Failure is Subjective

There is significant power in putting the past behind you, and focusing on this moment.  The past is over and can never be changed, the future is unknown and the only thing we have is this moment.  As reminders, there are countless quotes, blogs, videos and books about the value of failure, and using failure as a learning tool.

"Those who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try nothing and succeed." ~ Lloyde Jones

I get that.  I understand that failure is a sign of action, and action trumps everything.  In fact, I find inspiration in the stories of the great and influential people who had once failed to some degree.  Take this video for example...

Here's what I see.  All of the examples in this video involve some one's judgment of another which led to a perceived "failure."  They didn't reach their goal.  Someone told them they were worthless.  Stupid.  Not good enough.  A failure.  At times we perceive a failure when someone or something gets in our way.  But, what about the other kind of failure?  The kind we bring on ourselves?  Is there a difference between a good failure and a bad one?  Failure is a subjective term, and completely relative to the person feeling this sensation.  What I've learned is a failure is only bad if you fail to learn from it.

There are certainly different levels of failure, don't get me wrong.  Some failures result in other people getting hurt.  Those around us who love us.  This is more of a breach of trust.  But true personal failure, it seems, is subjective.  We all have different ideas of what we consider failure to be.  Success means different things to different people, too.  Life is a continuous learning process, which may never be truly perfected.  And, in order to recover from a failure we must have a desire to learn from it and move on.  This requires us to take responsibility for the actions and choices leading to the failure, and resolving to never give up.  It's been reported that Thomas Edison experimented with more than 1,500 elements while improving the electric light bulb.  He never gave up.  Treat life as he did the light bulb.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time." ~ Thomas Edison   

When we categorize aspects of our lives as failures we apply a stigma to ourselves which drains our motivation.  In John C. Maxwell's book, Failing Forward, he addresses the misconception that if we fail then we must be a failure.  That is absurd!  Life is process, not a single moment, and a single act will not define our life's work.  Failure is but a moment in time that for some reason we attach so much weight and shame to.

In order to move beyond this self-imposed stigma, this one moment in time we repeatedly wear like a weighted vest, we've got to remain motivated.  Motivated to grow, learn and succeed.  Motivation is an internal driving force.  Don't you see that in order for us to overcome this stigma that we place on ourselves, we need to generate the motivation to overcome it.  It is completely within our control, and it places the power of redemption within us.  My motivation is my belief that I am better than any of my failures.  The source behind our motivation is a desire to do better.  Do you have that desire?  The desire to break free of the failure?

What if we just stopped calling all of the mistakes, poor choices and disappointments in our lives failures?  What if we called them lessons?  What if, rather than feeling shame for not succeeding, we critically examine the situation and our choices, readily claim responsibility and take the next step to use the situation as a stepping stone?  We could bypass the notion that we failed in the first place and simply view this as an opportunity to learn.  That is powerful.  

I'll finish here with a short video.  The animated movie Meet the Robinsons shares a wonderful message in response to failure--Keep Moving Forward!  There are so many moments in our lives that we could celebrate for the learning opportunity, rather than become paralyzed with shame.  Failure is subjective.  It's just a title we place on ourselves when we don't succeed.  But, the really amazing thing about subjectivity is that we can simply change our perception.

Taking the Leap

Lately I've been drawn to videos of wingsuit flying.  Aside from the obvious (seeing a human flying at 150 miles per hour down a mountain), something else seems to draw my attention so honestly.  It's the fact that I have a genuine interest in seeing people push themselves past their comfort zone to achieve a goal.  The following video got my attention...

What I find so incredible about this man, whose name is Espen Fadnes, are the motions and emotions he shares, both verbally and physically--excitement, fear, honesty and preparation.  The image of him standing on the edge of the cliff working through the routine of the flight he is about to take literally takes me to the edge of my seat.  What he says makes him real to me.  "People who've seen me about to  fly off a cliff say I look perfectly calm.  It's the complete opposite.  I'm terrified.  I've just developed techniques and methods to cope with the fear."

This man is about to jump off of a cliff and perform a feat he has probably done hundreds of times, and he is talking about using techniques to overcome fear.  At some point this feat was a goal for him.  How many of us have fears about reaching our goals?  I do.  I've read many books about business and success on my journey.  One common theme is to focus on achieving your goal.  That is one of those ideologies that can be easier said than done.

It is easy to sit at a table with a nice cup of coffee and plan out some sort of life plan for success.  "In a perfect world I will do this, and they will do that, and then I will do this."  The work comes when we try to put that plan into effect.  Other factors don't always cooperate.  But the solution is not to simply stop dreaming or planning.  Let's look at how Fadnes works a dream into a reality.  There are some lessons to be learned.

First he works up the plan.  He maps out the location and terrain, and then figures the most natural route.  Notice when he maps out the route it is the path of least resistance.  That is how our plans for success should be, too.  He doesn't try to gain elevation to overtake a ledge.  He doesn't try to smash through a mountain.  He maneuvers his body to work around it.  One turn after another.  A concert of choices leading to a path of least resistance.  He has conceived his route to success.

Next he gathers the proper equipment.  This may seem like an obvious step but how obvious is it in our own lives?  Once we have a plan how well do we gather the right equipment to accomplish this plan?  To facilitate our path of least resistance?  I will leave this open-ended intentionally because it is YOUR plan and you need to find the tools to navigate the route that's best worked for you.

As he prepares to step off the cliff he goes through the routine again.  This is a calculated approach to his success.  Look at his body language.  He is so fully focused on reaching his goal that he literally walks through the flight plan, moving his body in the motions he has planned out.  He is visualizing the route to success, every step.  The plan is set and he is committed to following it.  There are no last minute changes he's making on the edge of the cliff.  He believes mightily in his plan now so he rehearses it and lives it in his mind.  Can we see ourselves living the plan we've developed?  It's rather difficult to focus this intently on a plan we are only half committed to.  If we can't see ourselves reaching the goal we are not ready to be standing on the edge of the cliff.  Period.

And then, the jump.  Fadnes says himself that he is "terrified" but he musters the courage to step off.  This is a real man, like you and me, completely aware of the consequences of failure, but confident in the plan he has developed, the equipment he's gathered, and the movements he's calculated.  He hasn't overcome fear with suppositions.  He's overcome it with knowledge, planning, commitment and faith.  These characteristics will allow him to achieve his goal.  When we are at this point to leap off are we just as committed?  More importantly, are we as enthusiastic about our commitment?  He steps off hard!  Once we reach this point in our lives, we should be so fully committed to our cause that we leap with determination as well.  The goal is down there, through the path of least resistance, waiting for us now.

I know it can be terrifying to step off the cliff we see in front of us.  I feel it often.  I feel myself about to step off,  looking down at my ravine (failure) and hoping that the plan I've developed works out.  There are times I have to admit that I may not be ready.  My belief should far outweigh my doubt.  The "leap" is setting into motion a plan we've developed for our own success, however we define that word.  Starting a business.  Changing an attitude.  Changing jobs.  These are major life-changing events which, in order to become viable successes, require the steps above.

Today, practice this with some very minor goal.  Something small.  It takes practice to become comfortable.  But it is doable.  The choice is ours to reach our goals.  No one else's.  Go make your dream your reality.

"Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." ~ W. Clement Stone

Life Getting in the Way?

As you can see I have deviated from my norm.  I am no longer calling my posts Today's Fuel.  This is a big step for me but there is a purpose.  I am cataloging these posts and ideas in preparation of writing my book.  The title is written in pencil at this point, but it's about adjusting your perception of who you see in the mirror.  Further to follow...

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I recently viewed this short YouTube video of Mel Robbins speaking to a group in which she talked about "getting out of the weeds."  It's a great spin on the concept of "life getting in the way."  And it got me thinking...what the hell does that really mean?  Are we really just passive participants in our own lives?  I know that I've said that phrase more than I care to admit because it's an easy way to say "I've given up on __________ (fill in the blank)."  It's not life that got in my way though, it was me.  We get in our own way of reaching our goals.  We are, at times, our own worst deterrent to success and happiness.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  It's because we choose to avoid change in favor of predictability.  We fall into routines with work, life and relationships because it's easier, less risky and requires less thought.  But I don't believe that is human nature!  Our nature is to grow, live, discover and explore.  Look at this commercial for Red Bull...

These are extreme examples of human performance and initiative, but what about any of the great explorers, entrepreneurs, athletes, inventors or innovators?  At some point they all made a choice to deviate from the routine and do something unpredictable.  In most cases, outsiders looked on with skepticism and doubt.  Ever hear of the Wright Brothers?  My favorite line from that Red Bull commercial is this -- "The only limit is the one you set yourself."  How true is that?  The limitation many of us face is actually right between our own ears.  Habits, routines and predictability are safe but whose life is this to live?  A series of extraordinary events had to take place in a very specific order for us to enter this life.  When you think about it in those terms, it raises the question "what am I going to do with this life and how do I start?"

"I can't believe God put us on this earth to be ordinary." ~ Lou Holtz

An article on Forbes.com titled How to Get Out of Your Own Way addresses just that.  "And like anything, if you do something over and over it becomes a habit. Your view of the world becomes conditioned."  It's scary to think about changing our lives.  Just as the article suggests, perhaps the answer is to take it in small increments and then evaluate.  No one says it's an all-or-nothing proposition, but something is always better than nothing!

If we go back to Mel Robbins' talk about getting out of the weeds and start looking at our daily lives we will soon realize our weeds may have started growing with these routines and habits, but it's sometimes more than just predictability that holds us where we are.  We now have commitments and other responsibilities that prevent us from getting where or what we want.  Ah ha...that's life getting in the way!  Hooey!  We control all of this whether we believe it or not.

In his book, The Power of Less, Leo Babauta provides a straightforward approach to reducing the non-essential in our lives which frees up time, resources and focus to pursue our dreams.  He lists eight questions we must ask ourselves to find out what is essential to us.

1. What are your values?
2. What are your goals?
3. What do you love?
4. What is important to you?
5. What has the biggest impact in your life?
6. What has the most long-term impact?
7. What are your needs versus wants?
8. What non-essentials can you immediately eliminate?

The point behind all of this is that life never gets in the way.  That's a cop-out.  Yes, it is scary to break out of the box we've trapped ourselves in to chase our dreams.  People may doubt you.  You may doubt yourself.  You may even fail.  But amazingly, failure is not permanent and you ultimately have complete control over making this decision.  Happiness and success are matters of choice and perception.  

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." ~ Bill Cosby

Does the fire inside you burn hot enough to make you take a chance?  If the answer is yes, then start right this very second by dropping the phrase "Life is getting in the way" from your vocabulary.  It has no place in our heads and we are not passengers in our lives.  Take accountability.  Follow Babauta's process to identify what is essential in your life and drop the rest.  Take control.  Create a list of the steps you need to take to meet your goals and do it.

It's true, we do get in our own way sometimes.  But what makes life so amazing is that just as easily as we can stop our own progress, we can also get behind our own ideas and become the strongest advocate.  Get out of your weeds, live the life you have imagined and choose the route to happiness and success.  Life is not in the way...life is the opportunity!

Action

"Action trumps everything."

I really love this quote because it is so simple and true.  Action is the answer...period.  Action is the deliberate effort to do something.  In my mind "something" is moving toward my goals.

Whenever the new year comes around people often make resolutions to change something in their lives.  I've even heard them called "bucket lists" recently.  This name implies something to do before we "kick the bucket."  I hate that!  While I agree that we are perishable items on this earth, our goals ought not be simply a check box before we die.  Think about the effort it took to overcome a fear and make the effort to do something.  Really think back.  That first jump you launched yourself off with your bicycle.  The first time you mustered the courage to ask that special girl to prom.  The first job interview you walked into.  These all took courage and were building steps to the people we are today.  Building, not bucket.  We are building foundations for ourselves.

Life is about finding ourselves and becoming everything we imagined we could be.  Ever heard the phrase, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination"?  The journey begins with a single step and continues throughout our entire lives.  All too often people think that they must suffer in the years spent working so they can reach retirement, but when they reach retirement years they only relax and wind down.  I disagree.  I believe the entire journey from beginning to end is a building process.  It is the moments that should be enjoyed and celebrated, not ignored in pursuit of the next phase.

Now apply that to failure.  Failure is a moment in the journey of a lifetime.  Failure is merely a bent nail in the foundations we are building for ourselves.  It can become as significant to the final project as we allow it to be.  What does this have to do with action?  Everything.  Action trumps everything.  Failure causes us to stop dead in our tracks.  It forces us to reconsider the structure of the foundation.  It not only makes us halt but it convinces us to look back with worry.  Has it all been a sham?  Where do we go from here?  Therein lies the choice.  The two options are to give up building the foundation or push ahead.  Action.  Action trumps everything.  The latter is the key because life is a journey and failure is merely a checkpoint to re-evaluate, it does not compromise the integrity of the foundation.

There are countless successful and influential people who have literally changed their own lives, and the lives of many who follow them.  I love the imagery of a serene pond or lake with a glassy surface.  It is as if the water is asleep waiting for something.  Then a small pebble pierces its surface and the ripples radiate from the center in exponentially larger rings.  What one thing initiated the response?  Action.

Failure has stopped us all in our tracks -- some longer than others.  The next time it happens muster the courage, take a single step and imagine the ripples radiating from that move.  We all have the right to pursue happiness while we build the foundation of a lifetime.  The pursuit of happiness requires action to keep moving.  Action trumps everything.

Fear and Courage

Fear is the first enemy of love.

What's the first thought that crossed your mind when you initially read that?  Mine was, "I'm not afraid to love."  Ok, that's a valid thought because I am afraid to put my heart out there for fear it will be broken.  But, my response narrowly focuses on how I project my love onto someone else.  As I've read and re-read this quote I find a deeper meaning.

The word love is thrown around these days haphazardly.  Webster's Dictionary defines love, in part, as: "the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration."  Love is much more than a feeling for someone, it is a feeling for something, too.  What is your love?  Do you harbor some fear in reaching it?  Perhaps fear is a barrier to making our dreams a reality.  The key is to overcome our fear in order to create the life we dream about.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Henry D. Thoreau

What is your dream?  Starting your own business?  Moving to another state or country?  Going back to school?  Changing jobs?  Becoming a professional athlete?  Whatever it is, what's holding you back?  Fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of the work.  I've faced them all, and I still do.  There is but one trait necessary to turn our dreams into reality -- courage.  The antithesis of fear is courage.  Courage is simply the mental mindset to overcome fear.

Courage is the mindset in the middle of a process.  This process begins with desire.  We must have a desire to follow our dreams.  Only when our desire to make our dreams a reality becomes greater than our fear can we begin to develop the courage to overcome the fear.  As our courage becomes more deeply ingrained in our character, fueled by smart choices and an optimistic demeanor, we develop the confidence to make the decisions necessary to change our lives.  It doesn't matter what stage you're at in life because we all have this fear to some degree.  We all yearn for a love of something.

So, fear is the first enemy of love.  Our love.  Our passion.  Fear is a lock on the gate in the nexus between dreams and reality.  Between here and happiness.  Courage is the key to that lock.  Living life and creating happiness takes courage.  Stand tall amid your critics.  Walk with pride away from the mine field of past decisions.  Hold your head high so you can keep your dreams in sight.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  The past is over and the choices you've previously made are inconsequential to your ability to follow your dreams...as long as your desire exceeds your fear.

Fear may be the first enemy of love, but courage is the first ingredient of happiness.

The Power of Your Words

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. ~ Mother Teresa

This post is about words and how powerful or influential they can be.  I had an incident this morning in which someone, unknown to me, said four words to me to remind me of a past failure.  Those four words could have been anything -- You are a failure. You are absolutely nothing. You will never change. -- but I found that they took control of me for a moment.  I felt snared in a trap.  I felt my own happiness deflate and I let this guy take ownership of a portion of my mind.  I pictured him standing on some of the most precious real estate ramming a flag into it to stake his claim.  My mind is the most precious real estate in my world.

Why did I let him in?  Why did I let him occupy that real estate?  Perhaps when others choose words to cast upon us they touch on our own insecurities.  Do I sometimes have thoughts that I am a failure?  You bet.  So, I felt exposed.  I can't prevent the words that someone says to me, but I can use my own words to keep myself safe and positive.  I can use positive self-talk as mortar to shore up any gaps in the foundation of positivity I'm building...or rather, re-building.

This causes me to try to comprehend the ultimate power of our words; Both the words we cast upon others as well as the words we cast upon ourselves.  The process by which we put words together to express a thought or emotion is wrought with intent.  We don't say something unless we intend to express something.  So, under that premise, we need to go back and address our own intent.  Is it rooted in positivity or negativity?  Words are merely the vehicle we use to penetrate and infiltrate the mind.  Good or bad.

A word is dead when it's been said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day. ~ Emily Dickinson

What can you control?  It all starts with you.  Begin by choosing and using words of empowerment to create the emotion and mindset you want.  Success is dependent on a positive attitude.  Once you paint your world in positivity you'll find that your intent brightens.  Focus more on finding and promulgating the positive things you see.  It is truly powerful to change your mindset.  Cloudy winter days become great days to cuddle and read.  Now, understand that our mindset creates our intent.

Once you fill your mind with positive and empowering words driven with positive intentions, the words we choose to combine and cast upon others become positive.  You cannot sincerely compliment someone if you feel anger or negative.  Conversely, you simply cannot condemn someone if your mind is full of love and happiness.

That man's four words held me captive for a moment.  I know who I am and what I stand for.  I know I have make mistakes in the past.  I also know I have the ability to prevent anyone from staking claim to the precious real estate in my mind because I already own it and I'm creating a beautiful world of my own, filled with love and gratitude.

A Simple Mantra

You're right...it has been a long time since my last post.  I enjoy writing this blog so much because it gives me an opportunity to look for things to share.  In fact, sharing words of happiness is an activity I thoroughly enjoy.  There is little that makes me feel better than to see someone smile.  When we started brainstorming ideas about slogans and t-shirts for the new store I knew I wanted something that was succinct, memorable and positive.  I came up with "Have Fun. Play Hard. Be Happy."

As I thought more and more about that phrase I wanted to put some meaning behind each sentence, or suggestion.  I know it is overly simple as a life mantra...or is it?  Those six words say a lot!  They represent some classic gateway principles to a happy and fulfilled life.

Have Fun.
This supports the idea that you get just one shot at life and it is your responsibility to enjoy it.  No one else can do that for you.  Recently Volkswagen ran an add with the text "It's not the miles, it's how you live them."  Below is the commercial for that ad.  Wonderful!!  That is a witty spin off of a classic quote credited to Abraham Lincoln. "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."  Enjoy this ride because you only get to take it once...Have Fun.

Play Hard.
The undertone here is one of just playing, but that's not the case.  This part of the slogan comes from a couple different sources.  The first is General George Patton who said, "Always do more than is required of you." But I like Og Mandino's approach.  He said, "Exercise your privilege to go the extra mile, and enjoy all the rewards you receive."  It is your privilege to do more.  Playing hard is saying give it your all.  Make this moment count by putting in the effort and you will excel.  Why?  Minimal effort is equivalent to mediocrity.  Life is a blessing and moments are opportunities, so tackle every single task with a fire of enthusiasm.  This principle is a foundation of leadership, too.  We lead all the time.  We lead by example for our children, our co-workers, our family and anyone, whether we know of them or not, who looks to us as an example.  Give it your all.  Fight mediocrity.  Play Hard.

Be Happy.
The last statement is more than a suggestion; It's a reminder.  Happiness comes from inside you, not the outside forces that surround you.  I will be honest here and tell you that I constantly have to remind myself of this.  I tend to let things bother me.  I become reactive to my environment rather than create my mood.  One of my absolute favorite quotes is by one of the greatest coaches and mentors of all time, John Wooden.  He said, "Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out."  I remind myself of that quote frequently when I need to remind myself that my emotions start inside me.  If I accept and make peace with what comes my way I become the master of my ship.  This last quote is for Bambi, who always seems to have a sincere smile on her face no matter what.  "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ Jimmy Dean.  Make your destination happiness.  This last trait will make the previous two much easier and meaningful.  Be Happy.

I believe so deeply in these ideas that it has become the unofficial mantra of our store.  We have it on our t-shirts, on our front window in large letters, and we include it in every advertisement.  I hope every single person who passes by our windows or sees an ad takes a moment to contemplate the meaning.  I told you I love sharing positive messages.  Enjoy your life, give it everything you've got, and captain your own ship.

Have Fun. Play Hard. Be Happy.