Change is Choice

"We have the ability to change our minds at any given moment.  Why would it be any different to change our lives?" ~ Jason Huntsinger

It seems to me that in life we set out on this path and somewhere along the line we make a choice that takes us in a different direction.  This isn't always bad, and in fact it can be an absolutely wonderful thing.  Adapting to changing situations is a admirable trait that will add to a more joyful life.  But sometimes a choice leads us off in the wrong direction.  We may not know it at the time but we start to build momentum in this direction.  Gravity takes over.  We begin to make choices that compound on one another and build more momentum, making it seem almost impossible to stop.  One choice after another.

It's true in all aspects of life and business.  Think about it for a second.  This is how people start smoking, gain weight, do drugs, lie, cheat or even cut corners.  The first choice is the hardest because it is outside our normal behavior but the subsequent choices become easier because we build momentum.  Until we choose to change paths we only get farther and farther from the life we truly want.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." ~ George Eliot

We make choices all day, every day.  We can change our minds about any of those choices, too.  I want to this instead.  I want that for dinner.  My quote at the top of the page asks a simple question - why would it be any different to change our lives?  It's not!  Our current position is merely the culmination of our choices to this point...nothing more.  There is nothing preventing us from making a different choice right now to get the on the life track we want to be on.  Sure it might take some effort because it requires change.  It requires jumping off the path of least resistance with confidence so we can hold our heads up and see the right path.

Are you in the shape you want to be in?  Are you in the line of work you really want?  Do you eat healthy?  Are you known for being kind and helpful?  There are so many choices to make every single day, but it is never too late to make that first one today.

Think back to the choice that set you on this path and now look back at the second paragraph for a moment.  Just like when we started heading down this path in life, the first choice was the hardest because it was outside our normal behavior.  Change is choice.  The choice we need to make to get back on track is the hardest.  Beyond that first choice we will begin to build momentum in a new direction.  We'll define new goals and find a new routine to meet those goals.  One choice leads to two and they compound.

It truly is never too late to be who you want, do what you want, or become what you want.  This is no ones life but your own.  

Finding Action in Passivity

I'm a little intrigued by the idea of action versus passivity.  Even the word--passivity--seems so pliable to me.  In my mind it conjures up images of a leaf fluttering through the air, slave to a gentle breeze without control of where it may land.  I have long thought of the idea of passivity as synonymous with being void of any driving motivation.  A state in which someone simply succumbs to any pressure or influence.  A state in which some one's very existence is decided by someone or something else.  Yes, I've had pretty harsh thoughts about it.

As such, I've felt conflicted between the life concepts of taking action and going with the flow.  In a previous post I wrote about this and the locus of control.  Perhaps I tend to think in terms of all or nothing.  I'm here to admit there is a flaw in my thought process and the two need not be mutually exclusive.  Action can, and does, exist in passivity.  I've heard two comments recently that precipitate this entry...

"I hope to enjoy what's left of my life."

"I'm just trying to get through the day." 

Both of these statements initially struck me as sad.  They seemed to explain a sadness and loss of control.  I pictured the people who said these as simply lost and unsure whether they had a say in where their lives were headed.  Passivity.  But, action can, and does, exist in passivity.

Passivity is "being the subject of action rather than causing action" (Dictionary.com).  Think of it like this.  A stone that becomes swept up in a stream's current has no say in the direction it moves, but it becomes active in movement rolling and bashing into everything in its way.  A rolling stone gathers no moss.  Action.  A flag that flies in the wind has no say in the direction is flies, but it stands proudly at attention and flaps violently.  Flags are designed to display their significance when in full flight.  Action.

Your life, your surroundings, your situation or the people around you may have some say in the direction you travel, which may cause you to feel passive, but they have no control over the deliberateness of your movement in that direction.

"Things turn our best for those who make the best of the way things turn out." ~ John Wooden  

Passivity merely describes your resistance to the influence and not your ability to take control of the opportunity for excellence before you.  We may not all have the exact same opportunity for greatness but greatness is completely subjective.  Absolutely nothing prevents us from taking action to be great in whatever we choose to do along this path in life.  Be the rock in the river, roll with intent and smash into your obstacles.  Be the flag in the wind, fly proud and flap harder and faster than any other.  Be you, live with intent and pride, and be the absolute best you possible.

Action.  Passivity.  Opportunities.  Choices.  Life is a wonderful mix of them all.

Branding of a Personal Kind

"The intentions of your entire life may become overshadowed by your actions in the next 5 minutes." ~ Jason Huntsinger

I'm becoming more and more interested in the concept of personal branding.  Perhaps it's a sign of the times that we need to develop and manage our brand because we live our lives online.  The ease in which we document our daily activities creates a trail of digital permanency, good or bad, that may never go away.

Think about that quote above for a moment and ponder this: If you don't create a brand to tell your story then who will?  Why take a passive role in this process?

There are two key issues in developing and maintaining your personal brand.  First, is that the brand or image you're creating must be legitimate.  Certainly there is room for interpretation here, but you cannot create an online image of something you're not.  This invalidates your word and brand immediately.  When I say there is room for interpretation I mean we all have our own perceptions of the situations and circumstances in our lives.  The old adage "don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes."  You are the only one who knows the true and intimate details of your motivations and intentions.  Hence the need to tell your own story rather than let someone else do it.

The second key issue is consistency.  One of the reasons to brand or re-brand yourself is to tell the story of you.  That story is not defined by a single act yet that one act may step to the front of the stage in the brightest spotlight.  Once you draw attention to the entire story of YOU it becomes vitally important to be consistent in that story.  This takes being smart.  You can't purport to be one type of person and then act in a manner contrary to this.  The intentions of your entire life may become overshadowed by your actions in the next 5 minutes.  That warning is always there and never lets up.  And that's true of the life you live online or offline.  This also goes back to the legitimacy of the brand you're creating.  If it is a facade it will become apparent with your actions.  You can't keep living a lie nor can you build a foundation based on lies.

Here is the good news... It is never too late to begin this process.  Sure, it might be a steeper climb to get out of the hole you've dug, but, "it is never too late to be what you might have been" (George Eliot).  I love that quote.  Life is fluid and ever-changing.  If you can accept responsibility for your past choices and accept yourself for the potential you truly possess, it truly is never too late to create your brand and tell your story, write your story and design the life of your dreams.

Try Kindness

Recently, on a return flight from Las Vegas to Missoula, I had the pleasure of meeting a male flight attendant named Dante.  I tend to watch people when traveling and noticed something about Dante.  He smiled often and was consistently courteous.  Then I noticed something else.  His name tag had a tag line: "Committed to Kindness".  I immediately thought of Maya Angelou's quote.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

What a wonderfully bold tag line to add to a name tag.  In my eyes it made his name synonymous with this declaration.  A vow that he made to me and everyone else on board that plane.  The truth is kindness does matter.  One of my pet peeves is when someone makes the disclaimer, "I tell it like it is."  Translation: "I don't care how I make you feel and I am likely going to say something rude."

This morning I read an article on fastcompany.com that led me to a blog by Cap Watkins.  He is a web designer who moved to Oakland for work.  He wrote about his attempt to meet other web designers in the Bay Area and it came down to one person's kindness.  Great piece!

Cap's story is about networking.  It's also a story about making friends and taking a chance, but the root of the matter is networking.  Who wants to network with someone who is unkind?  No one does.  Networking, at it's essence, is a relationship between two people and when entering a relationship your interpersonal skills are a factor.  Ever hear the statement, your reputation precedes you?   People may hear about something you've done or something you've said, but when face-to-face with someone their true opinion of you will develop based on how you make them feel.

Are you committed to something so strongly that you are willing to make it synonymous with your name?  If not, try kindness and watch the doors begin to open.

Integrity

My partner told me about a situation she encountered yesterday.  She received the wrong item when making a purchase.  The answer was simple and, since she is the most honest person I've ever met, I knew she knew the answer was simple.  It was a matter of integrity.

"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." ~ Oprah Winfrey

This post is not about the importance of honesty and integrity.  That's too obvious.  This will be about who we choose to surround ourselves with.  The energy and decisions of those around us affect us.  My partner is the most genuine woman I have ever known.  She exudes an innate kindness, heartfelt compassion and moral certainty that draws you in.  I've met her parents...the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

The point is this: whether in our personal lives or business lives, it becomes vital to our own success and happiness to have people around us who naturally do the right thing.  Each of us is an individual and only we can decide to be happy or not, but at a basic level our propensity to make this decision is influenced by our surroundings and those who come into our lives...even for just a moment.

I knew she'd make the right decision.  In fact, it never even crossed my mind that she wouldn't.  This sureness gave me reassurance to act similarly.  Isn't it natural to want to surround ourselves with people whose moral compasses are so steady and definite that they inspire us to be better?  That's an attribute of leadership and in some way, every single day, we act as leaders or followers either modeling or emulating behaviors.

Watch this video as a wonderful reminder of the cycle of modeling and emulating positive behaviors.

  

Painting the Scene

I've recently begun reading Lee Child's books featuring his character, Jack Reacher.  I'm enjoying the way Child writes and describes situations.  This morning I was reading the second book in the series, Die Trying, and got to a part in which Child described Reacher crawling through a narrowing cave in the side of a mountain.  I literally found myself flying through the words in a panic.

Child does an amazing job describing Reacher, who is similarly sized to me, crawling, scraping and nudging his way, inch by inch, through a very narrow tunnel in complete and total darkness.  At one point, the point where panic set in for me, Child describes the tunnel ending and being too narrow and shallow for Reacher to move his arms or get leverage to push backward and retreat.  Reacher panicked.  I panicked.  It was one of the most riveting series of descriptions I've ever read.  I was there with Reacher experiencing the situation and I couldn't stop until I found out what happened.  Child painted the scene wonderfully.

A couple hours later I sat drinking my morning coffee and it hit me.  I've never really read something that elicited such genuine emotion in me.  I fretted for Reacher.  I fretted for a situation that I felt myself in.  What if I read something that elicited the opposite emotions?  Why wait to read someone else's words to make me feel this way?  What if I invested as much emotional intensity and focus on painting the scene for the life I want?  Could I believe and visualize aspects of my own life with such fervent conviction?  Of course I can!

I am challenging myself here.  This train of thought is exactly in alignment with the Law of Attraction.  "What we can conceive and believe, we can achieve."  The Law of Attraction is an active approach to life, despite what the name implies.  I can't simply sketch a picture of where, what or how I want to be.  This would be such a perfunctory attempt to create my life.  I've got to sit on the edge of my seat with my mind completely focused on this conception.  I must block out the distractions around me; the naysayers, the critics, the myriad of interferences life throws my way and focus.  I must paint the scene with such definition and certainty that I find myself there, just like I did with Reacher.  I believe then, and only then, will I be able to truly bring it all together.

Locus of Control

There seems to be two different ideologies out there concerning happiness and success.  At times I have struggled to see how they're connected.  Recently, in a discussion with my partner, I mentioned my opinion that these ideologies seem to conflict with one another.  The topic concerns an upcoming decision I feel I need to make.  She, in yet another example of her brilliance, named the dilemma I was finally realizing.

In terms of happiness, some common thoughts revolve around the idea that we should make the best of any situation.

"Bloom where you are planted."

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."

I understand the mentality here.  I've been in situations in which I repeated these thoughts to myself and they've helped.  I believe there is always a glimmer of hope in a situation if you train yourself to look for it.  In doing so, you train your mind to begin to see beyond the undesirable qualities of a particular circumstance.  But, my problem with this ideology is that it almost seems passive.  It's a "sit back and accept" mentality.  I disagree with that. 

Conversely, the other ideology focuses on making the effort to succeed.  It's about taking that leap of faith to create the life of your dreams.

"Control your own destiny or someone else will."

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

This mentality is one of action.  One of grabbing life by the horns and making it what you want.  Do you see the contrast here?  It's acceptance versus action.  I am at the point in my life where I find real value in being the captain of my ship.  This is my life.  And, this one moment in time is a gift to me.  Why not make it the life I want it to be?  No one else but me has the responsibility or opportunity to make it worthwhile.

This is my dilemma: I find value in both ideologies depending on the situation.  My partner named this for me.  It's called Locus of Control.  This is a term used to describe whether someone feels in control of what happens to them.  That definition seems results-oriented, an afterthought.

I know I look at life with an internal locus of control.  I choose to place more practical value on framing my decisions with this mentality.  I know that I prefer to take an affirmative role in my life and make decisions.  I want to control what happens to me.  I also accept responsibility for the successes and failures that come from those decisions.  But the bottom line is that I want to create the life of my dreams.  After all...

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."