once you knowingly decide to give up on your dream. When is the last time you spoke of a dream with positive certainty rather then wishful possibility?

"I act with complete certainty. But this certainty is my own." ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

To some extent, I believe in the law of attraction (conceive, believe, achieve).  Under this ideology it is impossible to achieve your dreams unless you believe in them...and yourself.  If you're certain they will never come to fruition then your certainty of failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Perhaps its time to flip the script you've created in your head?  Release the fingers wrapped around your neck choking the life from your future.  They're your fingers, my friend, no one else's.  Each finger is a negative statement about the certainty of your failure or inability, and the ramifications that today's failure voids tomorrow's dreams.  What if you are wrong about tomorrow?  What if you are on the brink of whatever it is you desire?  What harm would come to simply believe in yourself and deny the negative certainty that clouds you?  The answer is none.  It causes no harm...none.

"I like the scientific spirit--the holding off, the being sure but not too sure, the willingness to surrender ideas when the evidence is against them: this is ultimately fine--it always keeps the way beyond open--always gives life, thought, affection, the whole man the chance to try over again after a mistake--after a wrong guess." ~ Walt Whitman

Ask Yourself: What If?

I learned about a tactical mindset concept years ago in what seems like a different life...but the principles are applicable today as well. It's the idea that two mindsets exist: probability versus possibility. It's really somewhat rooted in statistics but it can literally set the tone for what you expect in your life.

On one hand, the idea of probability thinking tells you what to expect based on several factors, many of which are focused on the past. It's the idea that patterns of the past are pre-indicators to the future, which may very well be true if nothing is done to make a change. This type of thinking is safe for many people. It helps them to understand what will likely happen in the future. It's the framework for the status quo and, quite frankly, mediocrity.

On the other hand, possibility thinking is the discovery that the ceiling no longer exists. It's the idea that the future is unwritten, a blank slate as long as you possess the creativity and tenacity to pursue your dreams. It's shifting the focus to a mind-blowing realm of potential.

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon." ~ Paul Brandt

At a moment in my life when the future seemed bleak and uncertain, I met a friend who asked me, "What if you really don't know what the future will be?" Hmm, what if? What if I was wrong about tomorrow; what harm would it cause to believe in the possibility?  I hadn't drawn the connection between asking "what if" and the possibility mindset until recently but the application is spot on. Seeing the future, creating your path from here forward and finding your way begins with the phrase "What if?"

The application of this question is actually a wonderful entry point to a positive mindset. What harm would it cause to believe, even for just a moment, that you are on the brink of something truly great?  Of finally getting on the track to the life you've always dreamed of living?

"All things are possible until they are proven impossible." ~ Pearl S. Buck

I have a challenge for you. Ask yourself what it is you desire in your life and then ask, "What if...?" That's it, just start by asking that simple question and let your mind create the path. Purge all negative thoughts, block any objections and ask it. Use that phrase as a key to open your mind and flood it with the thoughts of what you'd hoped for as a child, worked for as a young adult, attempted to accomplish recently or desire for the future, and ask what if it all came true. Allow the possibility to re-enter your mind and rejoice in your imagination.

The opposition to optimism is negative self talk. The type of debilitating banter you would never utter to anyone but yourself. Developing a what-if attitude and a possibility mindset are the first objections to the negative banter. They break the mold of the humdrum and set the stage for the incredible. No one, and I mean NO ONE, can tell you that you can't do something...even you.

"I am too much of a skeptic to deny the possibility of anything." ~ Thomas Henry Huxley

Expectations

Many years ago when I began my first career, I was told by a senior co-worker one of the most important things I can do is become a "good hand."  He explained that to be the type of person others know they can count on without question and someone who contributes to the shared goal.  In other words, a reliable team player.  I worked hard to become just that, to contribute my share of the team's effort and in doing so I began to create expectations for myself and others.

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." ~ Alexander Pope

First of all, I don't buy into the concept of this quote.  I think it is a wonderful reminder to check yourself and perhaps discover the root of some frustrations, but ultimately I don't think it's really practical to jettison all expectations.  An expectation is merely a belief that someone will do something or something will happen: good or bad.  The detriment of having expectations is the risk of disappointment, but the benefit is the mindset of belief.  Belief is the active ingredient in confidence (seriously, check the label).

I believe setting goals is really a series of well-planned expectations.  Take my passion for triathlon for example.  I have a dream (don't laugh) to become a professional triathlete.  A baseless and ill-planned expectation is that since I'm tall I will likely be a naturally fast swimmer, cyclist and runner.  However, if I begin to design a path to excellence setting attainable goals based on training expectations I could very well find myself on the podium one day which I expect would help me reach my pro status.

That seems pretty straightforward when dealing with ourselves.  We can all handle setting and maybe not reaching our own expectations.  But what about when we set expectations for others?  That, too, is a necessary element of any team or a partnership.  Each person has a role in the partnership and in the effort, and without it there would be no partnership.

So how do we join forces with the people who we expect to uphold their part of the effort?  You see, expectations are not a bad thing.  When you hire a manager you expect him or her to comply with the company's standards and work to meet the company's objectives.  Before you hire that manager you interview him or her.  Before that you screen the applicants.  Before that you define the expectations. The same is true in any partnership: work, sports or love.  In sports you expect the teammate to cover the responsibilities of the position.  The goalkeeper must keep the ball from entering the goal so the position is assigned based on the most capable team member.  In love it's the same thing.  You have a vision of what you'd like your life to be and as potential partners present themselves you assess his or her capabilities to fill the complementary role: that of partner.  But you must realize he or she is doing the exact same thing.

"There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations." ~ Jodi Picoult

That's an interesting quote above.  I've always subscribed to the idea that you shouldn't try to change someone to meet your expectations.  That route is wrought with an unnecessary weight.  Rather, you have a choice and you mustn't be afraid to make it.  You can change your partner or change your expectations.  One requires you to perhaps reassess and abandon or alter your vision or goals.  That's a tough call so don't take it lightly.

Two things come to mind when considering expectations: don't allow your optimism to die and always work on becoming a good hand.  What I mean here is don't ever allow your expectations to take on the tone of pessimism.  Don't allow your expectations for someone, or yourself, to become an expectation of failure.  Remember an expectation is the basis of belief you used to create a series of benchmarks you've planned to meet your goal.  Pessimistic expectations are the complete opposite and really just a permissive mindset to fail.  They lack the main ingredient: belief.  "I don't expect John to be able to complete this task to my standards."  Then why is John in that role?

Secondly, remember everyone on the team has his or her own set of expectations, too.  The beauty of a partnership or team is that it's comprised of the most capable members working in unison to meet their respective responsibilities.  Set the expectation by being the example you want to see.  Focus internally on whether you're being a good hand, rather than pointing out some one's error.  Your world is a mirror of your effort and interest: what you give you get back.

"When you look at someone you see what you expect to see: good or bad.  Therefore, always look for the vein of goodness because it's there.  Expect it and it appears." ~ Jason Huntsinger      

Sticks and Stones

It really seems like such a simple principle to live by, doesn't it?

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  

We begin to learn this message as soon as we learn to speak. As we grow older the phrase becomes a little more complex, but the message is the same. It's a message of how to treat people.

Words are so inexplicably powerful...if we allow to them be. When you think about words--the formation of sounds and the arrangement of letters, and our understanding and agreement of the meanings--it is absurd that they can carry so much power. The simple combination of words in a deliberate order can either empower or destroy a person. No physical force necessary. No physical harm inflicted. But crippling emotional harm, nonetheless.


The intent behind our word choice is what precipitates the early-life training: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's one of the earliest lessons we learn but so many of us still have a hard time with it. Some of the other basic principles of living amongst people are easier: don't hit and don't take something that doesn't belong to you. But perhaps this one is more difficult because it can be somewhat cathartic to the orator. It is a surefire way to project negative emotions elsewhere, almost as if opening your mouth is an actual physical release of the negativity. In this case it comes from unhappiness and a desire to bring others down as well.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~ Plato

Verbal enmity is laden with spite and constructed in just such a way to cause the most damage. Opposite of a weapon of mass destruction, it is the most efficient weapon of focused destruction. You can sometimes witness a person physically deflate when another launches ill-intentioned words their way. Often the reception of the words is based on the relationship between the orator and the recipient. That relationship is what gives the words credibility and either encourages or discourages the recipient to agree. The closer the relationship the more powerful the propensity to agree.

"By hooking our attention, the word can enter our mind and change a whole belief for better or for worse." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

What's the point of this observation? If you wouldn't stand nose-to-nose and fire hate in an attempt to ruin someone then why look in the mirror and do it to yourself? There is no one you have a closer relationship to than yourself, and as such, no one's words have more meaning than your own. You are better than you believe and every single moment--86,400 every single day--is your opportunity to make a change. It's that simple. If you are unhappy with your past decisions, which have guided you to this moment, then seize the opportunity to make a change. Choose words that lift rather than crush. Use those sticks and stones to build your future.

Patience, My Friend, Patience

I'll just come out and say it: I lack patience. I become impatient and frustrated when there just isn't enough time in the day, or days in my life. The same optimistic mindset telling me there are 1,440 moments in a single day to create good also tells me there are only 1,440 moments in this day to accomplish everything I want to do.  Neither my drive nor my desire are my limitations; it's the fact that there are infinite possibilities in a finite day.

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." ~ Aristotle

I almost can't even say it convincingly to myself but I may be getting close to the halfway point in my life. With so many items on my to-do list of life, how do I even begin to whittle the possibilities down into actionable choices? I've spent the last few years feeling as if I've been back at the starting line waiting to gain traction. I'm missing out on opportunities to enjoy this because I'm trying to get to that. It's really a sensitive balance, it seems. I work to enjoy my current situation while still seeking opportunities to improve that situation. I feel that's an important desire to maintain throughout my life: improvement.

In my mind, improvement is growth. I'm beginning to finally understand that improvement is not an unhappiness with the current situation, rather it's a desire to make something good even better. Not understanding this has been part of my restlessness. I tended to focus on the next step rather than enjoying the moment. My ignorance of the present and farsightedness breeds impatience and worry. I'm spent much of my adult life worrying whether I'd get there.

Have I really spent precious time in my life pining for something more? How many days have I lost pining for something intangible? Happiness. Security. Acceptance. Power. I celebrated my 43rd birthday recently and one phrase comes to mind:

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." ~ Douglas Adams

In hindsight, my life's road map perhaps seems more like a blind scavenger hunt full of ups and downs, turns and roadblocks, celebration and misery, success and failure. My impatience to reach the next point has been wasted effort and, again in hindsight, pointless. I am capable of being in just one place at a time and that place is always right here: the present. The only step I can be sure of is the one I'm taking now.

A new calendar year is approaching and a new year in my life is upon me already. So, I vow to be more patient. I vow to enjoy the moment, smell the roses, take in the sights and just find peace. If I can't find peace in this immediate moment how in the world can I expect to find such peace in the next? Forty-three years have shown me that I can't. Patience, my friend, patience...the moments will come as they should and when they should.

"Life is a gift. Don't forget to say thank you." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

Risk

I recently read a short post by Seth Godin in which he asked, "How deep is the water?"  The point is if it's too deep to stand, does it really matter?  My short answer is yes.  My long answer is...

There is a learned trait in most of us: the ability to calculate risk.  Very small children don't necessarily have this internal safety net or at least they use a far less complicated calculator.  As a toddler, I lacked the ability to judge height while standing on the coffee table (that choice is perhaps for another discussion) and promptly took one step off into a perfect face plant.  We slowly begin to learn the consequence for failure.

So, on to my long answer to Mr. Godin's post, it does matter how deep the water is to a certain degree.  Think about the differences in these activities. Walk heel-to-toe across a balance beam that is six inches from the ground versus walking that same balance beam 600 feet from the ground.  Swim in the deep end of an eight-foot pool versus swimming in the middle of the ocean.  We calculate risk based on our perception of an escape plan and the perceived consequences.  Can I step off this beam if needed or can I get to the side of the pool?

There are certainly degrees of consideration between my extreme examples but at some point we draw the line for ourselves.  Walking a balance beam 600 feet above the ground is insane, unless of course you had a safety harness.  What about six feet off the ground?  Or 16 feet?  Swimming in the ocean conjures up all kinds of fears for me but what about a pool that is 20 feet deep or even a lake that is far too deep for me to descend and touch bottom?  We all have that line.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." ~ Neale Donald Walsch

That is the point to this all.  Calculating risk is a learned behavior but it most certainly matters how deep the water is...based on your ability to calculate the risk and find an exit strategy.  It is possible to accomplish feats we never imagined possible but it requires an ability as well as a desire to let go a bit.

The most effective way to accomplish this is to identify the goal or task you wish to tackle and then work your way back to determine what is necessary to get there.  Reversing this process--that is taking your current state and trying to determine what steps to take to get to your goal--often leaves us feeling overwhelmed and unsure of our ability.  It's alright to be scared but challenge that fear and learn to calculate a new risk.

"If visualizing your goal doesn't evoke an excited panic, it's likely not the right goal." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Finding My Peace

Many of my posts focus on action.  It's a common theme and a topic of much contemplation for me.  I recently likened by self-proclaimed disposition for action to a race car revving its engine at the starting line.  It's all pomp and show until you release the brakes and go.  Sadly, at times I feel I have many hours on my engine but few actual miles on the tires.

What I've learned about myself is I felt no peace.  I felt angst and anxiety about decisions that I had to make and it paralyzed me in a way.  But then three separate and completely unrelated things happened recently that brought this flawed mindset to light for me.  Perhaps, no scratch that, I know for a fact the problem stems from my control issues.  I will struggle with an idea until it fits nicely into the compartment I believe it should fit in.  How's this for a realization: I create my own antithesis to peace with my control issues.

"You have peace," the old woman said, "when you make it with yourself." ~ Mitch Albom 

Surrendering to some decisions in my life almost feels like passivity. Ahhhh! But really I'm beginning to understand that it's more about accepting my decisions than just accepting whatever life brings me.  I can find peace in past decisions when I accept that each and every one helped me reach this moment and I wouldn't change that for the world.  Have some of them been harder than others?  Absolutely.  The trials and tribulations of my 42 years have taught me where my weaknesses lie, but also where strengths abound.  I find peace with that.

Having this peace of mind--no regrets--helps me find some clarity in the decisions I must make today, too.  I simply cannot have the "best of both worlds" in every decision I make.  Some decisions ultimately may not turn out to be the best but if I have faith in my decision-making process and confidence in the decisions I reach, that's really all I can ask for.  I find peace with that as well.

"A quiet conscience makes one strong!" ~ Helen Keller

Think about what I've said here: I have no regrets about the past and I am confident in my present decision-making process.  This mindset opens the door to a feeling of freedom about the future, and it strips away the power my fear and anxiety have over me.  This all makes me believe that I am exactly where I belong and headed right where I need to be...and I could not be more at peace.

Spinning the Plates

You know that guy in the circus who spins plates atop the skinny, pointed rods?  He sets out spinning just one, finds its balance point and spins it like crazy.  Then another and another.  But at several points he has to break this routine to return to the previously balanced plates; they are beginning to lose balance.  The process continues until several plates are spinning in unison.  It's really sort of crazy.

That's how I feel life is at times...when I let it.  I have competing forces at work in my mind.  One force has me sorting through the mounds and mounds of ideas I intend to see through, searching for the starting and balance points, while the other force is my life's time clock.  I am perishable and there are only so many of these ideas that I can see through to completion.  It is a constant battle, not of good versus evil, but of life versus death.  I want to treat life like a verb and experience everything I possibly can before my time expires.  It takes balance. 

"Balance is the homeostasis of the human spirit. On one side is the joy of actually living life, and the other is the fear you can't do enough in this short time." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So I run back and forth, spinning the plates trying to maintain their balance.  Here's the kicker in it all...I feel like that's all I'm really doing at times: standing in one place spinning plates.  I've written and posted about the value of action and it seems to be a recurring thought for me.  As each day passes I'm beginning to realize I need to reduce the number of plates I'm spinning so that I can spend less time running back and forth.

That really is the tough part because I find value in every idea that occupies my mind: writing my book, starting my magazine, exercising my body, building a loving relationship, turning my life to personal training, pursuing stable employment for benefits and retirement...they are all important in their own sense and work together to create this vision of my life from here forward.  If I focus on just one or two ideas, in an effort to minimize the clutter, I feel the ideas abandoned truly don't deserve that fate.  Nor do I.  

Balance can be the toughest, on-going life task to master.  Will any of us really master it?  Is our pursuit of this mastery just a pointless, upsetting practice we're placing on ourselves?  What if I don't get to do everything I ever wanted to do in this life?  Here is the fix: focus on what you can do in this life and put everything into it.  While it may not be quite as dramatic as a circus act analogy, it will be more productive in creating your own fulfilling lifestyle.  You see, by reducing our effort in any given task--by being too preoccupied in moving on to the next--we fail to really experience it.  Our focus is drawn away.  The "up" side of our spiritual homeostasis is cut short because we've closed off our receptors to living life in this moment. What we're left with is the counterbalancing "down" side wrought with worry that the day is passing, we're another year older and we've lost yet another opportunity to do it all.

Perhaps today I will let a couple of these plates slow to a stop then stack them nicely in the corner for the future.  Then I will go back and spin the holy hell out of the remaining plates!