We See What We Want To See

This piece, like every blog, is purely a collection of words that I've arranged to describe a thought. I can try my best to communicate emotion through these words but, alas, they are just words. Nevertheless, the reader (you) will interpret these words and their context exactly as you want to see them. Your perspective is based on your own attitude towards this abstraction as you interpret these words looking for emotion, meaning and undertones. We see what we want to see.

"Songs are as sad as the listener." ~ J.S. Foer

Think about this quote, and recall one of your favorite songs. Recall the place where you stood in life when you heard the words, or, more importantly, when the words took meaning for you. Your attitude completely affected the meaning and influenced your perspective. But, obviously, not everyone sees the same meaning; we see what we want to see.

This idea is applicable to many parts of life. Whether listening to a song, reading an article, hearing a story or even in our daily interactions, we are always influenced by our own attitude and perception. I believe that once our initial opinion of the artist, author, narrator or person is corroborated by our attitude it forges a longer-term assumption that, intentionally or not, influences our future interactions. We see what we want to see.

My narrative thus far has focused on the self-regarding manner in which we view the world. It paints a picture of control on our part and, as beneficiaries of our perception, how we interpret the world. But for every action, such as the judgment and opinion we cast into the world, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Someone else is judging you right now.

"...it would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and draws all sorts of conclusions." ~ Malcolm Gladwell 

When I shift my thought process from one of casting judgment outward to the impact and influence of being judged, it reminds me of the Golem effect. I can remember exactly where I was the first time I heard this term because it has resonated with me ever since. In summary, it is a concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy whereby placing a judgment of low expectations on someone effectively lowers his performance.

This theory is most clearly relevant in closer relationships and interactions: the parent-child, teacher-student or manager-employee relationship, to be specific. But what if the ramifications of the Golem effect profoundly and silently impact your ability to interact or communicate with the rest of the world? Is there such a thing as a societal Golem effect? Of course! Individuals in various classes of life commonly assess a negative expectation onto others whether because of federally-protected criteria such as race, color, gender, religion, ancestry, age, veteran status or disability, but also political affiliation, income, location or criminal history.

The societal Golem effect causes your harmony with society to be out of balance. The spoken and unspoken agreements you make with others in daily interactions become meaningless and the words you offer, regardless of whether they are intended to support or encourage, become subject to the attitudinal perceptions mentioned above. How can we interact with one another in a harmonious bond if our primary means of communication is null of the meaning we give it and imbued with the attitude of its recipient?

"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words." ~ Rumi

Clearly, any time we directly violate trust or create a misunderstanding in the interpersonal relationships you hold close it may influence the agreements and attitudes of both parties. If you lie to someone they don't quickly forgive or forget. But remember, the Golem effect is a facet of the self-fulfilling prophecy, which means if your interpersonal interactions cause you to cast irreparable negative influences upon yourself, it is just as oppressive as interacting with someone who treats you in a derogatory manner. At some point in life, when these attitudes outweigh any possibility of positive communication and your relationship shifts from harmony to dissonance it is time to terminate the association. Your life deserves positive influences and people who fill you with positive expectations. You deserve hope. You can never start a new day, with a new mindset, if you are consistently judged by the empty expectations of yesterday. We see what we want to see, so make it something positive. Your soul will thank you.

"Simply put, you cannot live a happy life with the weight of negative expectations." ~ me

This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Choose Your Brush Wisely

While driving home from St. George, Utah, last May, I caught my reflection in the rear view mirror, and for just a split second I didn't recognize the eyes looking back.  Through all my years I've always recognized the eyes of the man looking back at me in the mirror, even when the face changed a bit, but this time he looked different.  He was older.  He was weathered.  He was disappointed.  His eyes didn't shine like they usually do.  His eyes used to squint in laughter but that day they leaked in pain.  I'm 46 now, perhaps half way through life, so maybe it's a good time to figure out: What does happiness look like?  

"Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story." ~ Leo Tolstoy

We convincingly tell ourselves stories about why we're unhappy or why we can't be happy in this circumstance or that, yet how often do we convince ourselves that it's all perfectly fine?  It's perfectly acceptable, and I'll argue it's even healthy, to be in an undesirable situation and find moments of happiness.  I'm not suggesting hysterically laughing during a divorce proceeding but certainly there is some seed of happiness in another part of that same day.  And that is the point here...we characterize entire sections of our lives with pain but mere moments with happiness.  Countless times I've convinced myself that my unhappiness is deserved.  I've allowed this mindset to dilute my appreciation of everything around me.  Beauty washed out by my own thoughts.

"We have a tendency to paint unhappiness in our lives with a broad brush overextending the relevancy of the circumstance; yet we paint happiness with a fine tip brush carefully staying with the constraints of the moment.  Wouldn't you agree it's time to switch brushes?" ~ me 

We are all on a journey to find ourselves, better ourselves, make peace or be happy.  Literally, if we're not working towards some personal development goal then we are working to overcome some failure.    We're either content or discontented.  Over the last several years I've experienced both feelings and characterized my life as a work in progress.  Characterized an entire segment of my life with this broad brush!  I've searched outside myself for happiness and convinced myself I'm struggling to get some traction.  I've used that phrase quite a bit...trying to get some traction.  I've said I'm waiting for these ideas and plans ruminating inside my head to finally take shape.  Trying to get some traction is the phrase I've used as an excuse to explain where I am at this point in life and why I'm there.  I'm trying to get some traction on finding happy.

What does happiness look like?

We attempt to pinpoint, using the fine tip brush, happiness to a specific moment, yet we fail to understand the appreciation of that moment is only possible if we are happy.  Happiness is not the moment but rather the state surrounding this moment.  We needed a broad fanning brush of happiness swept across the entire situation--leading into, during and transitioning out of--to recognize this moment.  In this respect, happiness is difficult to quantify but it's easy to feel.  Happiness is the perfect harmony between mindset and moment.  It's an allowance to appreciate and partake in pleasures that encourage you to smile, laugh, feel and dream.  But here is the absolute kicker...you will never know happiness without also knowing discontent.  It's the same concept that recognizing the true beauty of the stars is only possible in darkness.

"Happiness is the perfect harmony of mindset and moment." ~ me

In reality, you cannot insulate yourself solely from either aspect of your journey.  You cannot guard against sorrow while being open to joy.  Opening your mind, body and soul to the prospect of true happiness also opens the door to the possibility of pain.  Experience them both and don't try to control that.  What you can control is which brush you choose to swipe across the canvas of life.  Choose the broad brush generously to paint happiness across your life; use the fine tip brush carefully, staying completely with the lines, to recognize the delineation of this moment in contrast to what your life truly is...HAPPY.

Thoughts on Being All In

I attended my son's high school basketball game yesterday.  Sitting behind his team's bench I was privy to the bench conversations, huddle strategics and court side direction.  It was all so very supportive and intentional...a positive experience for the boys and as a spectator.  And then, while watching the team finish a :30 second huddle and head back onto the floor, I overheard their exclamatory mantra: ALL IN!!!

"You can't do passion halfway. Living your passion means you're all in. You trust your heart and trust your gut wherever that takes you." ~ Joe Plumeri

I expected them to chant DEFENSE or SPARTANS or some other generic rah, rah go team phrase.  But ALL IN is a phrase that's been on my mind a lot lately.  It's also been on my fingertips and the tip of my tongue as I write and talk about my life.  So, being exactly who I am, I started thinking about what that means to me.  The first place I went was to my son.  I asked him why they chant ALL IN and he replied, "I don't know. They just told us to at the beginning so we do."  Ok, that was no help!

ALL IN: They're two very short words and, seemingly, quite generic.  But the first impression is that this signifies a commitment.  Bear in mind that I'm speaking from the point of view of how I use that phrase in life rather than how a basketball spectator uses it to watch the game.

Following the game I drove two hours back home and that phrase just kept popping into my head.  ALL IN is more than just an utterance of commitment.  It's not a generic chant, but rather a bold exclamation.  The ALL of this phrase states every ounce of your being--including your body, mind, spirit, heart and soul--is involved in this.

As the quote above suggests, it's a passion, an impetus towards something great.  That distinction separates this experience from a commitment.  With a commitment you have made a choice.  You've deliberated the pros and cons, and found greater value in the benefits than the impact of the detriments, and that is the point.  With a commitment some part of you retains hesitation and caution is born.  I believe to proclaim the word ALL, with absolute sincerity, is to describe yourself wholly.

The IN of this phrase suggests inclusion; an offering to participate.  Seeking inclusion to participate in an activity or event is preceded by an agreement.  "I understand the situation and I'd like to participate."

"There's no where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be..." ~ John Lennon

So what, exactly, makes ALL IN different?  Why am I writing about this?  It's because being ALL IN is not a choice.  There is no deliberation or qualification to join.  There is no asking for guidance prior.  It's literally surrendering to the magnetic impulses of your soul, not by succumbing to force or coercion, but by creating intentions for your journey and letting go.  It's simply an understanding that every part of you is every part of this, without question and without reservation.  It's ALL IN.

Thoughts on Walking Home

I'm in Florida and wrapping up a two-week training program for work.  It's January, the weather is amazing, I'm running every day and I'm inspired.  My inspiration lied dormant for a bit and, sadly, so did my appreciation for some of the little things in life...until today.  While on my run I witnessed something so simple but so beautiful.  It made me slow to a walk and smile.  It affected me so instantly that my first reaction was an impulse to approach these two people and express my veneration.  What, you might now wonder, could make me react this way and sit down to write about it?  I witnessed a father greet his middle-school-aged son getting off the school bus.

"We are all just walking each other home." ~ Ram Dass

I've known of this quote for a while and it resonated with me the first time I read it.  There was something about the imagery it conjured up for me.  And, truthfully, today when I witnessed the father and son greeting my recollection of this quote is what stopped me.

The son disembarked the school bus and walked directly towards his father, who was also walking to anticipate the meeting.  When they reached each other the father wrapped his arms around his son and the two shared a gentle laugh.  Then they exchanged a few words, the father wrapped one arm around his son's shoulder and they walked back towards their home.

All I did was witness a simple, likely daily, interaction between a father and his son, and now I just walked along smiling like an idiot!!  So your next question is probably, "What is wrong with this guy?" The answer to that question is either everything or nothing...check back later.  But to remain on point, the impactful moment for me was the greeting and walk home, and that got me thinking.

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

Looking back at the quote above, the obvious point when I first read this was that we are all just walking.  Doesn't that summon imagery of a quasi-pilgrimage?  Depending where you and your mindset are in life it may paint a picture of a head-down shuffle almost as if drawn to a destination.  But, somehow this show of father and son affection painted a completely different picture for me.  The walk is actually a journey and the point of this is not that we are walking, but that we are walking each other.

This life is far less about making the journey than it is about making it with someone, adding value to their journey, sometimes only sharing the sounds of your breath and other times a laugh.  Taking this journey together is giving yourself to someone.  It shifts your focus away from egocentrism and more toward creating an altruistic purpose in the world.  The ending remains the same, in that we all reach home, but the journey becomes built with intention.  This was simply a father and son meeting after school and walking home.  In some households this task my be referred to as, "I have to go get the kids," but in other households this is seen as an opportunity to walk each other home.

"The only thing we truly have in this world to give away is our love." ~ me

Thoughts on Watching Others Succeed

"Non nobis solum nati summum." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

This phrase translates to "Not for ourselves alone are we born."  There is something about this phrase that just sticks with me and, oddly enough, makes me appreciate social media.  I think back to the first time I heard about Instagram and the criticism: Why do people care about the pictures you post?

I care...sometimes.  I care when I see your struggle, your discipline, your dedication and achievement.  As a result I subscribe to people who's journeys I care to see, the people within whom I see these traits.  I care because we are all in this together, yet we are all on our own journeys.  I care because you and I seem to have common interests.  I care because I've been in the bleachers of an Ironman finish, closing in on the midnight deadline and I've seen the pain in your face as you push through to cross the line.  With an empathetic and encouraging heart, I care because I know the voices in our heads are sometimes so convincing that they can't be ignored.  And social media is a great platform for this documentary of life and achievement.

I have often thought about two ideologies that seem to contradict one another.  The thought that no one has the power to cause us pain by criticizing us unless we let them and the other thought that our own words have the power to build or destroy.  These are contradictory to me because it's a play on the locus on control.  We either have the internal fortitude to shrug off negativity or we believe we have the power to alter someone's entire world with our utterances.  Is it in us or not?  Is it in them or not?  Is the struggle internal or external?  Are we our own hero or do we succumb to the antagonists of the world?  Maybe what's really most important is not whether others have some impact on our journey, but that to achieve a purposeful life we need to positively impact others.

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves." ~ Horace Mann 

My point of this thought is this: I believe there is no greater human experience than cheering for someone else to succeed.  I believe in great personal experiences, but to be human means to participate in humanity, and I believe we have an innate necessity to participate in the human achievement.  The voices spewing doubt in our heads, or outside our heads, are bullshit, and we all know that.  But the voices singing our praise are real, and we need to remember that.

I've been focusing my attention on the concept of vulnerability for a bit now.  The goal, any goal, of achievement is laying yourself on the line.  It's literally stepping forward to take on more.  It's a show of willingness to try and fail more than anything else.  As witnesses to this brave step forward we should have no other reaction that honest encouragement.

"I want to treat all of life like an Ironman finishing chute: on my feet, tears of joy in my eyes, fully engaged and cheering at the top of my lungs for those around me to succeed." ~ me

The Olympics are a fantastic demonstration of our willingness to support our fellow (wo)man.  But why should that support be any different than the support we give our training buddies, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or even perfect strangers?  I find incredible inspiration from the people I find and follow on Instagram.  Your journey is amazing and you are amazing.  Remember that.

The next time you scroll across someone's Instagram feed and see a photo of their alarm set for 4:00am with some sort of motivational message, or see a photo of their three hour trainer ride, or read some comment about how cold the pool is at 5:00am, remember they have faced the same doubts and challenges you do.  The difference is that they chose not to listen to the doubt, nor the critics.  They chose to put themselves on the line and share their journey.  That locus of control lives within them.  This is their journey so our only hope is that they hear our cheers just enough to push a little harder, hang on a little longer and reach a little farther.

Losing Your Focus

"We've spent so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

For some unknown reason we all tend to judge one another.  Perhaps it offers us some solace to believe others have imperfections or character flaws when we feel most vulnerable.

We all have some notion of what the world should be and how everyone we meet should fit into that idea.  It's a massive template we lay over our world, our version of life, and our version of the constant battle between right and wrong.  When someone doesn't fit our plan or ideals we pass judgment on them.

Do we ever stop to realize that everyone we meet is doing the exact same to us?  The people we come across every day, both face-to-face and in this electronic world, are laying their own templates before them in an effort to navigate life.

To put it in the most simple of term, we are all on a personal journey on this mighty blue marble.  But, a journey to where?  It's a journey that somehow seems unfathomably long at the beginning yet painfully quick at the end.  A journey of intense elation and near unbearable heartbreak.  A journey that seems sinuous at times and undeviating at others.  A journey of falling down and getting back up.  We are all on a journey to become better versions of ourselves and attain some level of fulfillment.

It's a personal journey that lasts an entire lifetime.

"Imagine a life where people realized every minute they spent judging one another was one less minute they had to find their own true purpose. It is here now and all it takes is for us to start." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So, why in the world do we shift our focus from our own game plan to one of judgement towards others?  Others have lived and failed, stood tall and slumped, perhaps already faced their greatest challenge or are facing it right this moment.  And here we sit with our own life passing us by, even for just a second, while we shake our proverbial head at them.

We all have the ability to create the most amazing story ever lived; one day at a time, one step at a time and one breath at a time.  No where in this opportunity or along this journey is it acceptable to keep someone down with your judgement.  So I implore you, the next time you find yourself having negative, judgmental thoughts about someone remember every one's journey hits highs and lows, and realign your focus on creating a beautiful story.

"To love a man enough to help him, you have to forfeit the warm, self-righteous glow that comes from judging." ~ Ron Hall 

     

What Do You See?

I just finished watching this video from a diversity coach named Jane Elliot.  Around ten minutes into the video she brought a tall black man, named Russell, to the front of the class and asked him whether his height, gender and skin color were important.  He replied yes to all three.  She then told the class, in summary, that in our attempt to not focus on any particular aspect of Russell we diminish what he finds important in identifying himself.

That got me thinking about the reality of what we see.  What characteristics of your true self do you display to the world?  Suffice it to say we advertise what we want the world to see and play down what we don't.  I previously posted a blog on expectations in which I ended with this quote:

"When you look at someone you see what you expect to see: good or bad.  Therefore, always look for the vein of goodness because it's there.  Expect it and it appears." ~ Jason Huntsinger

How many times do we pass someone on the street or in a store, or simply listen to what other's say and form a quick opinion?  I'm afraid we judge people by what we see or hear in that instant, rather than evaluate the content of their being.  I'm guilty of it.  I'm not saying we form a hatred or bias necessarily, but with the number of people we could interact with in a single day and obviously choose not to, it seems rather impossible not to make a quick judgment and ignore someone.

My point here is we should never forget that people are far more than just what we see...as are we.  We should focus on the differences between us because that is where the real beauty of life is.  We all have a journey to take and possess inherent value.  People's lives are stories being continually written.  You would never grab a book and discard it simply because of its cover or open to the middle, read a single paragraph and form an opinion of the entire book.  So why do we do that to people?

I am a work in progress.  I am one of life's great tragedies at the same time I am one of life's great accomplishments.

"I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see." ~ Douglas Pagels

Life is a painful and exhilarating odyssey that we may at times believe incapable to perfect and at others impossible to improve.  People fall.  Falling is the easy part.  But people also possess a natural motivation to get back to their feet and try again, see the sun rise and welcome a new day, feel or show true love and make someone smile.

If you see someone in his or her moment of personal hardship please don't write them off.  Rather, understand that the depth of a person is far beneath their clothes or skin, and expect to see something magical inside them.  Relish in the friendships of individuals on their own journeys rather than the homogeneous anonymity of masses.  Surround yourself with people who see you for all that you are, and celebrate your similarities and differences.  Simply be you while allowing others to be them, and together let's be us.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." ~ Oscar Wilde

Sticks and Stones

It really seems like such a simple principle to live by, doesn't it?

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  

We begin to learn this message as soon as we learn to speak. As we grow older the phrase becomes a little more complex, but the message is the same. It's a message of how to treat people.

Words are so inexplicably powerful...if we allow to them be. When you think about words--the formation of sounds and the arrangement of letters, and our understanding and agreement of the meanings--it is absurd that they can carry so much power. The simple combination of words in a deliberate order can either empower or destroy a person. No physical force necessary. No physical harm inflicted. But crippling emotional harm, nonetheless.


The intent behind our word choice is what precipitates the early-life training: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's one of the earliest lessons we learn but so many of us still have a hard time with it. Some of the other basic principles of living amongst people are easier: don't hit and don't take something that doesn't belong to you. But perhaps this one is more difficult because it can be somewhat cathartic to the orator. It is a surefire way to project negative emotions elsewhere, almost as if opening your mouth is an actual physical release of the negativity. In this case it comes from unhappiness and a desire to bring others down as well.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~ Plato

Verbal enmity is laden with spite and constructed in just such a way to cause the most damage. Opposite of a weapon of mass destruction, it is the most efficient weapon of focused destruction. You can sometimes witness a person physically deflate when another launches ill-intentioned words their way. Often the reception of the words is based on the relationship between the orator and the recipient. That relationship is what gives the words credibility and either encourages or discourages the recipient to agree. The closer the relationship the more powerful the propensity to agree.

"By hooking our attention, the word can enter our mind and change a whole belief for better or for worse." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

What's the point of this observation? If you wouldn't stand nose-to-nose and fire hate in an attempt to ruin someone then why look in the mirror and do it to yourself? There is no one you have a closer relationship to than yourself, and as such, no one's words have more meaning than your own. You are better than you believe and every single moment--86,400 every single day--is your opportunity to make a change. It's that simple. If you are unhappy with your past decisions, which have guided you to this moment, then seize the opportunity to make a change. Choose words that lift rather than crush. Use those sticks and stones to build your future.

Try Kindness

Recently, on a return flight from Las Vegas to Missoula, I had the pleasure of meeting a male flight attendant named Dante.  I tend to watch people when traveling and noticed something about Dante.  He smiled often and was consistently courteous.  Then I noticed something else.  His name tag had a tag line: "Committed to Kindness".  I immediately thought of Maya Angelou's quote.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

What a wonderfully bold tag line to add to a name tag.  In my eyes it made his name synonymous with this declaration.  A vow that he made to me and everyone else on board that plane.  The truth is kindness does matter.  One of my pet peeves is when someone makes the disclaimer, "I tell it like it is."  Translation: "I don't care how I make you feel and I am likely going to say something rude."

This morning I read an article on fastcompany.com that led me to a blog by Cap Watkins.  He is a web designer who moved to Oakland for work.  He wrote about his attempt to meet other web designers in the Bay Area and it came down to one person's kindness.  Great piece!

Cap's story is about networking.  It's also a story about making friends and taking a chance, but the root of the matter is networking.  Who wants to network with someone who is unkind?  No one does.  Networking, at it's essence, is a relationship between two people and when entering a relationship your interpersonal skills are a factor.  Ever hear the statement, your reputation precedes you?   People may hear about something you've done or something you've said, but when face-to-face with someone their true opinion of you will develop based on how you make them feel.

Are you committed to something so strongly that you are willing to make it synonymous with your name?  If not, try kindness and watch the doors begin to open.