Losing Our First Hero

"Hero: a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities."

I've been fortunate enough lately to have some wonderfully deep conversations about failure.  As I write that sentence it sounds paradoxical.  The concepts of wonderful and failure rarely wind up connected in thought, but it's true.  They've been wonderfully deep because they have provoked introspection and self-analysis.  Specifically, they've inspired me to investigate and validate the contrasting claim I make whenever I recollect my failures: But, that's not who I am.  

It can be difficult to recall our failures.  Sometimes it can be deeply painful, other times it can be brutally shameful.  In my life the pain I feel when recalling my failures feels as though I single-handedly destroyed the lens through which the world sees me.  It's rather inevitable to feel this way when our private story becomes our public image.

Now perhaps you subscribe to the thought that our public image is far less concerning than how we feel about ourselves.  I agree.  The way that we feel about ourselves is indeed the most important opinion of all but I argue it's largely affected by both our private story and our public image.  In many ways, as we grow up we begin to see our potential and we see ourselves as our own first emerging hero.  But the possibility exists that suffering failure in life can feel like losing our first hero.  It can feel like the mirror's reflection is now the contradiction of who we believe ourselves to be.  The self-reflective statement, "But, that's not who I am," either introduces our efforts at being vulnerable or becomes a post-oration renunciation.  It becomes an exception to who we are in their world.  

"Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed." ~ Peter S. Beagle

Our lives are journeys of building and growth which lead to achievement and success.  But does achievement alone really qualify someone to be a hero?  Doesn't the path upon which we travel matter? At some point the effort to grow must battle and triumph the obstacles of growth.  Life is, at times, a test of fortitude, whereby the path of least resistance is not the precursor to life's greatest achievements.  Heroes are made in the moments that require the greatest summons.

I get caught up in the notion that I am what I've done.  The flaw in that mentality is that since life is a changeable journey there is absolutely zero validity in benchmarking our worth from a single moment.  To be a hero, even our own hero, the totality of our efforts should be evaluated.  Moments become hours, which become days and then months and years.  Each one of those moments is an opportunity to make a different choice.  Whether our failures come from miscalculation or malfeasance, the very next moment is a call to change.  Heroism is not just some great and commendable action in the face of danger benefiting someone else; it can also be picking ourselves up by our own bootstraps in our greatest times of need.

My mind shift has come with dropping the idea that my failure was like losing my first hero, but rather gaining the perspective that this failure was the necessary opportunity to test the strength of my hero -- me.  I am my own hero in life.  The image I possess of myself in my mind is the figure to whom I strive to be more like.  He is the man, father and partner I strive to be.  He is the one I seek validation from and who I work to satisfy.

"If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes." ~ Mark Twain

   

This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Thoughts on Watching Others Succeed

"Non nobis solum nati summum." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

This phrase translates to "Not for ourselves alone are we born."  There is something about this phrase that just sticks with me and, oddly enough, makes me appreciate social media.  I think back to the first time I heard about Instagram and the criticism: Why do people care about the pictures you post?

I care...sometimes.  I care when I see your struggle, your discipline, your dedication and achievement.  As a result I subscribe to people who's journeys I care to see, the people within whom I see these traits.  I care because we are all in this together, yet we are all on our own journeys.  I care because you and I seem to have common interests.  I care because I've been in the bleachers of an Ironman finish, closing in on the midnight deadline and I've seen the pain in your face as you push through to cross the line.  With an empathetic and encouraging heart, I care because I know the voices in our heads are sometimes so convincing that they can't be ignored.  And social media is a great platform for this documentary of life and achievement.

I have often thought about two ideologies that seem to contradict one another.  The thought that no one has the power to cause us pain by criticizing us unless we let them and the other thought that our own words have the power to build or destroy.  These are contradictory to me because it's a play on the locus on control.  We either have the internal fortitude to shrug off negativity or we believe we have the power to alter someone's entire world with our utterances.  Is it in us or not?  Is it in them or not?  Is the struggle internal or external?  Are we our own hero or do we succumb to the antagonists of the world?  Maybe what's really most important is not whether others have some impact on our journey, but that to achieve a purposeful life we need to positively impact others.

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves." ~ Horace Mann 

My point of this thought is this: I believe there is no greater human experience than cheering for someone else to succeed.  I believe in great personal experiences, but to be human means to participate in humanity, and I believe we have an innate necessity to participate in the human achievement.  The voices spewing doubt in our heads, or outside our heads, are bullshit, and we all know that.  But the voices singing our praise are real, and we need to remember that.

I've been focusing my attention on the concept of vulnerability for a bit now.  The goal, any goal, of achievement is laying yourself on the line.  It's literally stepping forward to take on more.  It's a show of willingness to try and fail more than anything else.  As witnesses to this brave step forward we should have no other reaction that honest encouragement.

"I want to treat all of life like an Ironman finishing chute: on my feet, tears of joy in my eyes, fully engaged and cheering at the top of my lungs for those around me to succeed." ~ me

The Olympics are a fantastic demonstration of our willingness to support our fellow (wo)man.  But why should that support be any different than the support we give our training buddies, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or even perfect strangers?  I find incredible inspiration from the people I find and follow on Instagram.  Your journey is amazing and you are amazing.  Remember that.

The next time you scroll across someone's Instagram feed and see a photo of their alarm set for 4:00am with some sort of motivational message, or see a photo of their three hour trainer ride, or read some comment about how cold the pool is at 5:00am, remember they have faced the same doubts and challenges you do.  The difference is that they chose not to listen to the doubt, nor the critics.  They chose to put themselves on the line and share their journey.  That locus of control lives within them.  This is their journey so our only hope is that they hear our cheers just enough to push a little harder, hang on a little longer and reach a little farther.

Learning New Words

Social media is really a fascinating creature.  In one respect I've felt incredibly connected to people I have never met face-to-face yet with whom I share common interests, and in another I have never been more appalled at the sickening disrespect some people show from behind the keyboard.  That's life though, really.  Some people share triumphs and others share pain.  Some share positivity and others share dribble.  I choose to seek out and follow positivity and inspiration on social media...and in life.  I've found that life and even social media are teaching me things.  I'm learning new words.

"The words we say to ourselves can serve as elixir or venom, and only we can decide which.  Can you imagine a greater gift or a greater responsibility?" ~ Jason Huntsinger

I have always considered myself to be a positive and productive person.  I've accomplished some great things in my life and remained hopeful.  But my frame of reference has, in hindsight, been fairly narrow.  I've never travelled the world.  I've only been out of the United States twice barely outside the borders to the north and south.  Social media has broadened my perspective and the authors of the information and thoughts I follow inspire me.  I've seen photos of the most amazing places from points of view that were previously unimaginable.  I've read stories from fellow athletes about epic
adventures and races.  I've followed individuals through weight loss and watched them accomplish goals.  It's so utterly amazing and inspiring.

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled." ~ Plutarch 

I recall during my undergraduate studies reading a synopsis of Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat thinking how incredible it was to think school age kids in far-off lands had access to the same information highway that I did.  I was, again, narrowly focusing.  As if everyone in the world wanted to see what I could see and access the information that I could access.  I am now the one seeking to understand the beauty that so many of you live for and dream about.  What does it really feel like to stand on the face of a sheer cliff and look out at the sunrise?  How about swimming with turtles off the coast of Costa Rica?  What about envisioning a dream for yourself to win a race and then actually fulfilling that dream?  Simply amazing experiences that I can see through social media.  I'm learning new words through these experiences; Words I either failed to understand or failed to learn in all my 45 years on this earth.   These are some of the new words I've learned from you.

• Inspiration:  The many athletes who have achieved some goal or milestone and then share their recipe for success.  I've seen your struggles and read your ups and downs, and when you overcame the bumps in the road you inspired me to keep going, too.
• Dedication:  So many people rest in comfort zones because they are comfortable.  Yet, those of you who push yourselves to the next level of physical and mental toughness do so by dedicating yourself to your plan.  I get it. 
• Happiness:  Not one single person who has accomplished a goal as documented on social media has done so in a state of sadness or despair.  The motion of defining a goal and crafting a lifestyle to accomplish that goal begets happiness.  I see what it looks like to be happy in your faces.
• Compassion:  So many people I follow choose to devote part of themselves to some greater cause: challenged athletes, disabled veterans, orphaned children and animals just to name a few.  Life is bigger than me and now, and you continue to show me what it means to give of yourself. 
• Love:  This is more than the flippant phrase we throw around to describe how much we like a shirt.  I've seen people demonstrating unconditional love for others and themselves.  We are all dealing with our own struggles in life and social media has broadened my understanding of what it looks like to love one another.
• Success:  This is one topic I've found to be so arbitrary because it's completely subjective.  But that subjectivity is its beauty.  Whether you set the bar here or there, reaching your goal and realizing the effects of that accomplishment are truly successes.

"Good people bring out the good in people."

Social media gets a bum rap, I believe.  While some people enjoy sharing the adventures they encounter others may scoff at their perceived insecurity and need for attention.  Yet social media, like many things in this world, are exactly what we make of it.  If we choose to see the ugly in it we should not be surprised when it appears.  However, when we choose to see it as an opportunity to connect with people we see as mentors and examples of good we will not be disappointed when we begin to grow as people...and learn new words.

Crash and Burn

"My past is everything I failed to be." ~ Fernando Pessoa

As I see it there are two main categories of failure (my common and unrelenting theme).  Just to make sure we are starting from the same point, let's agree that failure is essentially understood as a lack of success (Merriam-Webster dictionary).  The most commonly considered failure is the good ol' crash and burn.  The type where you make that fatal mistake or misjudgment which leads to an undesired outcome.  The outcome we hadn't expected or anticipated when we set off on this journey.

Whenever I read books or articles, or even watch videos, about overcoming failure I'm left with one question: what kind of failure do you mean?  It almost seems as if the types of failure that Tony Robbins or Dale Carnegie build from involve a situation that, somewhat passively, just happened.  The journey to our perceived success is a series of actions that we take, right?  A series of foundation-building choices that we make.

Failure, in any sense of the word, is due to a miscalculation, misstep or poor choice that we made.  The choice that preceded our action.  If you don't see that then you're not looking back far enough to the root of the failure.  Even when we make decisions contrary to public norms in our personal lives, which can and do lead to failure, if you look back far enough you'll find that your failure began before that choice.  The failure manifested itself here, but you failed back there.

On our journey to succeed, which in some form of the word means to have more successes than failures in life, we form a plan making one choice after another and somewhere along the line we will inevitably fuck up.  Period. We all do. Some produce a more brilliant fireball than others--it's called a crash and burn for a reason--but the point is that we all make the wrong choice.  The set of circumstances before us at any given moment coupled with our mindset and the weight of the world around us shapes our perception of the options before us.  CEOs of major corporations and street level drug dealers all have reasons for their misjudgments that made some sense at the time, but in the end they will suffer a crash and then burn at a level relational to there status.

Whether your failure stems from a miscalculation or an egregious choice, once you've faced the backlash it is time to rebuild from this failure.  It really makes no difference how you failed but it makes all the difference in the world how you recover.  No matter what the failure, your obligation to the world is to continue to pursue your calling or destiny.  You need to find and deliver your value to this world for your own sake.  This is what will define you and your life, and ultimately show the world who you really are.

"You are what you do, not what you say you'll do." ~ C.G. Jung

But let's focus on one key point in the crash and burn type of failure...you took action!!  You overcame some fear that could have kept you in your comfort zone, but you chose to break out and take action.  So, for that, I say BRAVO!!  You see, the other type of failure is a failure to launch.  I believe a failure to launch creates a foundation for regret far more than even the most outrageously poor decisions.  When you take some action--igniting your soul onto a path of your dreams--you've made the most crucial choice possible: you acted.  Your sole (i.e. your soul), which was once resting comfortably on a solid and easily predictable surface, had left its comfort zone.

Any misstep from that point is an opportunity to gain constructive feedback on your choice.  Step, learn and build.  Step, learn and build.  Step, fall, learn and build.  Step, learn and build.  The only real failure here is if you fail to learn from the misstep.  Yet, in a failure to launch you truly deny yourself the opportunity to succeed.

"Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival." ~ Steve Maraboli

Some fear taking those first few steps because they fear the possibility of failure.  Perhaps the fear is learned from past failures, or perhaps it's just a misinformed perception of failure.  I assure you that every step you take towards your goal will contain in itself a seed of success.  There are so many parables about a forest fire here.  Sometimes it takes a crash and burn to release the seed from its protective shell so that it can finally take root.  As devastating as a forest fire is, often it's the purest way to regenerate new growth.  This would never be an option for you if you fail to launch.

"You're depriving your soul, and your sole, unless you take that first step towards your greatness." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

The Mindset of Regret

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

This is an interesting quote considering a 2014 study that reportedly shows mice exhibit regret as humans do.  Regret is a strong word to use and perhaps it's best to begin by defining my use of it here.  It is an emotion of sadness about a choice that has already been made.  It is different than mere disappointment; regret is repentance about a past decision.

Although the quote above suggests a missed opportunity, what I really want to discuss is how regret can become a paralyzing mindset.  Yes, paralyzing.  The recollection of a regretted decision can become the catalyst for self-doubt on a massive scale.  It's like finding a crack in the foundation of your life.  Even thought you've known it was there and you've built a magnificent life over it, the occasional observation of its presence casts a pall of gloom over everything.  This mindset is not necessarily a continual thought but when it arrives it is numbing.

The issue here--besides the obviousness of emotional paralysis--is that our lives are a journey of stepping stones we place.  When thoughts become a defeatist mindset of regret the path of the stones we lay goes askew.  If we fail to be cognizant of this effect then our mindset of regret becomes a limit we place upon ourselves, no matter how well we recover or build over it.  One single choice can have seemingly continuing collateral consequences both for you and those whose lives intersect with yours.  But, that is somewhat true and false of every decision whether regrettable or agreeable.  Our lives are fluid, rapidly evolving, and cannot follow a set path, nor can those lives around us.  So, the issue really becomes finding a way to avoid lamenting in our choices of the past and, ultimately, overcome this mindset.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future." ~ Steve Maraboli

I recently had a conversation with my future father-in-law about the work/family balance.  This is a man who has remained married to his high school sweetheart, raised two wonderful and successful children, provided well for his family and is now reaching retirement.  Yet, even in all his professional and familial success he finds moments of regret.  My point is that no one is immune to their mind creeping in.

I've come to understand there are two methods to prevent the mindset of regret.  First, is to understand the choice, once made, is immediately in the past.  As time continues to pass the collateral consequences become less and less linked to our choice because every element that we believe to be a collateral effect has the ability to remain fluid and correct itself.  No element is entirely parasitic and life is not completely linear thus an unanticipated trajectory needn't remain out of control.  The first method is to focus on the here-and-now, and what choices you can make now.

The second method is to consider the totality of it all.  All too often we take a single moment from life and try to define ourselves by it.  We tend to generalize our lives into one lifetime but the reality is we experience 10.5 million minutes in just the first twenty years of life and each is an opportunity to make a new choice.  Considering the totality of it all is finding a way to be kinder to ourselves and take pride in this life we live.  Every decision brought us to this moment and we can all find something special about it.

"Good or bad, right or wrong, the choices I make in my life are the brush strokes on the canvas of my lifetime.  I assure you--both critics and admirers--that the finished product of my life will be a work of art and will not disappoint." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

Bumpy Roads: Beautiful Places

Since moving back to Montana I've pined for the views and sensations of standing atop the peaks of the Bridger Mountains.  So one day we set out to hike Sacajawea Peak.  We turned off the main road and began winding our way up the mountain to the trailhead.  It turned from a dirt road to a terribly bumpy road.  I thought about turning around several times.

We continued, bumping and bouncing, along that "road" and found many suitable turnouts along the way.  Many suitable places to give up.  But we continued.  When we reached the trailhead it was surprisingly packed with cars.  I truly expected the lot to be empty and I was shocked to find the types of cars that made that trip up the long and bumpy road.

The trail was exceptional.  It moved through the trees into an open trail across the mountain to a beautiful saddle.  From that point we could see down onto both sides.  But we pressed on to the peak. The journey was well worth the effort; well worth the bumps and well worth the worry.

Isn't that how life goes, too?  We set out to reach a goal but the road gets bumpy so we begin to look for suitable turnouts along the way.  Justifiable points to quit and get off the bumpy road.  When that happens you must press on.  The bumpiest roads lead to the most beautiful places.

What makes successful people different is that their actions are more linear and in alignment with their goals.  "Life is little more than a series of overlapping stories about who we are, where we came from and how we survive." Success comes from linking these together so that your story is one of building and growth, even with a healthy dose of failure growth must occur.

Think back to when you set this goal.  To when your frame of mind convinced you to set out and accomplish this goal or make this journey.  It was likely a mindset of inspiration or motivation, when your soul thrived for the challenge.  It came from a time when your mind was linking a previous accomplishment to your goal.  Don't quit...stay the course.

However, if for some reason you fail to reach that goal this time, if the road is just too bumpy, consider it a lesson.  Back up to the point where you conceived this plan and factor in the new information. All is not lost, it is simply an incremental gain.  The road ahead dares you to try while the road behind bows to your perseverance.  These are your goals and accomplishments, and it is up to you to link the two.

Bumpy roads lead to beautiful places.

Follow the Bread Crumbs

I've been working on a book for the last four years, although in reality it's been 43 years in the making.  It's about attitude and failure but more specifically how the former affects the latter.  The title is: Falling is the Easy Part.  It is, in part, about failure but more importantly the realization that you'll face your own "now what do I do?" moment.  Life goes on but you need to make a choice first: succumb to the setback or discover the lesson.  The question is, how do you find a positive attitude after falling?  Follow the bread crumbs.

"In life, people trip.  Most people fall.  Some people turn that into a beautiful, beautiful dance." ~ John Mayer

For some reason many of us think of failure as a catastrophic event.  Almost as if it's an irrecoverable slippage from our track through life.  It's not.  We fail in some way nearly every single day.  Granted, there is a significant difference between failing to wake up at sunrise to exercise and failing as an employee by stealing--where deeper underlying character issues need to be resolved--but the point is we easily dismiss many trivial failures quickly.

The real issue here is not whether or not we fail; the issue is a two-step evaluation of the aftermath:

1. How well do we either harbor or jettison the feelings of failure?
2. How much did we value the opportunity?

We often hold on to the feelings of failure because we sulk in the thoughts that we won't realize the benefits of the opportunity had we succeeded.  The aftereffect I brood most about is how my failure might affect my kids' future.  Nothing has happened to justify these thoughts but I somehow continue to battle myself over thoughts of hypotheticals.

Let's take job loss for example.  You've been fired or laid off for some reason, so you reached the point of failure when you became incapable of meeting some expectation you set for yourself.  That expectation was born when you faced an opportunity and imagined the outcome and benefits.  With that you took a step in a new direction and here we are.

Falling down in life is the easy part.  It's the choice thereafter that becomes difficult: succumb to the setback or discover the lesson.  Succumbing to the setback is akin to hiding from life.  It's giving up.  It's using a single event to define an entire lifetime.  It's adopting a belief that everything leading up to that failure was a failure as well.  Such a fallacy!  There you stood weighing the benefits of the opportunity you chose to pursue., and all your actions and decisions up to that exact moment led you to that possibility.  How can you call that a failure?

The truly amazing part is that, believe it or not, you had already failed in some way prior.  Even in the most mundane sense you got on with things after failure and you succeeded again.  Don't you see that you really can overcome setbacks?  The crippling feeling you have now is just your mind fretting over the missed benefits of this opportunity.  That's what is causing you continued distress.  It's your mind focusing on what could have been.

The second option is to discover the lesson.  I can attest that sometimes it's unimaginable to believe something positive can come from failure.  Where do you begin to look for the positive?  In that case, look to the moment of failure and work backward.  Positive decisions and emotions led you to the brink of opportunity.  Now transition your thoughts away from what went wrong and focus on what went right.  Follow the bread crumbs back.  They are clues to help you find the happiness, positive characteristics, confidence and enthusiasm you had.  Only then will you be able to see the entirety of the situation and the path you took.  That is your lesson.

"Sadness is but a wall between two gardens." ~ Khalil Gibran

Recapturing the moment you stood on the brink of opportunity is the positive element I want to focus on.  Prior to your failure you discovered an opportunity and thought so highly of it that you decided to leave your comfort zone and reach for it.  Remember how it made you happy to imagine reaching this goal?  Happiness gave you the confidence to take that step.  Looking back at the job loss example, that job offer came after you stood tall in an interview and sold your abilities!  You convinced the hiring manager or owner that you brought some serious value to the game.  Look in the mirror now and tell me whether that's who you see today.  My bet is no.  Today you are sad, and that sadness is the wall between you and the next opportunity.  Follow the breadcrumbs back to the mindset of yesterday, take a deep breathe and live in that moment.

There's a reason we leave bread crumbs...to find our way back; back to some point in time when we felt the confidence to take another step.  In your time of failure, follow the bread crumbs.

Go All In

When I co-owned a specialty retail store I learned very quickly there was a plethora of merchandise options we could carry in the store.  It was a tough decision to narrow down the possibilities because one category of merchandise segued into the next and so on.  At some point I had to draw the line.  That was when I began thinking about the concept of going all in.  I used to say "if we're going to carry something then we're going to do it all the way: All in."

Later it became clear to me that this mantra was actually a pretty good reminder of how to create the mindset necessary to succeed.  Recently I've struggled with the feeling of being pulled in too many directions.  It's all in my head...I know.  But the point is that I'm not taking my own advice: Go all in.  I can't make decisions in my life if I'm not willing to do it all the way.

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans." ~ Peter F. Drucker

Going all in is committing to your decision.  Following through.  Giving it all you got.  Having confidence in your decisions and, ultimately, yourself.  This is accomplished by a positive attitude.  An attitude of optimism which leads to decisiveness.  You can't take that leap of faith unless you believe.  Pessimism breeds doubt and you begin attacking your decision with what-ifs.

Life, love, business and happiness all require you to go all in.  Consider all of your options--of course--but when you make your decision give it your all.  Eight working hours per day become far less if your mind is playing games and considering your doubts.  Your productivity suffers and your creativity is diverted to finding an escape.  There are no doubts in success; there are only lessons learned.  But still again, to really learn the lesson you need to fully commit yourself to the decision.

"Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it's a relationship, a business or a hobby." ~ Neil Strauss

Making the decision to draw the line in my store was good.  Rather than scratch the surface of too many possibilities I was able to create depth in a qualified few.  I had a reason for everything on the shelf.  Do you have a reason for everything in your life?  If so, don't sell yourself short and simply go all in!

The List

I like to make lists.  Somewhat.  I don't enjoy actually writing the list out on a piece of paper or the nearest junk mail envelope.  Rather, I make mental lists of things I'd like to accomplish today, tomorrow, next week, next month, etc.  To me making a list is the manner in which I scroll through my thoughts to prioritize what really matters to me.  

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." ~ Soren Kierkeaard

Then I got to thinking.  I've made mistakes in my past (as we all have to some degree) and it can be easy in times of idleness or difficulty to think back and pine for the greatness I once had.  Make no mistake, I have a very carefully crafted list in my head at this exact moment and I know what I want for my future, but I just can't help to think I drifted off track.  My long term list includes activities that will allow me to continue to grow as a person, be happy and successful again.

But why do I need a list to get there?  Making a list requires, in part, a retrospective assessment and consideration of the options ahead.  It's a filtering mechanism derived from our experiences, hopes and desires.  Think about this for a moment: make a very short list of things you'd like to try or places you'd like to visit.  For example, when you created this list about places you'd like to visit you likely began thinking of places you've either previously visited or read/heard about.  Even if you sat in front of a globe, spun it on its axis and stopped it with your finger in a random spot, your mind immediately scrolled through memories to recall what you knew of Istanbul. 

"What's past is prologue." ~ William Shakespeare

No matter where you are in your journey through life create that list for yourself: the list of what you want or desire in the days ahead.  This has nothing to do with being unhappy or ungrateful with your current position; you can be completely happy and still want more for yourself.  It's about understanding that taking the time to create your list is essentially appreciating your past and realizing that every single moment has had a purpose.  Were it not for the past you would have no clue what you want.  Understand that every rise and fall, laugh and cry, moment of exhilaration and trepidation have become the recipe for you to create this list, and only then can you truly be grateful for the past and the present.

"There are two beautiful aspects of getting older: we have more days behind us to better understand what we truly want and a greater appreciation for the days ahead to make it happen." ~ Jason Huntsinger

 

Expectations

Many years ago when I began my first career, I was told by a senior co-worker one of the most important things I can do is become a "good hand."  He explained that to be the type of person others know they can count on without question and someone who contributes to the shared goal.  In other words, a reliable team player.  I worked hard to become just that, to contribute my share of the team's effort and in doing so I began to create expectations for myself and others.

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." ~ Alexander Pope

First of all, I don't buy into the concept of this quote.  I think it is a wonderful reminder to check yourself and perhaps discover the root of some frustrations, but ultimately I don't think it's really practical to jettison all expectations.  An expectation is merely a belief that someone will do something or something will happen: good or bad.  The detriment of having expectations is the risk of disappointment, but the benefit is the mindset of belief.  Belief is the active ingredient in confidence (seriously, check the label).

I believe setting goals is really a series of well-planned expectations.  Take my passion for triathlon for example.  I have a dream (don't laugh) to become a professional triathlete.  A baseless and ill-planned expectation is that since I'm tall I will likely be a naturally fast swimmer, cyclist and runner.  However, if I begin to design a path to excellence setting attainable goals based on training expectations I could very well find myself on the podium one day which I expect would help me reach my pro status.

That seems pretty straightforward when dealing with ourselves.  We can all handle setting and maybe not reaching our own expectations.  But what about when we set expectations for others?  That, too, is a necessary element of any team or a partnership.  Each person has a role in the partnership and in the effort, and without it there would be no partnership.

So how do we join forces with the people who we expect to uphold their part of the effort?  You see, expectations are not a bad thing.  When you hire a manager you expect him or her to comply with the company's standards and work to meet the company's objectives.  Before you hire that manager you interview him or her.  Before that you screen the applicants.  Before that you define the expectations. The same is true in any partnership: work, sports or love.  In sports you expect the teammate to cover the responsibilities of the position.  The goalkeeper must keep the ball from entering the goal so the position is assigned based on the most capable team member.  In love it's the same thing.  You have a vision of what you'd like your life to be and as potential partners present themselves you assess his or her capabilities to fill the complementary role: that of partner.  But you must realize he or she is doing the exact same thing.

"There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations." ~ Jodi Picoult

That's an interesting quote above.  I've always subscribed to the idea that you shouldn't try to change someone to meet your expectations.  That route is wrought with an unnecessary weight.  Rather, you have a choice and you mustn't be afraid to make it.  You can change your partner or change your expectations.  One requires you to perhaps reassess and abandon or alter your vision or goals.  That's a tough call so don't take it lightly.

Two things come to mind when considering expectations: don't allow your optimism to die and always work on becoming a good hand.  What I mean here is don't ever allow your expectations to take on the tone of pessimism.  Don't allow your expectations for someone, or yourself, to become an expectation of failure.  Remember an expectation is the basis of belief you used to create a series of benchmarks you've planned to meet your goal.  Pessimistic expectations are the complete opposite and really just a permissive mindset to fail.  They lack the main ingredient: belief.  "I don't expect John to be able to complete this task to my standards."  Then why is John in that role?

Secondly, remember everyone on the team has his or her own set of expectations, too.  The beauty of a partnership or team is that it's comprised of the most capable members working in unison to meet their respective responsibilities.  Set the expectation by being the example you want to see.  Focus internally on whether you're being a good hand, rather than pointing out some one's error.  Your world is a mirror of your effort and interest: what you give you get back.

"When you look at someone you see what you expect to see: good or bad.  Therefore, always look for the vein of goodness because it's there.  Expect it and it appears." ~ Jason Huntsinger      

Risk

I recently read a short post by Seth Godin in which he asked, "How deep is the water?"  The point is if it's too deep to stand, does it really matter?  My short answer is yes.  My long answer is...

There is a learned trait in most of us: the ability to calculate risk.  Very small children don't necessarily have this internal safety net or at least they use a far less complicated calculator.  As a toddler, I lacked the ability to judge height while standing on the coffee table (that choice is perhaps for another discussion) and promptly took one step off into a perfect face plant.  We slowly begin to learn the consequence for failure.

So, on to my long answer to Mr. Godin's post, it does matter how deep the water is to a certain degree.  Think about the differences in these activities. Walk heel-to-toe across a balance beam that is six inches from the ground versus walking that same balance beam 600 feet from the ground.  Swim in the deep end of an eight-foot pool versus swimming in the middle of the ocean.  We calculate risk based on our perception of an escape plan and the perceived consequences.  Can I step off this beam if needed or can I get to the side of the pool?

There are certainly degrees of consideration between my extreme examples but at some point we draw the line for ourselves.  Walking a balance beam 600 feet above the ground is insane, unless of course you had a safety harness.  What about six feet off the ground?  Or 16 feet?  Swimming in the ocean conjures up all kinds of fears for me but what about a pool that is 20 feet deep or even a lake that is far too deep for me to descend and touch bottom?  We all have that line.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." ~ Neale Donald Walsch

That is the point to this all.  Calculating risk is a learned behavior but it most certainly matters how deep the water is...based on your ability to calculate the risk and find an exit strategy.  It is possible to accomplish feats we never imagined possible but it requires an ability as well as a desire to let go a bit.

The most effective way to accomplish this is to identify the goal or task you wish to tackle and then work your way back to determine what is necessary to get there.  Reversing this process--that is taking your current state and trying to determine what steps to take to get to your goal--often leaves us feeling overwhelmed and unsure of our ability.  It's alright to be scared but challenge that fear and learn to calculate a new risk.

"If visualizing your goal doesn't evoke an excited panic, it's likely not the right goal." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Life is Lived in the Details

I've recently found myself lost in the thought of the macro and micro views of life.  The macro view is how we typically measure our lives: in days, weeks, months, years, decades and even a lifetime.  The macro point of view is where life is spent.  We use this reference to more easily categorize events.

The micro view, on the other hand, is what happens around us in those moments.  It's in these moments that I believe life is really lived, not just spent.  It's in the details.  Life is lived in the details.

"Don't count the things you do; do the things that count." ~ Zig Ziglar

When you meet someone who lives with a micro point of view, paying attention the micro moments, it's obvious because it manifests itself in their enthusiasm for what others see as the ordinary.  They tend to laugh louder, smile bigger, hug harder and love more passionately.  They live their lives with a unique appreciation.  I've come to admire this perspective and I find myself striving to live this way.  I want to pause for moments throughout the day and just absorb it all.  The sound of my daughter's voice, the way my son smiles, the touch of my girlfriend's hand on my arm.  Every sense is a portal to micro moments of life if we just take a moment to pay attention.

"If there's one thing I learned, it's that nobody is here forever. You have to live for the moment, each and every day...the here, the now." ~ Simone Elkeles

The point here is that I believe we forget about the micro.  We get caught up in life and begin to take it all for granted.  All the beautiful stimuli of the world pass by us and we don't stop to notice.  As a result we look back with a macro perspective and recall blocks of time, rather than specific moments.  Think about the times you've recalled specific moments: Do you remember how your mom laughed so hard that time she couldn't stop? That is a micro moment.

Now imagine if you took the time to celebrate those micro moments every day.  What if you stopped while walking to work one day and noticed the formation of birds flying overhead in nomadic purposeful unison?  What if you closed your eyes at the park one day and caught the sound of that family laughing hysterically?  How amazing would your days become?

"She worked her toes into the sand, feeling the tiny delicious pain of the friction of tiny chips of silicon against the tender flesh between her toes. That's life. It hurts, it's dirty, and it feels very, very good." ~ Orson Scott Card

The really amazing part about this concept is that it is never too late to begin.  If you possess any of your five senses then you're capable of living in the micro.  Why would you delay any longer?  Life is lived in the details...all you have to do is pay attention.

Using the F-word as a Stepping Stone

Whether on a macro- or micro-scale, we all fall short in our attempts to reach our goals or reach greatness, whatever that may be.  In those attempts, and re-attempts, it sometimes just seems too hard, or it doesn't make sense, or it makes you want to quit.  It's precisely at those moments that we must not stop.  Failure, the F-word, is a stepping stone.

"One of the greatest tragedies of personal growth is quitting.  If you take stock now you may find the odds stacked against you, but tomorrow is a new day.  Remember, opportunity knocks just once and you are always just one chance away from greatness.  So, stay in the game and answer the damn door." ~ Jason Huntsinger

I've learned through my own failures there are three traits that will facilitate you in overcoming failure and rediscovering your greatness: reflection, persistence and resilience.  This combination is what makes it possible to move past failure.  But, it's a process.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon you will get back to that level of greatness you always imagined if you stick with it and use failure as a stepping stone.  Trust me...it will happen.

Reflection
This is the first trait because we must have the ability to learn from the failure.  This is the greatest learning opportunity you will ever have so look at it and dig around.  Find the cause and effect.  Map it out and really understand it so you see the route you took.  Don't waste time regretting, that is purely emotional, rather spend the time trying to understand.

"Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes." ~ John Dewey

Persistence
I love the idea of this word: an obstinate continuance in a course of action.  Failure can make us feel like someone has taken away our ability to succeed.  Who's permission do we need to be successful or happy?  Only our own.  Reflect on the twists and turns along the way that brought you here and then get back on track.  Carry on; you don't need permission!!

"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." ~ Winston Churchill

Resilience
In many ways I feel this is the most important trait.  You've got to bounce back.  It's this elasticity factor that enables you to get up, look back and shake it off.  Without resilience you would simply let the world crush you.  I'm not talking about simple mediocrity...I'm talking about physically collapsing under the weight of the world. But, that won't happen. We are all here for a purpose, so find yours and go after it with every ounce you can muster.  Stumble and regain your footing.  Fall and get up.  Get knocked down and fight back to your feet.  This is your life and you get one chance at it.  Greatness is not found in the past, it's before you waiting to be discovered.

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out.  The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.  Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough.  They're there to stop the other people." ~ Randy Pausch

Another Classic Battle

Looking back through history there have been several classic battles: David and Goliath, Hatfields and McCoys, good and evil.  Another has been waging in me for a while, too.  It's the battle of dreams and responsibilities.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I've reached a point in my life, in both age and satisfaction, in which I feel the need to hit the reset button and create the life I want.  But in the course of 42 years I've accumulated some responsibilities.  Responsibilities are the results of previous decisions.  I've struggled the last few years thinking about this battle, allowing each side to wage a war inside my head, catapulting reasons, justifications and excuses back and forth.  It's been exhausting.

As I mentioned previously in my evolution of change, this process involved much deliberation and rumination, and still I find myself questioning my decision.  I believe this stems from the feeling I'm shrugging off some of my responsibilities.  In every decision there are corollary ramifications and I'm not sure any decision can be made without there being some negative effects.  That's the whole point of a decision, right?  It's a choice between two or more options, each with their own gains and losses.  I know this seems obvious, but in my thought process I need to break it down.

"Don't you find it odd that when you're a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you're older, somehow they act offended if you even try." ~ Ethan Hawke

Decisions like this come down to placing some value on the future, although this seems to require the ability to be a fortune teller.  For me, one decision satisfies the moment but the future is potentially bleak, whereas the other decision has a clearly visible and beneficial future.  Nonetheless, responsibilities.  That word pounds in my head with each syllable like a bowling ball falling onto concrete.  Then I realized something: when I felt stuck and failed to look at the big picture I turned the idea of responsibilities into limitations.  Responsibilities are not barriers nor limitations nor consequences.  Responsibilities are the fruit of our past.  Viewing them as limitations is akin to regretting a moment from your past and there is no value in that.

"The only limit is the one you set yourself."

It has taken me some time to see the truth in this.  I believe where there is a will there is a way.  When I looked at the responsibilities in my life as reasons I could not pursue an opportunity I gave up.  They became limitations because I stopped searching for a resolution.  But, there is always a resolution to some degree.  Perhaps not the first one our mind paints for us, but there are always resolutions to a dilemma.

The first step in finding this resolution is to make peace with the responsibilities--again, the fruit of our past decisions.  Embrace them.  At one point in the past we engaged in a similar decision-making process and this seemed like the best option, so embrace it.  Now, let's stop looking at this as an all-or-nothing situation and open our minds to options and possibilities.

"Every time you discuss the future, grammatically you're forced to cleave that from the present and treat it as if it's something viscerally different." ~ Keith Chen

Our mind can be our greatest ally, or our greatest enemy.  This battle of dreams and responsibilities is all in my head and it's as big a war as I make it out to be.  Yes, the only limit is the one you set yourself.  And, likewise, the only resolution is the one you create yourself.

My Change Evolution

You'll have to forgive me if the topic of change is becoming redundant or a bore, but things are happening for me and I'm inclined to share and reflect. For the first time in my life I had the beginnings of a panic attack. The topic, in a nutshell, was change.  It is actually quite a bit more involved than that; nonetheless, change was the inspiration for my tachycardia and breathlessness.  I feel I've been on the brink of change for some time now but it suddenly got real.

"All the concepts about stepping out of your comfort zone mean nothing until you decide that your essential purpose, vision and goals are more important than your self-imposed limitations." ~ Robert White

In my case my goals are quite lofty yet I feel the platform for such success and prosperity is not present in my current environment. As a result, I'm taking a huge step, rather a leap, towards meeting my goals and it is entirely outside my comfort zone. I'm moving to another state, leaving family behind, leaving a business behind and leaving my business partner and best friend behind. Life is about to change.

Change is not a single act; it's a process that must be managed. The changes imminent in my life have evolved from ideas to decisions to action, and my investment in my goals has evolved as well.  Every time I think I'm facing the toughest phase in this process the next phase comes and I realize the deeper I get into this evolution the tougher it gets. Each phase takes time and serious deliberation.

The first phase, idea generation was a "weeding out" process in which I filtered through all the possibilities. From here I narrowed the list to plausible options and began the decision phase. Truth be told, I really struggled with this phase. Perhaps that was part of my sluggishness. It's the classic pros/cons debate with a mixing of what-if rumination. It's really a valuation of my goals in relation to my current state, which is not all bad. Once I got through this stage, made a decision and began to develop confidence in my decision, the final step--action--is proving to be the most impactful step of all; hence the term leap. It's this leap that takes me out of my comfort zone. Ruminating was actually safe because it happened within my mind.

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." ~ Andre Gide   

Looking back at panic's invasion of my body, I can pinpoint exactly what was going through my mind when it happened.  I was looking at the other side of my valuation list; the things I will go without. Often I would focus on the positive opportunities and negative consequences of a decision, but rarely do I look at the flip side, or what's positive in the present.  I've already moved past the decision phase and made peace with my decision but I doubted myself just long enough to allow my focus to shift to life inside my comfort zone. It's peaceful and predictable there. My vision of the future became clouded by everything good in the present and my fear manifested itself into a temporary re-valuation of my goals.

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." ~ William Shakespeare

The point to all of this is that change is an evolution of steps requiring progressively deeper mental commitment, courage and focus. As I write this post my anxiety has subsided (for now) and I am nine days from embarking on my journey.  Real change, the kind that changes your life, is not something to take lightly and as much as I can sit here and assert the need to take action, the truth of the matter is that it's unnerving. Had I not taken this process as an evolution of my options and thoughts I could not have developed nor had faith in my process. I would have crumbled long ago and spent the near future with my head hanging low from defeat unable to see my dreams.  Dreams exist in the clouds of possibility high above our heads, not in the soil trampled beneath our feet.

Today my resting heart rate was 48 beats per minute. I found my peace again.

  

Spinning the Plates

You know that guy in the circus who spins plates atop the skinny, pointed rods?  He sets out spinning just one, finds its balance point and spins it like crazy.  Then another and another.  But at several points he has to break this routine to return to the previously balanced plates; they are beginning to lose balance.  The process continues until several plates are spinning in unison.  It's really sort of crazy.

That's how I feel life is at times...when I let it.  I have competing forces at work in my mind.  One force has me sorting through the mounds and mounds of ideas I intend to see through, searching for the starting and balance points, while the other force is my life's time clock.  I am perishable and there are only so many of these ideas that I can see through to completion.  It is a constant battle, not of good versus evil, but of life versus death.  I want to treat life like a verb and experience everything I possibly can before my time expires.  It takes balance. 

"Balance is the homeostasis of the human spirit. On one side is the joy of actually living life, and the other is the fear you can't do enough in this short time." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So I run back and forth, spinning the plates trying to maintain their balance.  Here's the kicker in it all...I feel like that's all I'm really doing at times: standing in one place spinning plates.  I've written and posted about the value of action and it seems to be a recurring thought for me.  As each day passes I'm beginning to realize I need to reduce the number of plates I'm spinning so that I can spend less time running back and forth.

That really is the tough part because I find value in every idea that occupies my mind: writing my book, starting my magazine, exercising my body, building a loving relationship, turning my life to personal training, pursuing stable employment for benefits and retirement...they are all important in their own sense and work together to create this vision of my life from here forward.  If I focus on just one or two ideas, in an effort to minimize the clutter, I feel the ideas abandoned truly don't deserve that fate.  Nor do I.  

Balance can be the toughest, on-going life task to master.  Will any of us really master it?  Is our pursuit of this mastery just a pointless, upsetting practice we're placing on ourselves?  What if I don't get to do everything I ever wanted to do in this life?  Here is the fix: focus on what you can do in this life and put everything into it.  While it may not be quite as dramatic as a circus act analogy, it will be more productive in creating your own fulfilling lifestyle.  You see, by reducing our effort in any given task--by being too preoccupied in moving on to the next--we fail to really experience it.  Our focus is drawn away.  The "up" side of our spiritual homeostasis is cut short because we've closed off our receptors to living life in this moment. What we're left with is the counterbalancing "down" side wrought with worry that the day is passing, we're another year older and we've lost yet another opportunity to do it all.

Perhaps today I will let a couple of these plates slow to a stop then stack them nicely in the corner for the future.  Then I will go back and spin the holy hell out of the remaining plates!

Grow Like a Tree

This morning I came across a quote by Jim Rohn and instantly enjoyed a particular part.  He wrote:

"Every life form seems to strive to its maximum except human beings.  How tall will a tree grow?  As tall as it possibly can.  Human beings, on the other hand, have been given the dignity of choice.  You can choose to be all or you can choose to be less.  Why not stretch up to the full measure of the challenge and see what all you can do?" ~ Jim Rohn

The idea within the quote that I absolutely love is how tall a tree will grow: As tall as it can!  More specifically, I love how a tree grows.  I love how trees dig their roots into the earth to create a stable footing, and then reach for the sky.  As a tree grows so does its root system.  It is absolutely amazing to me to see a tree reach through the canopy to capture the sunlight.  Or, to see a tree that has altered its growth, moving around an object, to reach higher.

The object of our reach is relative, but the lessons learned from a tree show that we can move towards and still reach a goal, yet alter our path.  Have you ever really stopped to notice the strength and nobility in a single tree?  It's inspiring.  Hermann Hesse wrote this about trees:

"In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing: to fulfill themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves." ~ Hermann Hesse

I remember first coming across this writing.  I admire the imagery and simple idea here.  A tree embeds its roots into the earth to grow and reach and withstand the turmoil that exists above.  As the tree grows, reaching higher into the world, the base grows to provide more footing.  That base is either wide or deep, depending on the tree, and offers stability.  Stability and strength are two different things.  Yet we often live life like standing on the edge of the beach with our feet shallowly buried in the sand.  When the water recedes back into the ocean, washing away the sand around our feet, we clinch our toes in an effort to overcome the force.  Our base is inadequate.

Living life like a tree, we are able to work around obstacles on our way to reach the sunlight through

the canopy only after we establish our base and set our roots: integrity, confidence, humility, courage, self-worth.  These are just a few of the traits necessary and essential to grow like a tree.  The roots must grow along with our trunk.  Stability and strength.  Life can be tiring, frustrating and hurtful.  We can try and try, yet fail.  Once we begin to see this as part of setting our roots, it begins to make sense.  And, we can push even higher towards that sunlight as our base grows, too.

When you look at a tree what do you notice first?  Likely, you notice the height and strength and solidness.  The tree hides the signs of tough years and lean growth in its rings.  It builds another ring around these hardships to become stronger, the roots reach farther and the tree grows that much closer to its sunlight.

"Like a tree I have endured years of drought and harsh storms, each challenging me; yet here I stand, solitary and proud, looking up to the sky where the sunlight brings a new day.  Life is lived here, in the treetops." ~ Jason Huntsinger    

 

The Real Failure in Failing

I spent the morning reading Colin Wright's new book, Act Accordingly.  It was a nice morning.  There I sat in my favorite coffee shop (which, by the way, I find myself in more often than not) drinking coffee and reading this book.  The fact is that I spend a fair amount of time in that same coffee shop reading, writing, thinking and planning.  The common topic is my life, or more specifically rebuilding my life.

I tend to be drawn to writings about failure and using it as a learning tool.  I have failed in my life.  I've had the occasional "whoops" failures and mistakes, and I've had a "what the f--k were you thinking" failure.  The latter is the impetus for the hours spent in the coffee shop.

Chapter 4 of Colin's book -- Let's Fail Until We Don't --  addresses this.  As I read through the chapter I came across one line that struck me.  Colin wrote, "Of course, it's easier to theorize about challenges being useful than actually going out and finding, facing and overcoming them."  There I sit, hour upon hour, thinking and writing and planning.  There I sit.  It is much easier to think and plan than it is to do.  I can romanticize some great rebirth or reincarnation like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.  I can control that part.  Even as I write this, I realize that this is a spin-off of the Action post I wrote a few months back.

"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step."

I realize perhaps I tend over-analyze.  There are a million reasons it might not be the right time to act, and I think I try to find them all.  But really, if we fail somehow in our lives the only real failure exists if we fail to get back up.  That takes action.  As the quote above reminds us, just take that first step.  Rebuilding from failure is all about the transition.  It's a more involved process, of course, but the crux of the process is transitioning from thinking and planning to doing.

What barriers keep us from taking that step?  I could list several but they would all be external influences and, in reality, not barriers at all.  The only true barrier that prevents us from acting is ourselves.  We find excuses based on embarrassment or shame, fear of further failure, or even a lack of confidence.  The antidote attribute is resilience.  Resilience is the effort it takes to take that step.  It is the effort to hold our head up again and stand tall.  Resilience is the effort to keep chasing your dreams.  Resilience is that little voice in your head saying, "Don't give up no matter how hard you fell."

"It is important to stand up again post-failure.  Our dreams and goals are only visible on the horizon when we stand tall with our head high." ~ Jason Huntsinger

There is No End to the Spectrum

Recently, I was fortunate enough to meet with Elke Govertsen, publisher of Mamalode Magazine, to discuss PositivelyBusiness Magazine.  She is such a real and dynamic personality!  One of the things she said that has really resonated with me is that it's important to understand we are in this spectrum and just as we look to others as mentors, there is always someone looking up to us as a mentor.

This is really such a powerful concept that helps me to understand there is no end to the spectrum of business and success.  Some people climb this ladder of success carelessly crushing others below them yet never breaking sight of the top rung.  Yet others understand you never really climb a rung without someone providing a helping hand, and reciprocate that "hand up" to those following in their steps, too.  That's Elke.

"As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others." ~ Audrey Hepburn

Living your life, both personally and professionally, with this mindset is a wonderful way to remember the importance of the journey and not so much the destination.  I am a motivated individual, but I understand that no one makes this journey through life alone.  Every successful person has had help...every single one.  I've mentioned before that success is really a subjective term but think about it for just a moment.  Every great leader has had someone who mentored them at some stage in their progression to success.  It could be someone already in their respective field, a religious influence, a parent, a teacher, etc.

Conversely, even though you might not believe you've reached a level in life that meets your aspirations I guarantee there is someone behind you looking for guidance.  Someone who looks at your position and aspires to be there.  What better way to remain grounded in life?  What better way to help you appreciate this journey?  More importantly, what better way to truly be successful in this life than to build up those around you?

What I believe is that there is no "top" rung in this ladder of success.  It is an endless spectrum and we are merely a dot.  We look ahead to help find our way but must never forget to stop and look back to share what we've learned.  We are scouts for the next generation.

"Alexander the Great valued learning so highly that he used to say he was more indebted to Aristotle for giving him knowledge than to this father Philip for life." ~ Samuel Smiles

There is no end to the spectrum.  Mentoring those around us is essential to our own personal success.  Our time on this earth is limited but the impact of imparting knowledge and experience to our kids or our successors is timeless.