Losing Our First Hero

"Hero: a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities."

I've been fortunate enough lately to have some wonderfully deep conversations about failure.  As I write that sentence it sounds paradoxical.  The concepts of wonderful and failure rarely wind up connected in thought, but it's true.  They've been wonderfully deep because they have provoked introspection and self-analysis.  Specifically, they've inspired me to investigate and validate the contrasting claim I make whenever I recollect my failures: But, that's not who I am.  

It can be difficult to recall our failures.  Sometimes it can be deeply painful, other times it can be brutally shameful.  In my life the pain I feel when recalling my failures feels as though I single-handedly destroyed the lens through which the world sees me.  It's rather inevitable to feel this way when our private story becomes our public image.

Now perhaps you subscribe to the thought that our public image is far less concerning than how we feel about ourselves.  I agree.  The way that we feel about ourselves is indeed the most important opinion of all but I argue it's largely affected by both our private story and our public image.  In many ways, as we grow up we begin to see our potential and we see ourselves as our own first emerging hero.  But the possibility exists that suffering failure in life can feel like losing our first hero.  It can feel like the mirror's reflection is now the contradiction of who we believe ourselves to be.  The self-reflective statement, "But, that's not who I am," either introduces our efforts at being vulnerable or becomes a post-oration renunciation.  It becomes an exception to who we are in their world.  

"Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed." ~ Peter S. Beagle

Our lives are journeys of building and growth which lead to achievement and success.  But does achievement alone really qualify someone to be a hero?  Doesn't the path upon which we travel matter? At some point the effort to grow must battle and triumph the obstacles of growth.  Life is, at times, a test of fortitude, whereby the path of least resistance is not the precursor to life's greatest achievements.  Heroes are made in the moments that require the greatest summons.

I get caught up in the notion that I am what I've done.  The flaw in that mentality is that since life is a changeable journey there is absolutely zero validity in benchmarking our worth from a single moment.  To be a hero, even our own hero, the totality of our efforts should be evaluated.  Moments become hours, which become days and then months and years.  Each one of those moments is an opportunity to make a different choice.  Whether our failures come from miscalculation or malfeasance, the very next moment is a call to change.  Heroism is not just some great and commendable action in the face of danger benefiting someone else; it can also be picking ourselves up by our own bootstraps in our greatest times of need.

My mind shift has come with dropping the idea that my failure was like losing my first hero, but rather gaining the perspective that this failure was the necessary opportunity to test the strength of my hero -- me.  I am my own hero in life.  The image I possess of myself in my mind is the figure to whom I strive to be more like.  He is the man, father and partner I strive to be.  He is the one I seek validation from and who I work to satisfy.

"If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes." ~ Mark Twain

   

This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Networking Outside the Network

How many of us believe we are masters at networking in the workplace, but disappear into the shadows when we're off stage and change out of our work clothes?  Admittedly, I am...at least I admit to the latter part of that.  As I've posted before, networking is all about relationships.  Business or not, it is about interpersonal relationships.  It's about getting to know someone and talking to them in terms they appreciate and find interest in.

"The difference between appreciation and flattery?  That is simple.  One is sincere and the other is insincere.  One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out.  One is unselfish; the other selfish.  One is universally admired; the other universally condemned." ~ Dale Carnegie

The principles of networking work outside the network, and it starts with a sincere and genuine interest in someone.  Let me tell you about a friend I met who exudes this idea.  His name is Ironman Dave.  That's how I will always know him anyway.  We met through a social media app and found a common interest in triathlon.  I soon learned IM Dave had an apparent zest for life.  His trademark smile and "rock on" pose adorned several pictures on this social media app.  From several hundred miles away his energy shone through.

I was fortunate enough to meet Dave in person in Arizona during Ironman Arizona.  His smile made the trip with him.  He had organized a breakfast meet-and-greet for several people on this social media app.  When Dave talks to you he looks at you, asks questions and acknowledges your responses.  Dave knows how to network.

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." ~ Dale Carnegie

A few instances since have demonstrated the type of man Dave is.  Posts of encouragement from the bedside of a friend in the hospital, messages leading up to and during my first half-Ironman race, and simply wearing a shirt I gave him while heading to Europe.

Why is this important?  Because this is true networking.  Dave is a superior athlete to me, has completed more races and is a more successful businessman.  But, this is about developing and advancing an interpersonal relationship, not connecting with someone for what they can provide you.  You simply cannot network in or out of the network if your intentions are disingenuous.

I guarantee that if you practice networking in real life with real friends, the workplace show will only come that much easier and genuine.  

Branding of a Personal Kind

"The intentions of your entire life may become overshadowed by your actions in the next 5 minutes." ~ Jason Huntsinger

I'm becoming more and more interested in the concept of personal branding.  Perhaps it's a sign of the times that we need to develop and manage our brand because we live our lives online.  The ease in which we document our daily activities creates a trail of digital permanency, good or bad, that may never go away.

Think about that quote above for a moment and ponder this: If you don't create a brand to tell your story then who will?  Why take a passive role in this process?

There are two key issues in developing and maintaining your personal brand.  First, is that the brand or image you're creating must be legitimate.  Certainly there is room for interpretation here, but you cannot create an online image of something you're not.  This invalidates your word and brand immediately.  When I say there is room for interpretation I mean we all have our own perceptions of the situations and circumstances in our lives.  The old adage "don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes."  You are the only one who knows the true and intimate details of your motivations and intentions.  Hence the need to tell your own story rather than let someone else do it.

The second key issue is consistency.  One of the reasons to brand or re-brand yourself is to tell the story of you.  That story is not defined by a single act yet that one act may step to the front of the stage in the brightest spotlight.  Once you draw attention to the entire story of YOU it becomes vitally important to be consistent in that story.  This takes being smart.  You can't purport to be one type of person and then act in a manner contrary to this.  The intentions of your entire life may become overshadowed by your actions in the next 5 minutes.  That warning is always there and never lets up.  And that's true of the life you live online or offline.  This also goes back to the legitimacy of the brand you're creating.  If it is a facade it will become apparent with your actions.  You can't keep living a lie nor can you build a foundation based on lies.

Here is the good news... It is never too late to begin this process.  Sure, it might be a steeper climb to get out of the hole you've dug, but, "it is never too late to be what you might have been" (George Eliot).  I love that quote.  Life is fluid and ever-changing.  If you can accept responsibility for your past choices and accept yourself for the potential you truly possess, it truly is never too late to create your brand and tell your story, write your story and design the life of your dreams.