Life Getting in the Way?

As you can see I have deviated from my norm.  I am no longer calling my posts Today's Fuel.  This is a big step for me but there is a purpose.  I am cataloging these posts and ideas in preparation of writing my book.  The title is written in pencil at this point, but it's about adjusting your perception of who you see in the mirror.  Further to follow...

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I recently viewed this short YouTube video of Mel Robbins speaking to a group in which she talked about "getting out of the weeds."  It's a great spin on the concept of "life getting in the way."  And it got me thinking...what the hell does that really mean?  Are we really just passive participants in our own lives?  I know that I've said that phrase more than I care to admit because it's an easy way to say "I've given up on __________ (fill in the blank)."  It's not life that got in my way though, it was me.  We get in our own way of reaching our goals.  We are, at times, our own worst deterrent to success and happiness.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  It's because we choose to avoid change in favor of predictability.  We fall into routines with work, life and relationships because it's easier, less risky and requires less thought.  But I don't believe that is human nature!  Our nature is to grow, live, discover and explore.  Look at this commercial for Red Bull...

These are extreme examples of human performance and initiative, but what about any of the great explorers, entrepreneurs, athletes, inventors or innovators?  At some point they all made a choice to deviate from the routine and do something unpredictable.  In most cases, outsiders looked on with skepticism and doubt.  Ever hear of the Wright Brothers?  My favorite line from that Red Bull commercial is this -- "The only limit is the one you set yourself."  How true is that?  The limitation many of us face is actually right between our own ears.  Habits, routines and predictability are safe but whose life is this to live?  A series of extraordinary events had to take place in a very specific order for us to enter this life.  When you think about it in those terms, it raises the question "what am I going to do with this life and how do I start?"

"I can't believe God put us on this earth to be ordinary." ~ Lou Holtz

An article on Forbes.com titled How to Get Out of Your Own Way addresses just that.  "And like anything, if you do something over and over it becomes a habit. Your view of the world becomes conditioned."  It's scary to think about changing our lives.  Just as the article suggests, perhaps the answer is to take it in small increments and then evaluate.  No one says it's an all-or-nothing proposition, but something is always better than nothing!

If we go back to Mel Robbins' talk about getting out of the weeds and start looking at our daily lives we will soon realize our weeds may have started growing with these routines and habits, but it's sometimes more than just predictability that holds us where we are.  We now have commitments and other responsibilities that prevent us from getting where or what we want.  Ah ha...that's life getting in the way!  Hooey!  We control all of this whether we believe it or not.

In his book, The Power of Less, Leo Babauta provides a straightforward approach to reducing the non-essential in our lives which frees up time, resources and focus to pursue our dreams.  He lists eight questions we must ask ourselves to find out what is essential to us.

1. What are your values?
2. What are your goals?
3. What do you love?
4. What is important to you?
5. What has the biggest impact in your life?
6. What has the most long-term impact?
7. What are your needs versus wants?
8. What non-essentials can you immediately eliminate?

The point behind all of this is that life never gets in the way.  That's a cop-out.  Yes, it is scary to break out of the box we've trapped ourselves in to chase our dreams.  People may doubt you.  You may doubt yourself.  You may even fail.  But amazingly, failure is not permanent and you ultimately have complete control over making this decision.  Happiness and success are matters of choice and perception.  

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." ~ Bill Cosby

Does the fire inside you burn hot enough to make you take a chance?  If the answer is yes, then start right this very second by dropping the phrase "Life is getting in the way" from your vocabulary.  It has no place in our heads and we are not passengers in our lives.  Take accountability.  Follow Babauta's process to identify what is essential in your life and drop the rest.  Take control.  Create a list of the steps you need to take to meet your goals and do it.

It's true, we do get in our own way sometimes.  But what makes life so amazing is that just as easily as we can stop our own progress, we can also get behind our own ideas and become the strongest advocate.  Get out of your weeds, live the life you have imagined and choose the route to happiness and success.  Life is not in the way...life is the opportunity!

Action

"Action trumps everything."

I really love this quote because it is so simple and true.  Action is the answer...period.  Action is the deliberate effort to do something.  In my mind "something" is moving toward my goals.

Whenever the new year comes around people often make resolutions to change something in their lives.  I've even heard them called "bucket lists" recently.  This name implies something to do before we "kick the bucket."  I hate that!  While I agree that we are perishable items on this earth, our goals ought not be simply a check box before we die.  Think about the effort it took to overcome a fear and make the effort to do something.  Really think back.  That first jump you launched yourself off with your bicycle.  The first time you mustered the courage to ask that special girl to prom.  The first job interview you walked into.  These all took courage and were building steps to the people we are today.  Building, not bucket.  We are building foundations for ourselves.

Life is about finding ourselves and becoming everything we imagined we could be.  Ever heard the phrase, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination"?  The journey begins with a single step and continues throughout our entire lives.  All too often people think that they must suffer in the years spent working so they can reach retirement, but when they reach retirement years they only relax and wind down.  I disagree.  I believe the entire journey from beginning to end is a building process.  It is the moments that should be enjoyed and celebrated, not ignored in pursuit of the next phase.

Now apply that to failure.  Failure is a moment in the journey of a lifetime.  Failure is merely a bent nail in the foundations we are building for ourselves.  It can become as significant to the final project as we allow it to be.  What does this have to do with action?  Everything.  Action trumps everything.  Failure causes us to stop dead in our tracks.  It forces us to reconsider the structure of the foundation.  It not only makes us halt but it convinces us to look back with worry.  Has it all been a sham?  Where do we go from here?  Therein lies the choice.  The two options are to give up building the foundation or push ahead.  Action.  Action trumps everything.  The latter is the key because life is a journey and failure is merely a checkpoint to re-evaluate, it does not compromise the integrity of the foundation.

There are countless successful and influential people who have literally changed their own lives, and the lives of many who follow them.  I love the imagery of a serene pond or lake with a glassy surface.  It is as if the water is asleep waiting for something.  Then a small pebble pierces its surface and the ripples radiate from the center in exponentially larger rings.  What one thing initiated the response?  Action.

Failure has stopped us all in our tracks -- some longer than others.  The next time it happens muster the courage, take a single step and imagine the ripples radiating from that move.  We all have the right to pursue happiness while we build the foundation of a lifetime.  The pursuit of happiness requires action to keep moving.  Action trumps everything.

Fear and Courage

Fear is the first enemy of love.

What's the first thought that crossed your mind when you initially read that?  Mine was, "I'm not afraid to love."  Ok, that's a valid thought because I am afraid to put my heart out there for fear it will be broken.  But, my response narrowly focuses on how I project my love onto someone else.  As I've read and re-read this quote I find a deeper meaning.

The word love is thrown around these days haphazardly.  Webster's Dictionary defines love, in part, as: "the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration."  Love is much more than a feeling for someone, it is a feeling for something, too.  What is your love?  Do you harbor some fear in reaching it?  Perhaps fear is a barrier to making our dreams a reality.  The key is to overcome our fear in order to create the life we dream about.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Henry D. Thoreau

What is your dream?  Starting your own business?  Moving to another state or country?  Going back to school?  Changing jobs?  Becoming a professional athlete?  Whatever it is, what's holding you back?  Fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of the work.  I've faced them all, and I still do.  There is but one trait necessary to turn our dreams into reality -- courage.  The antithesis of fear is courage.  Courage is simply the mental mindset to overcome fear.

Courage is the mindset in the middle of a process.  This process begins with desire.  We must have a desire to follow our dreams.  Only when our desire to make our dreams a reality becomes greater than our fear can we begin to develop the courage to overcome the fear.  As our courage becomes more deeply ingrained in our character, fueled by smart choices and an optimistic demeanor, we develop the confidence to make the decisions necessary to change our lives.  It doesn't matter what stage you're at in life because we all have this fear to some degree.  We all yearn for a love of something.

So, fear is the first enemy of love.  Our love.  Our passion.  Fear is a lock on the gate in the nexus between dreams and reality.  Between here and happiness.  Courage is the key to that lock.  Living life and creating happiness takes courage.  Stand tall amid your critics.  Walk with pride away from the mine field of past decisions.  Hold your head high so you can keep your dreams in sight.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  The past is over and the choices you've previously made are inconsequential to your ability to follow your dreams...as long as your desire exceeds your fear.

Fear may be the first enemy of love, but courage is the first ingredient of happiness.

The Power of Your Words

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. ~ Mother Teresa

This post is about words and how powerful or influential they can be.  I had an incident this morning in which someone, unknown to me, said four words to me to remind me of a past failure.  Those four words could have been anything -- You are a failure. You are absolutely nothing. You will never change. -- but I found that they took control of me for a moment.  I felt snared in a trap.  I felt my own happiness deflate and I let this guy take ownership of a portion of my mind.  I pictured him standing on some of the most precious real estate ramming a flag into it to stake his claim.  My mind is the most precious real estate in my world.

Why did I let him in?  Why did I let him occupy that real estate?  Perhaps when others choose words to cast upon us they touch on our own insecurities.  Do I sometimes have thoughts that I am a failure?  You bet.  So, I felt exposed.  I can't prevent the words that someone says to me, but I can use my own words to keep myself safe and positive.  I can use positive self-talk as mortar to shore up any gaps in the foundation of positivity I'm building...or rather, re-building.

This causes me to try to comprehend the ultimate power of our words; Both the words we cast upon others as well as the words we cast upon ourselves.  The process by which we put words together to express a thought or emotion is wrought with intent.  We don't say something unless we intend to express something.  So, under that premise, we need to go back and address our own intent.  Is it rooted in positivity or negativity?  Words are merely the vehicle we use to penetrate and infiltrate the mind.  Good or bad.

A word is dead when it's been said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day. ~ Emily Dickinson

What can you control?  It all starts with you.  Begin by choosing and using words of empowerment to create the emotion and mindset you want.  Success is dependent on a positive attitude.  Once you paint your world in positivity you'll find that your intent brightens.  Focus more on finding and promulgating the positive things you see.  It is truly powerful to change your mindset.  Cloudy winter days become great days to cuddle and read.  Now, understand that our mindset creates our intent.

Once you fill your mind with positive and empowering words driven with positive intentions, the words we choose to combine and cast upon others become positive.  You cannot sincerely compliment someone if you feel anger or negative.  Conversely, you simply cannot condemn someone if your mind is full of love and happiness.

That man's four words held me captive for a moment.  I know who I am and what I stand for.  I know I have make mistakes in the past.  I also know I have the ability to prevent anyone from staking claim to the precious real estate in my mind because I already own it and I'm creating a beautiful world of my own, filled with love and gratitude.

A Simple Mantra

You're right...it has been a long time since my last post.  I enjoy writing this blog so much because it gives me an opportunity to look for things to share.  In fact, sharing words of happiness is an activity I thoroughly enjoy.  There is little that makes me feel better than to see someone smile.  When we started brainstorming ideas about slogans and t-shirts for the new store I knew I wanted something that was succinct, memorable and positive.  I came up with "Have Fun. Play Hard. Be Happy."

As I thought more and more about that phrase I wanted to put some meaning behind each sentence, or suggestion.  I know it is overly simple as a life mantra...or is it?  Those six words say a lot!  They represent some classic gateway principles to a happy and fulfilled life.

Have Fun.
This supports the idea that you get just one shot at life and it is your responsibility to enjoy it.  No one else can do that for you.  Recently Volkswagen ran an add with the text "It's not the miles, it's how you live them."  Below is the commercial for that ad.  Wonderful!!  That is a witty spin off of a classic quote credited to Abraham Lincoln. "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."  Enjoy this ride because you only get to take it once...Have Fun.

Play Hard.
The undertone here is one of just playing, but that's not the case.  This part of the slogan comes from a couple different sources.  The first is General George Patton who said, "Always do more than is required of you." But I like Og Mandino's approach.  He said, "Exercise your privilege to go the extra mile, and enjoy all the rewards you receive."  It is your privilege to do more.  Playing hard is saying give it your all.  Make this moment count by putting in the effort and you will excel.  Why?  Minimal effort is equivalent to mediocrity.  Life is a blessing and moments are opportunities, so tackle every single task with a fire of enthusiasm.  This principle is a foundation of leadership, too.  We lead all the time.  We lead by example for our children, our co-workers, our family and anyone, whether we know of them or not, who looks to us as an example.  Give it your all.  Fight mediocrity.  Play Hard.

Be Happy.
The last statement is more than a suggestion; It's a reminder.  Happiness comes from inside you, not the outside forces that surround you.  I will be honest here and tell you that I constantly have to remind myself of this.  I tend to let things bother me.  I become reactive to my environment rather than create my mood.  One of my absolute favorite quotes is by one of the greatest coaches and mentors of all time, John Wooden.  He said, "Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out."  I remind myself of that quote frequently when I need to remind myself that my emotions start inside me.  If I accept and make peace with what comes my way I become the master of my ship.  This last quote is for Bambi, who always seems to have a sincere smile on her face no matter what.  "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ Jimmy Dean.  Make your destination happiness.  This last trait will make the previous two much easier and meaningful.  Be Happy.

I believe so deeply in these ideas that it has become the unofficial mantra of our store.  We have it on our t-shirts, on our front window in large letters, and we include it in every advertisement.  I hope every single person who passes by our windows or sees an ad takes a moment to contemplate the meaning.  I told you I love sharing positive messages.  Enjoy your life, give it everything you've got, and captain your own ship.

Have Fun. Play Hard. Be Happy.

Tips from Hillary Biscay

I'm a fan of positivity.  I believe in the power of the mind and I believe we all have the ability to determine how our days are going to be--good or bad.  With that being said, I also believe it is a continuous process; a journey.  I read a lot of positive books and messages, and it keeps the fire of positivity ignited inside me.

As you know I've been gearing up for Ironman Boise and made a real concerted effort, no matter how busy my life got, to stay on my training program.  But then I had a bad training day.  I just felt like I could not get through the water even if my life depended on it.  I came back to the store, frustrated, and started looking through YouTube videos trying to find some motivation.  I found Hillary Biscay.  I first heard of her when I learned of the Ultraman Race and then saw her a few times on IM Live.  Very positive!

The video I found was titled "Beginner Tips for Triathletes".  In it she talks about 4 race day tips newbies should keep in mind and I found myself not only appreciating the advice from an incredible athlete, but also relating these tips to life.  So, below are Hillary Biscay's tips and how I feel they fit into everyday life and business.

1. Remember why you are out there.  At some level you are there for enjoyment or fulfillment.  In an ongoing effort to create the life we want we should always choose activities that make us happy.  I recently read a quote that stated "Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner."  That works for me.  I'm driven by my goals and constantly re-assess my journey.  To me this first tip is about staying on track.  In triathlon and in life we can easily get derailed if we fail to remember what got us excited in the first place.  Find the little things in life that make you happy and make it a goal to pursue them.  What better way to stay on track than to do what makes you happy?
2. Fake it 'til you make it.  I relate this to two things actually.  The first is the idea that you create your mood, not the things around you.  The surest way to get out of the funk you find yourself in is to smile.  I start every day looking in the mirror and smiling at myself.  My theory is if I can't muster a smile for the person looking back in the mirror then how can I muster one to share with the world?  Even when I feel a bit down in the dumps a smile is wonderful medicine.  Inevitably it changes your mood.  The second thing I relate to this tip is the theory behind the law of attraction.  In order for you to attract what you most desire in life you must believe.  Believe you are a triathlete.  Believe you are successful in business.  Believe you already possess abundant happiness.  Rather than carrying around the burden of constantly wanting something else, you must believe you already enjoy it:  success, wealth, happiness, etc.  Fake it 'til you make it by believing.
3. Pick one discipline at a time.  This most easily relates to the idea of living in the moment.  Hillary talked about focusing on whatever event you're doing at the moment rather than stressing about the next.  In life this is the same as living in the now.  This moment right now is the only thing you have.  The past is over and can never be changed, and the future is unwritten.  But every step you take now helps to create the future you want.  So rather than stress about the run while you're on the bike, focus your attention on the current task.  Live this moment the best way you can right now and make sure every step is in line with your goal.  That is the most effective way to ensure success.  In fact, that is the ONLY way to ensure success...by consistently working towards it one step at a time.
4. The only reason to quit a race is because of a broken right femur.  This is a great illustration of the mantra NEVER QUIT.  Life is tough and having the wrong mindset can make it tougher.  Despite any failure or setback you face in life it is never too late to begin now to create the life you want.  My all-time favorite quote sums it up: "Success is, and always has been, defined as getting back up just one more time than you've fallen down."

I got back in the pool the next day, I swam and I felt better.  I shrugged off the bad workout, refocused on my goal and completed that day's training, and the next, and the next.  If ever you feel moments of weakness or despair about reaching your goal surround yourself with positive people.  In some cases they may be loved ones, coaches, friends or teachers.  In other cases they may simply be someone you know of sharing words of encouragement to others.  In either case a "thank you" is in order.

Today's Fuel

I believe in the Law of Attraction.  All of the teachings of The Secret, which are evidenced in the teachings of Napoleon Hill when he says "What the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."  I get that.  Invest your thoughts wholly into believing _______ will come to you or happen for you.  It's not your job to worry about how it will happen, just believe it will...without a doubt.

And then I heard a speech by Jim Carrey in which he mentioned the philosophy that the only thing you have is now.  He went on to explain that we create anger, fear and unhappiness in our own minds by prophesying about the future.  Living in the now involves three concepts:

• The past will never change.  You cannot rewrite history and you cannot change your own past.  But that's OK because your past does not dictate your future.  The saying goes, "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending (Maria Robinson)."  Let it go.  Let go of the pain, failure and guilt.  
• The future is merely a figment of your imagination.  You cannot predict the future.  Think of the amount of time you've spent worrying about something in the future, or dreading a decision you thought you might have to make.  Think about the anxiety you've felt preparing for a confrontation with someone.  If he says this, I'll say that.  The only decision you need to make to prepare for your future is the one you're in right now!  Every moment that slips by lost in fear or dread is a lost moment to set the stage for happiness and success.  "Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment (Oprah Winfrey)."  Life is series of moments, so make the most of this one.
• Enjoy every moment.  That last quote sets the stage for the next and so on and so on.  This philosophy doesn't dictate that you relinquish control over your life by giving up on planning for the future.  Rather, it suggests that you live this moment in a manner that will allow you to live the next in the direction of your goals.  Visualize dropping a stepping stone directly in front of you with each step.  The best you can do is set the next stone in a path in line with your goals. 

This fits within the law of attraction nicely and the the key word is "believe".  It is your responsibility to live as if this concept your mind has conceived is already a reality.  That is your NOW.  The key is to live in the current moment, in reality, and simultaneously appreciate your blessings while visualizing and attracting what you want in your life.  Happiness begets happiness.  Joy for life begets joy for life.  Believe in yourself and believe it will be as joyful as you choose.