This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Bumpy Roads: Beautiful Places

Since moving back to Montana I've pined for the views and sensations of standing atop the peaks of the Bridger Mountains.  So one day we set out to hike Sacajawea Peak.  We turned off the main road and began winding our way up the mountain to the trailhead.  It turned from a dirt road to a terribly bumpy road.  I thought about turning around several times.

We continued, bumping and bouncing, along that "road" and found many suitable turnouts along the way.  Many suitable places to give up.  But we continued.  When we reached the trailhead it was surprisingly packed with cars.  I truly expected the lot to be empty and I was shocked to find the types of cars that made that trip up the long and bumpy road.

The trail was exceptional.  It moved through the trees into an open trail across the mountain to a beautiful saddle.  From that point we could see down onto both sides.  But we pressed on to the peak. The journey was well worth the effort; well worth the bumps and well worth the worry.

Isn't that how life goes, too?  We set out to reach a goal but the road gets bumpy so we begin to look for suitable turnouts along the way.  Justifiable points to quit and get off the bumpy road.  When that happens you must press on.  The bumpiest roads lead to the most beautiful places.

What makes successful people different is that their actions are more linear and in alignment with their goals.  "Life is little more than a series of overlapping stories about who we are, where we came from and how we survive." Success comes from linking these together so that your story is one of building and growth, even with a healthy dose of failure growth must occur.

Think back to when you set this goal.  To when your frame of mind convinced you to set out and accomplish this goal or make this journey.  It was likely a mindset of inspiration or motivation, when your soul thrived for the challenge.  It came from a time when your mind was linking a previous accomplishment to your goal.  Don't quit...stay the course.

However, if for some reason you fail to reach that goal this time, if the road is just too bumpy, consider it a lesson.  Back up to the point where you conceived this plan and factor in the new information. All is not lost, it is simply an incremental gain.  The road ahead dares you to try while the road behind bows to your perseverance.  These are your goals and accomplishments, and it is up to you to link the two.

Bumpy roads lead to beautiful places.

Risk

I recently read a short post by Seth Godin in which he asked, "How deep is the water?"  The point is if it's too deep to stand, does it really matter?  My short answer is yes.  My long answer is...

There is a learned trait in most of us: the ability to calculate risk.  Very small children don't necessarily have this internal safety net or at least they use a far less complicated calculator.  As a toddler, I lacked the ability to judge height while standing on the coffee table (that choice is perhaps for another discussion) and promptly took one step off into a perfect face plant.  We slowly begin to learn the consequence for failure.

So, on to my long answer to Mr. Godin's post, it does matter how deep the water is to a certain degree.  Think about the differences in these activities. Walk heel-to-toe across a balance beam that is six inches from the ground versus walking that same balance beam 600 feet from the ground.  Swim in the deep end of an eight-foot pool versus swimming in the middle of the ocean.  We calculate risk based on our perception of an escape plan and the perceived consequences.  Can I step off this beam if needed or can I get to the side of the pool?

There are certainly degrees of consideration between my extreme examples but at some point we draw the line for ourselves.  Walking a balance beam 600 feet above the ground is insane, unless of course you had a safety harness.  What about six feet off the ground?  Or 16 feet?  Swimming in the ocean conjures up all kinds of fears for me but what about a pool that is 20 feet deep or even a lake that is far too deep for me to descend and touch bottom?  We all have that line.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." ~ Neale Donald Walsch

That is the point to this all.  Calculating risk is a learned behavior but it most certainly matters how deep the water is...based on your ability to calculate the risk and find an exit strategy.  It is possible to accomplish feats we never imagined possible but it requires an ability as well as a desire to let go a bit.

The most effective way to accomplish this is to identify the goal or task you wish to tackle and then work your way back to determine what is necessary to get there.  Reversing this process--that is taking your current state and trying to determine what steps to take to get to your goal--often leaves us feeling overwhelmed and unsure of our ability.  It's alright to be scared but challenge that fear and learn to calculate a new risk.

"If visualizing your goal doesn't evoke an excited panic, it's likely not the right goal." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Using the F-word as a Stepping Stone

Whether on a macro- or micro-scale, we all fall short in our attempts to reach our goals or reach greatness, whatever that may be.  In those attempts, and re-attempts, it sometimes just seems too hard, or it doesn't make sense, or it makes you want to quit.  It's precisely at those moments that we must not stop.  Failure, the F-word, is a stepping stone.

"One of the greatest tragedies of personal growth is quitting.  If you take stock now you may find the odds stacked against you, but tomorrow is a new day.  Remember, opportunity knocks just once and you are always just one chance away from greatness.  So, stay in the game and answer the damn door." ~ Jason Huntsinger

I've learned through my own failures there are three traits that will facilitate you in overcoming failure and rediscovering your greatness: reflection, persistence and resilience.  This combination is what makes it possible to move past failure.  But, it's a process.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon you will get back to that level of greatness you always imagined if you stick with it and use failure as a stepping stone.  Trust me...it will happen.

Reflection
This is the first trait because we must have the ability to learn from the failure.  This is the greatest learning opportunity you will ever have so look at it and dig around.  Find the cause and effect.  Map it out and really understand it so you see the route you took.  Don't waste time regretting, that is purely emotional, rather spend the time trying to understand.

"Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes." ~ John Dewey

Persistence
I love the idea of this word: an obstinate continuance in a course of action.  Failure can make us feel like someone has taken away our ability to succeed.  Who's permission do we need to be successful or happy?  Only our own.  Reflect on the twists and turns along the way that brought you here and then get back on track.  Carry on; you don't need permission!!

"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." ~ Winston Churchill

Resilience
In many ways I feel this is the most important trait.  You've got to bounce back.  It's this elasticity factor that enables you to get up, look back and shake it off.  Without resilience you would simply let the world crush you.  I'm not talking about simple mediocrity...I'm talking about physically collapsing under the weight of the world. But, that won't happen. We are all here for a purpose, so find yours and go after it with every ounce you can muster.  Stumble and regain your footing.  Fall and get up.  Get knocked down and fight back to your feet.  This is your life and you get one chance at it.  Greatness is not found in the past, it's before you waiting to be discovered.

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out.  The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.  Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough.  They're there to stop the other people." ~ Randy Pausch

Getting What You Want

I'm always inspired by this concept: You can do anything if you put your mind to it.  While I understand the motivational intent of the concept, I also believe at some point, if things just don't line up properly, we should move on.  It's not quitting; it's just not beating our heads against the wall anymore.

In this world we are not alone.  Like it or not, other people and their experiences must be factored into our decisions, and they must also be considered when deciding what goals to pursue.  From our baseline energy or enthusiasm in pursing something we want, some other invested party -- a stakeholder -- can either imbue our energy or dilute it.  I agree, wholeheartedly, that our attitude should not be altered by the external forces of the world, but the reality is that our pursuits are.

Having said that, here is the solution.

"When you can't change the direction of the wind - adjust your sails." ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Suppose you seek promotion in the company you currently work for and you are actively pursuing, and accomplishing, the prerequisite job requirements.  For example, you complete your bachelor degree, acquire your PMP certification, gain experience by leading a project team and follow the company policies to the letter in order to receive outstanding performance evaluations.  First of all, great job!  You should be proud.  But say the company doesn't give you the promotion.  You've tried a few times but to no avail.  What's the answer...quit trying and fall into whatever role they want you to be in?  No.

The same is true in interpersonal relationships.  You might do everything you can imagine to form a bond with someone to share the lifetime of love we all desire.  That special someone who knows everything about you -- all your flaws, failures, disappointments, loves and quirks -- and still sees you with complete acceptance, but you just can't "promote" to the next level.  What's the answer...quit trying and remain in a relationship that is less than incredible?  No.

The answer is -- if this is something you truly desire -- adjust your sails to reach it.  This will require change, but change can be good.  Don't focus on what you're losing, that only creates excuses to remain.  Instead, focus on new opportunities to meet your goals.  Find a new job in which you can promote.  Say goodbye to the limiting forces in your life.  Find someone new who can invest as much into you as you do to them.  It's scary and it hurts, but you deserve it.  Acceptance is an essential feeling to experience.  It leads to appreciation which, as mentioned above, imbues the energy and enthusiasm inside us all.

Be brave and get what you want.  You are worth it.

Opportunity is the Optimist's Word for Choice

I believe in the concept that failure is a part of success.  You will never truly appreciate success and happiness unless you know the feeling of failure.  Some failures are hiccups and part of the learning curve while others are the product of grossly negligent decisions or malfeasance.  Nonetheless, neither of these results are permanent although some failures are more difficult to rebound from.

"It's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back that counts." ~ Zig Ziglar 

Failure is the easy part in the equation.  Finding the resilience to rebound is the tough part.  What drives someone to get back up?  Sometimes it seems easier to just lay there, breathing in the dirt, with your eyes closed hoping no one was looking.  But, inevitably, they were.  Why do we get back up?  It's hard and it's embarrassing.

I'm inspired by the idea that I have the potential to do something great in my life.  I'm not sure what that it yet, but it is imminent.  Perhaps I will see through my goal of becoming a personal trainer and helping others change their lives.  Perhaps I will create and run a business that will set the bar for corporate philanthropy.  Perhaps I will be a great father and model the right balance of love, acceptance and encouragement for my kids to change the world.  Greatness is personal and a superb motivator.

"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure." ~ Abraham Lincoln

That begs the question, are there great people or great just opportunities?  It seems to me that we all begin life the same way.  We all face somewhat similar choices throughout our early lives.  Where we differ is how well we reason through these choices, which is the primary factor in how far we fall.  But at the root of it all we are all human beings with the same opportunities.  Opportunity is the optimist's word for choice.

When you feel driven by greatness, in whatever form that may be, you begin to see every choice as an opportunity.  The people who become known as great have learned to make better choices and seize opportunities.  And, that is where life is truly lived, in the moments of personal greatness.  That's why we keep getting up.  That's why we brush ourselves off, spit the dirt out of our mouths and refocus our sights ahead.  Opportunities are much easier to see when you stand with your head held high, rather than laying in the dirt and defeated.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.  Because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." ~ Steve Jobs

Action

"Action trumps everything."

I really love this quote because it is so simple and true.  Action is the answer...period.  Action is the deliberate effort to do something.  In my mind "something" is moving toward my goals.

Whenever the new year comes around people often make resolutions to change something in their lives.  I've even heard them called "bucket lists" recently.  This name implies something to do before we "kick the bucket."  I hate that!  While I agree that we are perishable items on this earth, our goals ought not be simply a check box before we die.  Think about the effort it took to overcome a fear and make the effort to do something.  Really think back.  That first jump you launched yourself off with your bicycle.  The first time you mustered the courage to ask that special girl to prom.  The first job interview you walked into.  These all took courage and were building steps to the people we are today.  Building, not bucket.  We are building foundations for ourselves.

Life is about finding ourselves and becoming everything we imagined we could be.  Ever heard the phrase, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination"?  The journey begins with a single step and continues throughout our entire lives.  All too often people think that they must suffer in the years spent working so they can reach retirement, but when they reach retirement years they only relax and wind down.  I disagree.  I believe the entire journey from beginning to end is a building process.  It is the moments that should be enjoyed and celebrated, not ignored in pursuit of the next phase.

Now apply that to failure.  Failure is a moment in the journey of a lifetime.  Failure is merely a bent nail in the foundations we are building for ourselves.  It can become as significant to the final project as we allow it to be.  What does this have to do with action?  Everything.  Action trumps everything.  Failure causes us to stop dead in our tracks.  It forces us to reconsider the structure of the foundation.  It not only makes us halt but it convinces us to look back with worry.  Has it all been a sham?  Where do we go from here?  Therein lies the choice.  The two options are to give up building the foundation or push ahead.  Action.  Action trumps everything.  The latter is the key because life is a journey and failure is merely a checkpoint to re-evaluate, it does not compromise the integrity of the foundation.

There are countless successful and influential people who have literally changed their own lives, and the lives of many who follow them.  I love the imagery of a serene pond or lake with a glassy surface.  It is as if the water is asleep waiting for something.  Then a small pebble pierces its surface and the ripples radiate from the center in exponentially larger rings.  What one thing initiated the response?  Action.

Failure has stopped us all in our tracks -- some longer than others.  The next time it happens muster the courage, take a single step and imagine the ripples radiating from that move.  We all have the right to pursue happiness while we build the foundation of a lifetime.  The pursuit of happiness requires action to keep moving.  Action trumps everything.

Today's Fuel

I shared this quote the other day and I felt the need to break it down a bit further to really grasp what it is saying.  The quote is from Napoleon Hill, author of the bestselling book Think and Grow Rich, and it goes:


"Before success comes in any man's life, he's sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That's exactly what the majority of men do."


This quote speaks of a passage that everyone must endure on the path to success.  We've all felt defeat, some perhaps repeatedly, and I'm quite sure we've all felt some form of failure, too.  There are levels of failure.  Some are caused by the poor choices we make and others are caused by other factors, many of which are the result of not planning properly.  I choose to discuss the failures associated with poor choices.  I know that failure.

So, to amend the quote a bit, "When failure overtakes a man, the easiest thing to do is quit."  But what does it really mean to quit?  You can quit on life altogether; you can quit trying to reach your existing goals; or you can quit setting goals to reach.  It is one of the saddest things in life to see someone who has quit.  No matter what he has quit.

I resolve to never quit.  Life is too precious to quit.  My life is too precious to quit.  My goals are too important to me and the world to quit.  So, in looking back at Hill's quote, the key to avoid this is to avoid letting these failures overtake you.  Quitting is the path of least resistance for those who have been overtaken.  There is another saying that I repeat to myself time and again.  "I am bigger than anything that happens to me."  I cannot be overtaken by any event or failure, even if it is the result of my own poor choices, because I am bigger than any event.  My life is a journey and this failure is not my destination.

So, the point of this edition is this: no matter how difficult things may seem at the moment develop the mindset right now that you will never have a desire or a thought to quit.  It's that simple.  If you don't entertain the thought then it won't become an option.  If it isn't an option to quit you won't allow yourself to be overtaken.  There's no "out" but there is always a seed of opportunity within the failure.  Spend your time searching for that rather than looking for the moment you can quit.