Opportunity is the Optimist's Word for Choice

I believe in the concept that failure is a part of success.  You will never truly appreciate success and happiness unless you know the feeling of failure.  Some failures are hiccups and part of the learning curve while others are the product of grossly negligent decisions or malfeasance.  Nonetheless, neither of these results are permanent although some failures are more difficult to rebound from.

"It's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back that counts." ~ Zig Ziglar 

Failure is the easy part in the equation.  Finding the resilience to rebound is the tough part.  What drives someone to get back up?  Sometimes it seems easier to just lay there, breathing in the dirt, with your eyes closed hoping no one was looking.  But, inevitably, they were.  Why do we get back up?  It's hard and it's embarrassing.

I'm inspired by the idea that I have the potential to do something great in my life.  I'm not sure what that it yet, but it is imminent.  Perhaps I will see through my goal of becoming a personal trainer and helping others change their lives.  Perhaps I will create and run a business that will set the bar for corporate philanthropy.  Perhaps I will be a great father and model the right balance of love, acceptance and encouragement for my kids to change the world.  Greatness is personal and a superb motivator.

"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure." ~ Abraham Lincoln

That begs the question, are there great people or great just opportunities?  It seems to me that we all begin life the same way.  We all face somewhat similar choices throughout our early lives.  Where we differ is how well we reason through these choices, which is the primary factor in how far we fall.  But at the root of it all we are all human beings with the same opportunities.  Opportunity is the optimist's word for choice.

When you feel driven by greatness, in whatever form that may be, you begin to see every choice as an opportunity.  The people who become known as great have learned to make better choices and seize opportunities.  And, that is where life is truly lived, in the moments of personal greatness.  That's why we keep getting up.  That's why we brush ourselves off, spit the dirt out of our mouths and refocus our sights ahead.  Opportunities are much easier to see when you stand with your head held high, rather than laying in the dirt and defeated.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.  Because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." ~ Steve Jobs

Enthusiasm Itself is the Motivator

One of my favorite books is Enthusiasm Makes the Difference, by Norman Vincent Peale.  This was one of the first books I read on my journey to a positive attitude and better life.  What I found is there are really two benefits of acting with enthusiasm--external and internal.  The external benefits show up in how you deliver something you genuinely care about.  It's contagious and persuasive.  I've noticed that this past week while training a new employee.  My partner and I built our store from nothing and are so very proud of it.  I feel this passion coming through when I explain even the most mundane tasks and expectations to the new employee.  That is what makes the difference, isn't it?  Anyone can regurgitate information, but it takes a genuine and passionate interest in something to deliver it with enthusiasm.

"I truly believe that enthusiasm makes the difference between success and failure." ~ Norman Vincent Peale

The other side of the coin is the internal power of changing the way you live life.  Enthusiasm is the arch enemy of fear and worry.  It is an "intense and eager enjoyment or interest" in something, thus adopting an enthusiastic attitude drives out negative emotion.  

It can sometimes be tough to find positivity day after day when you're going through tough times.  The beauty of developing an enthusiastic attitude is that it causes you to view everything differently, but it starts with just one thing.  It's not about searching for something to feel happy about.  I know, firsthand, that during the darkest times it can be hard to find even a glimmer of light to feel grateful about.

"The men who do the most with their lives are those who approach human existence, its opportunities and problems, with a confident attitude and enthusiastic point of view." ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Living with enthusiasm is a way to completely change your perspective.  It becomes motivating.  Even in the darkest moments there is always something you enjoy.  Focus your enthusiasm on that one task.  I mean really focus your thoughts on this task and allow the keenness to develop.  The feeling will grow.  Rather than trying to change how you look at the things around you, which are likely a cause of the ill feelings, just pick one task you already enjoy and do it with intent.  Do you see the difference?  Enthusiasm will naturally flow and become the motivator.  It will precipitate the change you need. 

Your life is not meant to be lived in mediocrity.  It's meant to be lived with emphatic exuberance.  When you find enthusiasm you find motivation.

What Gives Me the Right?

Do you ever wonder whether you deserve to be as happy as you want to be?  I do.  My problem is that I judge whether my past choices and mistakes earn me the right to be happy now.  What gives me the right?  Have I earned it?  I know I'm not alone here...

"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends." ~ Walt Whitman

This may sound ridiculous to some people, but I believe that's just because the topic is happiness.  Think about it in other terms such as praise.  Have you ever received praise and just didn't feel you deserved it?  If so, what makes this different?  The difference is who bestows the recognition.  When someone else praises us, tells us we did a great job or are a great employee, we might blush and say we don't deserve it, but it feels good and we accept it.  Odds are we'll probably share it with someone later, too.  Someone else looked at us and made a determination that we deserved to feel good about ourselves.  That's the whole point of them sharing this praise.  They saw something good in us and made the decision to point it out.  Now, admit it...it felt great, didn't it?

What do you see when you look in the mirror?  Take a look and try to see the person looking back at you objectively.  Do you see mistakes and failures?  Yes.  Do you see struggle and conflict?  Sometimes.  Do you see good intentions and genuine potential?  Absolutely!  Despite all this, could you find something wonderful to say to the person you see?  Good.

We are our fiercest critics in life, aren't we?  In fact, I believe we are our biggest impediments in life, too.  We constantly get in out own way because we somehow feel the need to tie our happiness and success to an interpretation of what we feel we deserve.

"We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have." ~ James R. Ball

To break free of this practice we must first remove any such weight from our intentions and potential as well as our mistakes.  The burden of trying to legitimize our happiness falls not on finding reasons we don't deserve to be happy but rather recognizing the plethora of reasons we have the right to be happy.  No matter what your religion the fact remains that every single day we see a sunrise or sunset, smell a flower, hear someone laugh, taste our favorite food or feel an embrace is an absolute miracle.  We live a miracle every single day and the only way to appreciate a miracle is to smile and give thanks.  Try being unhappy with that mindset!

What gives me the right to be happy?  What gives me the right NOT to be happy?

Change is Choice

"We have the ability to change our minds at any given moment.  Why would it be any different to change our lives?" ~ Jason Huntsinger

It seems to me that in life we set out on this path and somewhere along the line we make a choice that takes us in a different direction.  This isn't always bad, and in fact it can be an absolutely wonderful thing.  Adapting to changing situations is a admirable trait that will add to a more joyful life.  But sometimes a choice leads us off in the wrong direction.  We may not know it at the time but we start to build momentum in this direction.  Gravity takes over.  We begin to make choices that compound on one another and build more momentum, making it seem almost impossible to stop.  One choice after another.

It's true in all aspects of life and business.  Think about it for a second.  This is how people start smoking, gain weight, do drugs, lie, cheat or even cut corners.  The first choice is the hardest because it is outside our normal behavior but the subsequent choices become easier because we build momentum.  Until we choose to change paths we only get farther and farther from the life we truly want.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." ~ George Eliot

We make choices all day, every day.  We can change our minds about any of those choices, too.  I want to this instead.  I want that for dinner.  My quote at the top of the page asks a simple question - why would it be any different to change our lives?  It's not!  Our current position is merely the culmination of our choices to this point...nothing more.  There is nothing preventing us from making a different choice right now to get the on the life track we want to be on.  Sure it might take some effort because it requires change.  It requires jumping off the path of least resistance with confidence so we can hold our heads up and see the right path.

Are you in the shape you want to be in?  Are you in the line of work you really want?  Do you eat healthy?  Are you known for being kind and helpful?  There are so many choices to make every single day, but it is never too late to make that first one today.

Think back to the choice that set you on this path and now look back at the second paragraph for a moment.  Just like when we started heading down this path in life, the first choice was the hardest because it was outside our normal behavior.  Change is choice.  The choice we need to make to get back on track is the hardest.  Beyond that first choice we will begin to build momentum in a new direction.  We'll define new goals and find a new routine to meet those goals.  One choice leads to two and they compound.

It truly is never too late to be who you want, do what you want, or become what you want.  This is no ones life but your own.  

Finding Action in Passivity

I'm a little intrigued by the idea of action versus passivity.  Even the word--passivity--seems so pliable to me.  In my mind it conjures up images of a leaf fluttering through the air, slave to a gentle breeze without control of where it may land.  I have long thought of the idea of passivity as synonymous with being void of any driving motivation.  A state in which someone simply succumbs to any pressure or influence.  A state in which some one's very existence is decided by someone or something else.  Yes, I've had pretty harsh thoughts about it.

As such, I've felt conflicted between the life concepts of taking action and going with the flow.  In a previous post I wrote about this and the locus of control.  Perhaps I tend to think in terms of all or nothing.  I'm here to admit there is a flaw in my thought process and the two need not be mutually exclusive.  Action can, and does, exist in passivity.  I've heard two comments recently that precipitate this entry...

"I hope to enjoy what's left of my life."

"I'm just trying to get through the day." 

Both of these statements initially struck me as sad.  They seemed to explain a sadness and loss of control.  I pictured the people who said these as simply lost and unsure whether they had a say in where their lives were headed.  Passivity.  But, action can, and does, exist in passivity.

Passivity is "being the subject of action rather than causing action" (Dictionary.com).  Think of it like this.  A stone that becomes swept up in a stream's current has no say in the direction it moves, but it becomes active in movement rolling and bashing into everything in its way.  A rolling stone gathers no moss.  Action.  A flag that flies in the wind has no say in the direction is flies, but it stands proudly at attention and flaps violently.  Flags are designed to display their significance when in full flight.  Action.

Your life, your surroundings, your situation or the people around you may have some say in the direction you travel, which may cause you to feel passive, but they have no control over the deliberateness of your movement in that direction.

"Things turn our best for those who make the best of the way things turn out." ~ John Wooden  

Passivity merely describes your resistance to the influence and not your ability to take control of the opportunity for excellence before you.  We may not all have the exact same opportunity for greatness but greatness is completely subjective.  Absolutely nothing prevents us from taking action to be great in whatever we choose to do along this path in life.  Be the rock in the river, roll with intent and smash into your obstacles.  Be the flag in the wind, fly proud and flap harder and faster than any other.  Be you, live with intent and pride, and be the absolute best you possible.

Action.  Passivity.  Opportunities.  Choices.  Life is a wonderful mix of them all.

Branding of a Personal Kind

"The intentions of your entire life may become overshadowed by your actions in the next 5 minutes." ~ Jason Huntsinger

I'm becoming more and more interested in the concept of personal branding.  Perhaps it's a sign of the times that we need to develop and manage our brand because we live our lives online.  The ease in which we document our daily activities creates a trail of digital permanency, good or bad, that may never go away.

Think about that quote above for a moment and ponder this: If you don't create a brand to tell your story then who will?  Why take a passive role in this process?

There are two key issues in developing and maintaining your personal brand.  First, is that the brand or image you're creating must be legitimate.  Certainly there is room for interpretation here, but you cannot create an online image of something you're not.  This invalidates your word and brand immediately.  When I say there is room for interpretation I mean we all have our own perceptions of the situations and circumstances in our lives.  The old adage "don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes."  You are the only one who knows the true and intimate details of your motivations and intentions.  Hence the need to tell your own story rather than let someone else do it.

The second key issue is consistency.  One of the reasons to brand or re-brand yourself is to tell the story of you.  That story is not defined by a single act yet that one act may step to the front of the stage in the brightest spotlight.  Once you draw attention to the entire story of YOU it becomes vitally important to be consistent in that story.  This takes being smart.  You can't purport to be one type of person and then act in a manner contrary to this.  The intentions of your entire life may become overshadowed by your actions in the next 5 minutes.  That warning is always there and never lets up.  And that's true of the life you live online or offline.  This also goes back to the legitimacy of the brand you're creating.  If it is a facade it will become apparent with your actions.  You can't keep living a lie nor can you build a foundation based on lies.

Here is the good news... It is never too late to begin this process.  Sure, it might be a steeper climb to get out of the hole you've dug, but, "it is never too late to be what you might have been" (George Eliot).  I love that quote.  Life is fluid and ever-changing.  If you can accept responsibility for your past choices and accept yourself for the potential you truly possess, it truly is never too late to create your brand and tell your story, write your story and design the life of your dreams.

Try Kindness

Recently, on a return flight from Las Vegas to Missoula, I had the pleasure of meeting a male flight attendant named Dante.  I tend to watch people when traveling and noticed something about Dante.  He smiled often and was consistently courteous.  Then I noticed something else.  His name tag had a tag line: "Committed to Kindness".  I immediately thought of Maya Angelou's quote.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

What a wonderfully bold tag line to add to a name tag.  In my eyes it made his name synonymous with this declaration.  A vow that he made to me and everyone else on board that plane.  The truth is kindness does matter.  One of my pet peeves is when someone makes the disclaimer, "I tell it like it is."  Translation: "I don't care how I make you feel and I am likely going to say something rude."

This morning I read an article on fastcompany.com that led me to a blog by Cap Watkins.  He is a web designer who moved to Oakland for work.  He wrote about his attempt to meet other web designers in the Bay Area and it came down to one person's kindness.  Great piece!

Cap's story is about networking.  It's also a story about making friends and taking a chance, but the root of the matter is networking.  Who wants to network with someone who is unkind?  No one does.  Networking, at it's essence, is a relationship between two people and when entering a relationship your interpersonal skills are a factor.  Ever hear the statement, your reputation precedes you?   People may hear about something you've done or something you've said, but when face-to-face with someone their true opinion of you will develop based on how you make them feel.

Are you committed to something so strongly that you are willing to make it synonymous with your name?  If not, try kindness and watch the doors begin to open.