We See What We Want To See

This piece, like every blog, is purely a collection of words that I've arranged to describe a thought. I can try my best to communicate emotion through these words but, alas, they are just words. Nevertheless, the reader (you) will interpret these words and their context exactly as you want to see them. Your perspective is based on your own attitude towards this abstraction as you interpret these words looking for emotion, meaning and undertones. We see what we want to see.

"Songs are as sad as the listener." ~ J.S. Foer

Think about this quote, and recall one of your favorite songs. Recall the place where you stood in life when you heard the words, or, more importantly, when the words took meaning for you. Your attitude completely affected the meaning and influenced your perspective. But, obviously, not everyone sees the same meaning; we see what we want to see.

This idea is applicable to many parts of life. Whether listening to a song, reading an article, hearing a story or even in our daily interactions, we are always influenced by our own attitude and perception. I believe that once our initial opinion of the artist, author, narrator or person is corroborated by our attitude it forges a longer-term assumption that, intentionally or not, influences our future interactions. We see what we want to see.

My narrative thus far has focused on the self-regarding manner in which we view the world. It paints a picture of control on our part and, as beneficiaries of our perception, how we interpret the world. But for every action, such as the judgment and opinion we cast into the world, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Someone else is judging you right now.

"...it would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and draws all sorts of conclusions." ~ Malcolm Gladwell 

When I shift my thought process from one of casting judgment outward to the impact and influence of being judged, it reminds me of the Golem effect. I can remember exactly where I was the first time I heard this term because it has resonated with me ever since. In summary, it is a concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy whereby placing a judgment of low expectations on someone effectively lowers his performance.

This theory is most clearly relevant in closer relationships and interactions: the parent-child, teacher-student or manager-employee relationship, to be specific. But what if the ramifications of the Golem effect profoundly and silently impact your ability to interact or communicate with the rest of the world? Is there such a thing as a societal Golem effect? Of course! Individuals in various classes of life commonly assess a negative expectation onto others whether because of federally-protected criteria such as race, color, gender, religion, ancestry, age, veteran status or disability, but also political affiliation, income, location or criminal history.

The societal Golem effect causes your harmony with society to be out of balance. The spoken and unspoken agreements you make with others in daily interactions become meaningless and the words you offer, regardless of whether they are intended to support or encourage, become subject to the attitudinal perceptions mentioned above. How can we interact with one another in a harmonious bond if our primary means of communication is null of the meaning we give it and imbued with the attitude of its recipient?

"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words." ~ Rumi

Clearly, any time we directly violate trust or create a misunderstanding in the interpersonal relationships you hold close it may influence the agreements and attitudes of both parties. If you lie to someone they don't quickly forgive or forget. But remember, the Golem effect is a facet of the self-fulfilling prophecy, which means if your interpersonal interactions cause you to cast irreparable negative influences upon yourself, it is just as oppressive as interacting with someone who treats you in a derogatory manner. At some point in life, when these attitudes outweigh any possibility of positive communication and your relationship shifts from harmony to dissonance it is time to terminate the association. Your life deserves positive influences and people who fill you with positive expectations. You deserve hope. You can never start a new day, with a new mindset, if you are consistently judged by the empty expectations of yesterday. We see what we want to see, so make it something positive. Your soul will thank you.

"Simply put, you cannot live a happy life with the weight of negative expectations." ~ me

This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Looking Through the Miraculous Lens

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm leading with a strong quote today from a wild-haired theoretical physicist.  From the moment I read this quote it became one of my favorites.  One mind and two eyes, but two views.  Two mindsets.  Two lenses through which to view life.  Two lenses to view absolutely everything.

There are so many analogies and parallels to draw on at this point, but let's talk about kites.

It's a topic that has surfaced in my life recently for a special reason.  It's something so seemingly mundane to discuss but that's the exact point of this.  One man's mundaneness is another man's opportunity to look through the miraculous lens.

As a kid I viewed a kite as a toy, purchased at the toy or corner drug store.  It was a simple configuration rolled into a clear plastic bag.  Upon further inspection I always found it contained usually hollow plastic rods, a diamond-shaped plastic skin to be stretched and the tethering string.  Simple.  Seemed to be void of much thought.  All the makings of a mundane experience.

Flying a kite as a kid is more often a test in patience and persistence, than an exhilarating experience. We hold the string tightly to control the kite's flight, raise our arms minimally to instigate lift and hope for the best.  More often than not our control forces it to nosedive into the ground.  Do you see the view through the lens that nothing is a miracle?

Switch to the Miraculous Lens

Kites have had a bum rap.  They've been characterized as directionless, controllable and uncomplicated.  What if that was entirely wrong?  What if the beauty and miracle of a kite is that it rises against the forces of nature?  What if the complexity of the engineering is meant to appear simple in design?

In contrast to my childhood thoughts on kites, I see them differently now.  I see the the wonder of flight.  I see effort and strength.  I see the beauty of accomplishment in rising.

Looking through the lens that everything is a miracle I see that kites are truly a work of art, more than 2000 years old, complex in concept and simple in design.  The materials or characteristics of design, while seemingly weightless and fragile in their own right, combine to form the proper structure to endure the winds of the earth.  Their skin fills with just enough air to rise, relying on the internal frame for just enough support, to create a harmonious existence amongst the stars.  And the string we believe tethers this kite does no such thing.  The kite seeks not to be tethered and that's why, as children, we force it to nosedive.  The kite is pulling us, not fighting us.  The kite, in true optimistic form, wants nothing more than to fly and bring us along, too.

"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it." ~ Winston Churchill

I realize this is perhaps a bit obscure.  But, how does it translate to life and the people in our lives?  How can we see this as an example that limiting our mindset and viewing life as though nothing is a miracle affects our ability to appreciate the people in our lives?

Let's just take it one person at a time.  When you meet that one person in your life who displays characteristics similar to a kite appreciate them.  They are a miracle.  See their desire to rise and grow; recognize the complexity of their soul and the simplicity of their spirit; understand the vulnerability and strength necessary to set themselves against the backdrop of the open sky and take flight; grasp the concept that should you recognize and support their journey they want to bring you to them, not resist your tether.

Yes, kites have had a bum rap, but I sure do love them ;)

"Kites seek not to be tethered, flowers seek not to be picked, and birds seek not to be caged.  When you harness the beautiful things in life you remove their ability to be beautiful." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Choose Your Brush Wisely

While driving home from St. George, Utah, last May, I caught my reflection in the rear view mirror, and for just a split second I didn't recognize the eyes looking back.  Through all my years I've always recognized the eyes of the man looking back at me in the mirror, even when the face changed a bit, but this time he looked different.  He was older.  He was weathered.  He was disappointed.  His eyes didn't shine like they usually do.  His eyes used to squint in laughter but that day they leaked in pain.  I'm 46 now, perhaps half way through life, so maybe it's a good time to figure out: What does happiness look like?  

"Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story." ~ Leo Tolstoy

We convincingly tell ourselves stories about why we're unhappy or why we can't be happy in this circumstance or that, yet how often do we convince ourselves that it's all perfectly fine?  It's perfectly acceptable, and I'll argue it's even healthy, to be in an undesirable situation and find moments of happiness.  I'm not suggesting hysterically laughing during a divorce proceeding but certainly there is some seed of happiness in another part of that same day.  And that is the point here...we characterize entire sections of our lives with pain but mere moments with happiness.  Countless times I've convinced myself that my unhappiness is deserved.  I've allowed this mindset to dilute my appreciation of everything around me.  Beauty washed out by my own thoughts.

"We have a tendency to paint unhappiness in our lives with a broad brush overextending the relevancy of the circumstance; yet we paint happiness with a fine tip brush carefully staying with the constraints of the moment.  Wouldn't you agree it's time to switch brushes?" ~ me 

We are all on a journey to find ourselves, better ourselves, make peace or be happy.  Literally, if we're not working towards some personal development goal then we are working to overcome some failure.    We're either content or discontented.  Over the last several years I've experienced both feelings and characterized my life as a work in progress.  Characterized an entire segment of my life with this broad brush!  I've searched outside myself for happiness and convinced myself I'm struggling to get some traction.  I've used that phrase quite a bit...trying to get some traction.  I've said I'm waiting for these ideas and plans ruminating inside my head to finally take shape.  Trying to get some traction is the phrase I've used as an excuse to explain where I am at this point in life and why I'm there.  I'm trying to get some traction on finding happy.

What does happiness look like?

We attempt to pinpoint, using the fine tip brush, happiness to a specific moment, yet we fail to understand the appreciation of that moment is only possible if we are happy.  Happiness is not the moment but rather the state surrounding this moment.  We needed a broad fanning brush of happiness swept across the entire situation--leading into, during and transitioning out of--to recognize this moment.  In this respect, happiness is difficult to quantify but it's easy to feel.  Happiness is the perfect harmony between mindset and moment.  It's an allowance to appreciate and partake in pleasures that encourage you to smile, laugh, feel and dream.  But here is the absolute kicker...you will never know happiness without also knowing discontent.  It's the same concept that recognizing the true beauty of the stars is only possible in darkness.

"Happiness is the perfect harmony of mindset and moment." ~ me

In reality, you cannot insulate yourself solely from either aspect of your journey.  You cannot guard against sorrow while being open to joy.  Opening your mind, body and soul to the prospect of true happiness also opens the door to the possibility of pain.  Experience them both and don't try to control that.  What you can control is which brush you choose to swipe across the canvas of life.  Choose the broad brush generously to paint happiness across your life; use the fine tip brush carefully, staying completely with the lines, to recognize the delineation of this moment in contrast to what your life truly is...HAPPY.

Thoughts on Being All In

I attended my son's high school basketball game yesterday.  Sitting behind his team's bench I was privy to the bench conversations, huddle strategics and court side direction.  It was all so very supportive and intentional...a positive experience for the boys and as a spectator.  And then, while watching the team finish a :30 second huddle and head back onto the floor, I overheard their exclamatory mantra: ALL IN!!!

"You can't do passion halfway. Living your passion means you're all in. You trust your heart and trust your gut wherever that takes you." ~ Joe Plumeri

I expected them to chant DEFENSE or SPARTANS or some other generic rah, rah go team phrase.  But ALL IN is a phrase that's been on my mind a lot lately.  It's also been on my fingertips and the tip of my tongue as I write and talk about my life.  So, being exactly who I am, I started thinking about what that means to me.  The first place I went was to my son.  I asked him why they chant ALL IN and he replied, "I don't know. They just told us to at the beginning so we do."  Ok, that was no help!

ALL IN: They're two very short words and, seemingly, quite generic.  But the first impression is that this signifies a commitment.  Bear in mind that I'm speaking from the point of view of how I use that phrase in life rather than how a basketball spectator uses it to watch the game.

Following the game I drove two hours back home and that phrase just kept popping into my head.  ALL IN is more than just an utterance of commitment.  It's not a generic chant, but rather a bold exclamation.  The ALL of this phrase states every ounce of your being--including your body, mind, spirit, heart and soul--is involved in this.

As the quote above suggests, it's a passion, an impetus towards something great.  That distinction separates this experience from a commitment.  With a commitment you have made a choice.  You've deliberated the pros and cons, and found greater value in the benefits than the impact of the detriments, and that is the point.  With a commitment some part of you retains hesitation and caution is born.  I believe to proclaim the word ALL, with absolute sincerity, is to describe yourself wholly.

The IN of this phrase suggests inclusion; an offering to participate.  Seeking inclusion to participate in an activity or event is preceded by an agreement.  "I understand the situation and I'd like to participate."

"There's no where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be..." ~ John Lennon

So what, exactly, makes ALL IN different?  Why am I writing about this?  It's because being ALL IN is not a choice.  There is no deliberation or qualification to join.  There is no asking for guidance prior.  It's literally surrendering to the magnetic impulses of your soul, not by succumbing to force or coercion, but by creating intentions for your journey and letting go.  It's simply an understanding that every part of you is every part of this, without question and without reservation.  It's ALL IN.

Thoughts on Walking Home

I'm in Florida and wrapping up a two-week training program for work.  It's January, the weather is amazing, I'm running every day and I'm inspired.  My inspiration lied dormant for a bit and, sadly, so did my appreciation for some of the little things in life...until today.  While on my run I witnessed something so simple but so beautiful.  It made me slow to a walk and smile.  It affected me so instantly that my first reaction was an impulse to approach these two people and express my veneration.  What, you might now wonder, could make me react this way and sit down to write about it?  I witnessed a father greet his middle-school-aged son getting off the school bus.

"We are all just walking each other home." ~ Ram Dass

I've known of this quote for a while and it resonated with me the first time I read it.  There was something about the imagery it conjured up for me.  And, truthfully, today when I witnessed the father and son greeting my recollection of this quote is what stopped me.

The son disembarked the school bus and walked directly towards his father, who was also walking to anticipate the meeting.  When they reached each other the father wrapped his arms around his son and the two shared a gentle laugh.  Then they exchanged a few words, the father wrapped one arm around his son's shoulder and they walked back towards their home.

All I did was witness a simple, likely daily, interaction between a father and his son, and now I just walked along smiling like an idiot!!  So your next question is probably, "What is wrong with this guy?" The answer to that question is either everything or nothing...check back later.  But to remain on point, the impactful moment for me was the greeting and walk home, and that got me thinking.

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

Looking back at the quote above, the obvious point when I first read this was that we are all just walking.  Doesn't that summon imagery of a quasi-pilgrimage?  Depending where you and your mindset are in life it may paint a picture of a head-down shuffle almost as if drawn to a destination.  But, somehow this show of father and son affection painted a completely different picture for me.  The walk is actually a journey and the point of this is not that we are walking, but that we are walking each other.

This life is far less about making the journey than it is about making it with someone, adding value to their journey, sometimes only sharing the sounds of your breath and other times a laugh.  Taking this journey together is giving yourself to someone.  It shifts your focus away from egocentrism and more toward creating an altruistic purpose in the world.  The ending remains the same, in that we all reach home, but the journey becomes built with intention.  This was simply a father and son meeting after school and walking home.  In some households this task my be referred to as, "I have to go get the kids," but in other households this is seen as an opportunity to walk each other home.

"The only thing we truly have in this world to give away is our love." ~ me

Live Your Rhythm

One of the things I love about life is the opportunity to talk and connect with people.  I've had some truly incredible, and sometimes emotional, interactions with random people, acquaintances and new friends.  These experiences have added value to my life and sometimes provide a new path for introspection.  It's in these moments that I've felt my heart swell, find direction and beat a little quicker.

On the contrary, some folks don't find this connection.  Instead they make a comparison; a juxtaposition of lives that ignites resentment.  These are your critics.

"The path to personal fulfillment comes from your heart, not your critics." ~ me

I've recently heard a phrase, while talking to one of my customers, that really stuck with me.  It was one of those phrases that makes you stop and really try to digest every word: Live your rhythm.  You've got to design your own flow, at your own pace, with your own motivations and inspirations.  The trick is finding like-minded people who encourage your journey, value your effort and believe in you, and the question is how do you find those people.

It's a question of balancing vulnerability and self-assuredness.  You will never realize the life you envision for yourself if you don't expose your intentions and your heart.  Your path is drawn by your heart, paved with desire, goals and fulfillment.  All too often we undervalue the voice inside but overvalue the voices of the critics.  Remember the critics?  The ones who are unable to support your journey because they compare and contrast life.

Living your rhythm means, to me, creating your direction and pace through life in harmony with your dreams.  It means listening to your own voice, your own heartbeat and your own intentions rather than those who project their own frustrations onto you.  It means navigating life the way you choose to navigate it, connecting with positive influences who contribute to the value of your life, experiencing the triumph of unabashedly opening your heart to the world and feeling the absolute peace of fulfillment.

"What happens when people open their hearts? They get better." ~ Haruki Murakami        

Thoughts on Watching Others Succeed

"Non nobis solum nati summum." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

This phrase translates to "Not for ourselves alone are we born."  There is something about this phrase that just sticks with me and, oddly enough, makes me appreciate social media.  I think back to the first time I heard about Instagram and the criticism: Why do people care about the pictures you post?

I care...sometimes.  I care when I see your struggle, your discipline, your dedication and achievement.  As a result I subscribe to people who's journeys I care to see, the people within whom I see these traits.  I care because we are all in this together, yet we are all on our own journeys.  I care because you and I seem to have common interests.  I care because I've been in the bleachers of an Ironman finish, closing in on the midnight deadline and I've seen the pain in your face as you push through to cross the line.  With an empathetic and encouraging heart, I care because I know the voices in our heads are sometimes so convincing that they can't be ignored.  And social media is a great platform for this documentary of life and achievement.

I have often thought about two ideologies that seem to contradict one another.  The thought that no one has the power to cause us pain by criticizing us unless we let them and the other thought that our own words have the power to build or destroy.  These are contradictory to me because it's a play on the locus on control.  We either have the internal fortitude to shrug off negativity or we believe we have the power to alter someone's entire world with our utterances.  Is it in us or not?  Is it in them or not?  Is the struggle internal or external?  Are we our own hero or do we succumb to the antagonists of the world?  Maybe what's really most important is not whether others have some impact on our journey, but that to achieve a purposeful life we need to positively impact others.

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves." ~ Horace Mann 

My point of this thought is this: I believe there is no greater human experience than cheering for someone else to succeed.  I believe in great personal experiences, but to be human means to participate in humanity, and I believe we have an innate necessity to participate in the human achievement.  The voices spewing doubt in our heads, or outside our heads, are bullshit, and we all know that.  But the voices singing our praise are real, and we need to remember that.

I've been focusing my attention on the concept of vulnerability for a bit now.  The goal, any goal, of achievement is laying yourself on the line.  It's literally stepping forward to take on more.  It's a show of willingness to try and fail more than anything else.  As witnesses to this brave step forward we should have no other reaction that honest encouragement.

"I want to treat all of life like an Ironman finishing chute: on my feet, tears of joy in my eyes, fully engaged and cheering at the top of my lungs for those around me to succeed." ~ me

The Olympics are a fantastic demonstration of our willingness to support our fellow (wo)man.  But why should that support be any different than the support we give our training buddies, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or even perfect strangers?  I find incredible inspiration from the people I find and follow on Instagram.  Your journey is amazing and you are amazing.  Remember that.

The next time you scroll across someone's Instagram feed and see a photo of their alarm set for 4:00am with some sort of motivational message, or see a photo of their three hour trainer ride, or read some comment about how cold the pool is at 5:00am, remember they have faced the same doubts and challenges you do.  The difference is that they chose not to listen to the doubt, nor the critics.  They chose to put themselves on the line and share their journey.  That locus of control lives within them.  This is their journey so our only hope is that they hear our cheers just enough to push a little harder, hang on a little longer and reach a little farther.

Learning New Words

Social media is really a fascinating creature.  In one respect I've felt incredibly connected to people I have never met face-to-face yet with whom I share common interests, and in another I have never been more appalled at the sickening disrespect some people show from behind the keyboard.  That's life though, really.  Some people share triumphs and others share pain.  Some share positivity and others share dribble.  I choose to seek out and follow positivity and inspiration on social media...and in life.  I've found that life and even social media are teaching me things.  I'm learning new words.

"The words we say to ourselves can serve as elixir or venom, and only we can decide which.  Can you imagine a greater gift or a greater responsibility?" ~ Jason Huntsinger

I have always considered myself to be a positive and productive person.  I've accomplished some great things in my life and remained hopeful.  But my frame of reference has, in hindsight, been fairly narrow.  I've never travelled the world.  I've only been out of the United States twice barely outside the borders to the north and south.  Social media has broadened my perspective and the authors of the information and thoughts I follow inspire me.  I've seen photos of the most amazing places from points of view that were previously unimaginable.  I've read stories from fellow athletes about epic
adventures and races.  I've followed individuals through weight loss and watched them accomplish goals.  It's so utterly amazing and inspiring.

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled." ~ Plutarch 

I recall during my undergraduate studies reading a synopsis of Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat thinking how incredible it was to think school age kids in far-off lands had access to the same information highway that I did.  I was, again, narrowly focusing.  As if everyone in the world wanted to see what I could see and access the information that I could access.  I am now the one seeking to understand the beauty that so many of you live for and dream about.  What does it really feel like to stand on the face of a sheer cliff and look out at the sunrise?  How about swimming with turtles off the coast of Costa Rica?  What about envisioning a dream for yourself to win a race and then actually fulfilling that dream?  Simply amazing experiences that I can see through social media.  I'm learning new words through these experiences; Words I either failed to understand or failed to learn in all my 45 years on this earth.   These are some of the new words I've learned from you.

• Inspiration:  The many athletes who have achieved some goal or milestone and then share their recipe for success.  I've seen your struggles and read your ups and downs, and when you overcame the bumps in the road you inspired me to keep going, too.
• Dedication:  So many people rest in comfort zones because they are comfortable.  Yet, those of you who push yourselves to the next level of physical and mental toughness do so by dedicating yourself to your plan.  I get it. 
• Happiness:  Not one single person who has accomplished a goal as documented on social media has done so in a state of sadness or despair.  The motion of defining a goal and crafting a lifestyle to accomplish that goal begets happiness.  I see what it looks like to be happy in your faces.
• Compassion:  So many people I follow choose to devote part of themselves to some greater cause: challenged athletes, disabled veterans, orphaned children and animals just to name a few.  Life is bigger than me and now, and you continue to show me what it means to give of yourself. 
• Love:  This is more than the flippant phrase we throw around to describe how much we like a shirt.  I've seen people demonstrating unconditional love for others and themselves.  We are all dealing with our own struggles in life and social media has broadened my understanding of what it looks like to love one another.
• Success:  This is one topic I've found to be so arbitrary because it's completely subjective.  But that subjectivity is its beauty.  Whether you set the bar here or there, reaching your goal and realizing the effects of that accomplishment are truly successes.

"Good people bring out the good in people."

Social media gets a bum rap, I believe.  While some people enjoy sharing the adventures they encounter others may scoff at their perceived insecurity and need for attention.  Yet social media, like many things in this world, are exactly what we make of it.  If we choose to see the ugly in it we should not be surprised when it appears.  However, when we choose to see it as an opportunity to connect with people we see as mentors and examples of good we will not be disappointed when we begin to grow as people...and learn new words.

Losing Your Focus

"We've spent so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

For some unknown reason we all tend to judge one another.  Perhaps it offers us some solace to believe others have imperfections or character flaws when we feel most vulnerable.

We all have some notion of what the world should be and how everyone we meet should fit into that idea.  It's a massive template we lay over our world, our version of life, and our version of the constant battle between right and wrong.  When someone doesn't fit our plan or ideals we pass judgment on them.

Do we ever stop to realize that everyone we meet is doing the exact same to us?  The people we come across every day, both face-to-face and in this electronic world, are laying their own templates before them in an effort to navigate life.

To put it in the most simple of term, we are all on a personal journey on this mighty blue marble.  But, a journey to where?  It's a journey that somehow seems unfathomably long at the beginning yet painfully quick at the end.  A journey of intense elation and near unbearable heartbreak.  A journey that seems sinuous at times and undeviating at others.  A journey of falling down and getting back up.  We are all on a journey to become better versions of ourselves and attain some level of fulfillment.

It's a personal journey that lasts an entire lifetime.

"Imagine a life where people realized every minute they spent judging one another was one less minute they had to find their own true purpose. It is here now and all it takes is for us to start." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So, why in the world do we shift our focus from our own game plan to one of judgement towards others?  Others have lived and failed, stood tall and slumped, perhaps already faced their greatest challenge or are facing it right this moment.  And here we sit with our own life passing us by, even for just a second, while we shake our proverbial head at them.

We all have the ability to create the most amazing story ever lived; one day at a time, one step at a time and one breath at a time.  No where in this opportunity or along this journey is it acceptable to keep someone down with your judgement.  So I implore you, the next time you find yourself having negative, judgmental thoughts about someone remember every one's journey hits highs and lows, and realign your focus on creating a beautiful story.

"To love a man enough to help him, you have to forfeit the warm, self-righteous glow that comes from judging." ~ Ron Hall 

     

Stop Trying to Find Your Happiness

At times over the last several years I've felt that I've been on a journey to find happiness.  Almost as if it's some elusive place I had only heard about but failed to find.  I've been extremely happy and proud in my life, don't get me wrong, but that feeling of absolute happiness in my life seemed to escape me.

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." ~ Henry David Thoreau

The search for happiness is filled with dead-ends and wrong road signs.  It's a maze of mediocrity.  I'd hoped I would round the corner again and again and there it would be...happiness.  I search ahead of my path and outside myself for something magical.  Everything I need to be happy is, in fact, right beneath my feet and in my heart.  I began to transition my thoughts from finding happiness to realizing what it is to be happy.  It's appreciation.

What I found was that a gap existed between those two mindsets.  On one hand, my search for happiness left me constantly feeling dissatisfied.  On the other hand, my realization that I needn't search anywhere produced instant satisfaction and appreciation.  The gap--the time it took to understand this--was a breeding ground for negative thoughts.

No matter what I did in my search I left the scene somewhat empty.  No "action" ever produced the happiness I thought I needed.  Happiness is not a action; it's a feeling.  Nothing could have possibly been around the next corner that would have caused me to end my search.  Nothing was good enough to satisfy what I believed I desired.  Repeated frustration and dissatisfaction were the air and water to make my negativity grow.

Conversely, happiness is the feeling of literally standing still and appreciating all that your senses are bringing in right now.  Nothing outside of your mind or heart will produce that feeling, so the realization comes when you understand the tools you need to refocus on positivity and the elements you need to make it grow already exist at this exact moment.

The gap between the two mindsets need not exist.  The ground where you once farmed negative thoughts can instantly become a garden of appreciation.  And, when the positive thoughts have taken over the mind begins to unleash a bounty of joy and happiness.

Stop trying to find your happiness in some other place and starting realizing only you hold the key to unlock the vault of happiness already inside you.

What Do You See?

I just finished watching this video from a diversity coach named Jane Elliot.  Around ten minutes into the video she brought a tall black man, named Russell, to the front of the class and asked him whether his height, gender and skin color were important.  He replied yes to all three.  She then told the class, in summary, that in our attempt to not focus on any particular aspect of Russell we diminish what he finds important in identifying himself.

That got me thinking about the reality of what we see.  What characteristics of your true self do you display to the world?  Suffice it to say we advertise what we want the world to see and play down what we don't.  I previously posted a blog on expectations in which I ended with this quote:

"When you look at someone you see what you expect to see: good or bad.  Therefore, always look for the vein of goodness because it's there.  Expect it and it appears." ~ Jason Huntsinger

How many times do we pass someone on the street or in a store, or simply listen to what other's say and form a quick opinion?  I'm afraid we judge people by what we see or hear in that instant, rather than evaluate the content of their being.  I'm guilty of it.  I'm not saying we form a hatred or bias necessarily, but with the number of people we could interact with in a single day and obviously choose not to, it seems rather impossible not to make a quick judgment and ignore someone.

My point here is we should never forget that people are far more than just what we see...as are we.  We should focus on the differences between us because that is where the real beauty of life is.  We all have a journey to take and possess inherent value.  People's lives are stories being continually written.  You would never grab a book and discard it simply because of its cover or open to the middle, read a single paragraph and form an opinion of the entire book.  So why do we do that to people?

I am a work in progress.  I am one of life's great tragedies at the same time I am one of life's great accomplishments.

"I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see." ~ Douglas Pagels

Life is a painful and exhilarating odyssey that we may at times believe incapable to perfect and at others impossible to improve.  People fall.  Falling is the easy part.  But people also possess a natural motivation to get back to their feet and try again, see the sun rise and welcome a new day, feel or show true love and make someone smile.

If you see someone in his or her moment of personal hardship please don't write them off.  Rather, understand that the depth of a person is far beneath their clothes or skin, and expect to see something magical inside them.  Relish in the friendships of individuals on their own journeys rather than the homogeneous anonymity of masses.  Surround yourself with people who see you for all that you are, and celebrate your similarities and differences.  Simply be you while allowing others to be them, and together let's be us.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." ~ Oscar Wilde

Making Amends

"It's not a person's mistakes which define them - it's the way they make amends." ~ Freya North

Do you remember as a child throwing a ball indoors or hitting a rock with a bat and the moment it began its trajectory who just knew it was bad?  But you watched it travel directly into the vase on the mantel or through the neighbors window horrified at what you had just done.  There was no taking it back once it began its journey.

The same is true of our choices as adults.  We get angry at work and say something hurtful.  We feel the pressure of work and take it home to bark at our families or loved ones.  We succumb to the stress and angst from any given element in our lives.  Think about all of the pressures we face day-to-day, or all of the choices we meet through the day.

They are all either opportunities to take a step towards success, or in some cases, launch yourself in the wrong direction.  At some point you may cross the line and there is no going back.  Whether you say something terribly inappropriate or hurtful, or make a choice that will destroy what you've built, you've damaged a relationship or your reputation.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou

There is no doubt people will take offense to a misstep or mistake and there is just one thing to do to fix the situation: make amends.  This is much harder to do in some cases but necessary nonetheless.  Part of the resolution may simply be to slowly and consistently rebuild the connection and character you once had.  It will never be the same and that's just the way it goes.  But try anyway!

There are a few steps I've learned in order to make amends:

1. Acknowledge: The first is to acknowledge the incident.  Sweeping it under the rug and moving on is not a viable option.  Acknowledge your behavior with complete contrition and without excuse.  A powerful phrase, when heartfelt, is "I'm sorry."
2. Identify:  Whether your actions were directly or indirectly harmful to someone you need to identify your motivation behind the action.  Did you snap on a co-worker because you really harbor some ill feelings you've managed to keep jarred up for two years?  Do you struggle with some self-destructive habits that cloud your judgment and decision-making?  Whatever it is identify it and craft a process to fix it.
3. Be accountable:  This is different than acknowledging your action.  This is about letting someone know what you found in step 2.  Does your drinking cause this behavior?  Does your inability or unwillingness to communicate effectively at work create a festering of emotion?  Talk to a mentor or confidante and hold yourself accountable for fixing this.
4. Initiate:  This is the slowest part of the process and you simply must be patient.  Everything can be demolished in a fraction of the time it takes to build it.  In most cases this is a matter of trust and trust must always be earned with repetition and consistency.  Be true to your plan.

Here is a one more vital part of this process: you must identify who was actually harmed in this process and focus your attention on them.  Even if your mistake was self-destructive there is some collateral consequence.  Always.  Someone trusted you or counted on you and that relationship is now damaged.  You may also notice someone was offended or upset but not actually affected by your infelicity.  And in some cases this person may become your loudest critic.  Do not waste your time trying to please them.  It's just as important to make amends to the right person as it is to move on and free yourself from the critics.

"Living life in the straight and narrow is often easier said than done.  As such, making amends and rebuilding your character are necessary traits to master in this life.  Focus on the people who matter: the ones capable of seeing your entire journey rather than just how far off the line your foot slipped." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Life is Lived in the Details

I've recently found myself lost in the thought of the macro and micro views of life.  The macro view is how we typically measure our lives: in days, weeks, months, years, decades and even a lifetime.  The macro point of view is where life is spent.  We use this reference to more easily categorize events.

The micro view, on the other hand, is what happens around us in those moments.  It's in these moments that I believe life is really lived, not just spent.  It's in the details.  Life is lived in the details.

"Don't count the things you do; do the things that count." ~ Zig Ziglar

When you meet someone who lives with a micro point of view, paying attention the micro moments, it's obvious because it manifests itself in their enthusiasm for what others see as the ordinary.  They tend to laugh louder, smile bigger, hug harder and love more passionately.  They live their lives with a unique appreciation.  I've come to admire this perspective and I find myself striving to live this way.  I want to pause for moments throughout the day and just absorb it all.  The sound of my daughter's voice, the way my son smiles, the touch of my girlfriend's hand on my arm.  Every sense is a portal to micro moments of life if we just take a moment to pay attention.

"If there's one thing I learned, it's that nobody is here forever. You have to live for the moment, each and every day...the here, the now." ~ Simone Elkeles

The point here is that I believe we forget about the micro.  We get caught up in life and begin to take it all for granted.  All the beautiful stimuli of the world pass by us and we don't stop to notice.  As a result we look back with a macro perspective and recall blocks of time, rather than specific moments.  Think about the times you've recalled specific moments: Do you remember how your mom laughed so hard that time she couldn't stop? That is a micro moment.

Now imagine if you took the time to celebrate those micro moments every day.  What if you stopped while walking to work one day and noticed the formation of birds flying overhead in nomadic purposeful unison?  What if you closed your eyes at the park one day and caught the sound of that family laughing hysterically?  How amazing would your days become?

"She worked her toes into the sand, feeling the tiny delicious pain of the friction of tiny chips of silicon against the tender flesh between her toes. That's life. It hurts, it's dirty, and it feels very, very good." ~ Orson Scott Card

The really amazing part about this concept is that it is never too late to begin.  If you possess any of your five senses then you're capable of living in the micro.  Why would you delay any longer?  Life is lived in the details...all you have to do is pay attention.

Getting What You Want

I'm always inspired by this concept: You can do anything if you put your mind to it.  While I understand the motivational intent of the concept, I also believe at some point, if things just don't line up properly, we should move on.  It's not quitting; it's just not beating our heads against the wall anymore.

In this world we are not alone.  Like it or not, other people and their experiences must be factored into our decisions, and they must also be considered when deciding what goals to pursue.  From our baseline energy or enthusiasm in pursing something we want, some other invested party -- a stakeholder -- can either imbue our energy or dilute it.  I agree, wholeheartedly, that our attitude should not be altered by the external forces of the world, but the reality is that our pursuits are.

Having said that, here is the solution.

"When you can't change the direction of the wind - adjust your sails." ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Suppose you seek promotion in the company you currently work for and you are actively pursuing, and accomplishing, the prerequisite job requirements.  For example, you complete your bachelor degree, acquire your PMP certification, gain experience by leading a project team and follow the company policies to the letter in order to receive outstanding performance evaluations.  First of all, great job!  You should be proud.  But say the company doesn't give you the promotion.  You've tried a few times but to no avail.  What's the answer...quit trying and fall into whatever role they want you to be in?  No.

The same is true in interpersonal relationships.  You might do everything you can imagine to form a bond with someone to share the lifetime of love we all desire.  That special someone who knows everything about you -- all your flaws, failures, disappointments, loves and quirks -- and still sees you with complete acceptance, but you just can't "promote" to the next level.  What's the answer...quit trying and remain in a relationship that is less than incredible?  No.

The answer is -- if this is something you truly desire -- adjust your sails to reach it.  This will require change, but change can be good.  Don't focus on what you're losing, that only creates excuses to remain.  Instead, focus on new opportunities to meet your goals.  Find a new job in which you can promote.  Say goodbye to the limiting forces in your life.  Find someone new who can invest as much into you as you do to them.  It's scary and it hurts, but you deserve it.  Acceptance is an essential feeling to experience.  It leads to appreciation which, as mentioned above, imbues the energy and enthusiasm inside us all.

Be brave and get what you want.  You are worth it.

Fear and Courage

Fear is the first enemy of love.

What's the first thought that crossed your mind when you initially read that?  Mine was, "I'm not afraid to love."  Ok, that's a valid thought because I am afraid to put my heart out there for fear it will be broken.  But, my response narrowly focuses on how I project my love onto someone else.  As I've read and re-read this quote I find a deeper meaning.

The word love is thrown around these days haphazardly.  Webster's Dictionary defines love, in part, as: "the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration."  Love is much more than a feeling for someone, it is a feeling for something, too.  What is your love?  Do you harbor some fear in reaching it?  Perhaps fear is a barrier to making our dreams a reality.  The key is to overcome our fear in order to create the life we dream about.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Henry D. Thoreau

What is your dream?  Starting your own business?  Moving to another state or country?  Going back to school?  Changing jobs?  Becoming a professional athlete?  Whatever it is, what's holding you back?  Fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of the work.  I've faced them all, and I still do.  There is but one trait necessary to turn our dreams into reality -- courage.  The antithesis of fear is courage.  Courage is simply the mental mindset to overcome fear.

Courage is the mindset in the middle of a process.  This process begins with desire.  We must have a desire to follow our dreams.  Only when our desire to make our dreams a reality becomes greater than our fear can we begin to develop the courage to overcome the fear.  As our courage becomes more deeply ingrained in our character, fueled by smart choices and an optimistic demeanor, we develop the confidence to make the decisions necessary to change our lives.  It doesn't matter what stage you're at in life because we all have this fear to some degree.  We all yearn for a love of something.

So, fear is the first enemy of love.  Our love.  Our passion.  Fear is a lock on the gate in the nexus between dreams and reality.  Between here and happiness.  Courage is the key to that lock.  Living life and creating happiness takes courage.  Stand tall amid your critics.  Walk with pride away from the mine field of past decisions.  Hold your head high so you can keep your dreams in sight.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  The past is over and the choices you've previously made are inconsequential to your ability to follow your dreams...as long as your desire exceeds your fear.

Fear may be the first enemy of love, but courage is the first ingredient of happiness.