Checking the Lost and Found

It's been a minute, huh?

Looking back over this blog, I see a stark absence of posts in 2018 and 2019. Hmm... It's not that I've lost interest in writing or sharing my thoughts (although, to be honest, I write solely to see my thoughts in a linear, focused format), it's that my life has changed in such a dramatic way and it continues to evolve.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ~ Oscar Wilde

I've written about changing life before so the idea is nothing new for me to consider. In fact, one of my favorite posts is about adapting to change versus igniting your own change. This last year was about reflecting on what really drives me. It was about looking into my soul to find my purpose again. To be honest, it was an emotional and difficult exploration. I guess I had a lot more shit stored in there than I thought! I found ideas and dreams I had forgotten about, so I applied to law school and, low and behold, I was accepted! It was as if I found remnants of paths I had previously taken that, in hindsight, didn't really line up with where I want to be. I withdrew from law school to be back in Arizona with my wife and that sent me on another journey to find my purpose again. It felt a little like rummaging through the lost and found. Do you remember that box full of forgotten sweatshirts, misplaced water bottles, and the one lonely glove? It's the place where we find the things we had forgotten about. Perhaps I could find my purpose again hiding in there?

Yet, as I got closer to my 49th birthday, I found it impossible not to look back and reflect on my entire journey. I can honestly say that I am happy. That's an understatement. I'm happier than I imagined I could ever be again. I am inexplicably blessed to be married to my best friend, and the most loving and beautiful woman I have ever known. So, in that sense, my love quotient is full. Our hearts, minds and adventurous spirits are synchronous with one another. But happiness is not synonymous with or a substitute for purpose.

Perhaps the confidence I have in our love is what allowed me the opportunity to rummage through my soul without fear of judgment. For my own mental health, I needed to find my purpose and I believed I could find it hidden deep inside. It had to be in my lost and found. I had it once, but I seem to have misplaced it so surely I could find it again. Come to find out, it wasn't in the lost and found at all. My purpose isn't attached to some aspect of my past journey and it's not some nuance of life I need to redo; it's something I get to create today. Just as I got to create it twenty years ago.

"The purpose of life is not to be happy--but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all." ~ Leo Rosten

If one thing is consistent in my self-reflection it's that failure plays a key role to my identity today. I would like that sentence to have read "failure played a key role" but in reality there are collateral effects that have taken some time to see and even some that continue to show themselves. Failure can be more than a single act from which we learn a specific lesson. It feels like a recurring antagonist to my journey. It's like some persistent hinderance to progress which ultimately becomes an obstacle to my purpose... or, maybe not.

I recently had a conversation with a physician who is experiencing a significant, career-ending failure. He is at the point in this part of the journey where he can't even conceive an image of his future. This is a scary place to be. During our conversation he was essentially calling bullshit on the idea that he could exercise his way to a better mindset because he was losing the one thing that is the root of his purpose: to help people heal. So, after much discussion, and listening to his theory that life will never be the same, it became evident the only thing that will change is the manner in which he helps people heal. If purpose is his paint brush then only the picture will change. He will still create with the same technique and tools.

Maybe purpose isn't really some characteristic that waxes and wanes throughout life. Perhaps it's more an issue of how we see the way our purpose creates the story.  It's never absent but it's also not necessarily a trait that just exists without some continual reevaluation. It's like looking at a road map between San Diego and Boston just one time, and then setting out to drive without ever reassessing or tracking your trajectory.

"One of my greatest fears is that my dreams have somehow lost their purpose. That my ability to create a story of value in the world is over. That, to the world, I'm no longer relevant. As if, somehow, I'm already dead but I just don't know it. But here's the thing: I can still feel my heart beating." ~ me

Happiness and purpose share an important and common trait: we have complete control over them. My fears of purposeful relevance are just a construct that I've created based on my perception of age, outside opinion and judgment. It's a defeatist summation based on the forlorn conclusion by comparing my current position in life and some previously conceived idea. It's similar to feeling as if I am a failure as a 50 year old man because I cannot dunk a basketball as I did 35 years ago. My expectation is incongruous with my situation, but in no way does this equate to a failure. Stop searching the lost and found for your idea of purpose, and happiness for the matter. Instead, conceive it in the present. The roadmap to your personal happiness and purpose leads forward from this starting point, not back to a former point in time.

We See What We Want To See

This piece, like every blog, is purely a collection of words that I've arranged to describe a thought. I can try my best to communicate emotion through these words but, alas, they are just words. Nevertheless, the reader (you) will interpret these words and their context exactly as you want to see them. Your perspective is based on your own attitude towards this abstraction as you interpret these words looking for emotion, meaning and undertones. We see what we want to see.

"Songs are as sad as the listener." ~ J.S. Foer

Think about this quote, and recall one of your favorite songs. Recall the place where you stood in life when you heard the words, or, more importantly, when the words took meaning for you. Your attitude completely affected the meaning and influenced your perspective. But, obviously, not everyone sees the same meaning; we see what we want to see.

This idea is applicable to many parts of life. Whether listening to a song, reading an article, hearing a story or even in our daily interactions, we are always influenced by our own attitude and perception. I believe that once our initial opinion of the artist, author, narrator or person is corroborated by our attitude it forges a longer-term assumption that, intentionally or not, influences our future interactions. We see what we want to see.

My narrative thus far has focused on the self-regarding manner in which we view the world. It paints a picture of control on our part and, as beneficiaries of our perception, how we interpret the world. But for every action, such as the judgment and opinion we cast into the world, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Someone else is judging you right now.

"...it would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and draws all sorts of conclusions." ~ Malcolm Gladwell 

When I shift my thought process from one of casting judgment outward to the impact and influence of being judged, it reminds me of the Golem effect. I can remember exactly where I was the first time I heard this term because it has resonated with me ever since. In summary, it is a concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy whereby placing a judgment of low expectations on someone effectively lowers his performance.

This theory is most clearly relevant in closer relationships and interactions: the parent-child, teacher-student or manager-employee relationship, to be specific. But what if the ramifications of the Golem effect profoundly and silently impact your ability to interact or communicate with the rest of the world? Is there such a thing as a societal Golem effect? Of course! Individuals in various classes of life commonly assess a negative expectation onto others whether because of federally-protected criteria such as race, color, gender, religion, ancestry, age, veteran status or disability, but also political affiliation, income, location or criminal history.

The societal Golem effect causes your harmony with society to be out of balance. The spoken and unspoken agreements you make with others in daily interactions become meaningless and the words you offer, regardless of whether they are intended to support or encourage, become subject to the attitudinal perceptions mentioned above. How can we interact with one another in a harmonious bond if our primary means of communication is null of the meaning we give it and imbued with the attitude of its recipient?

"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words." ~ Rumi

Clearly, any time we directly violate trust or create a misunderstanding in the interpersonal relationships you hold close it may influence the agreements and attitudes of both parties. If you lie to someone they don't quickly forgive or forget. But remember, the Golem effect is a facet of the self-fulfilling prophecy, which means if your interpersonal interactions cause you to cast irreparable negative influences upon yourself, it is just as oppressive as interacting with someone who treats you in a derogatory manner. At some point in life, when these attitudes outweigh any possibility of positive communication and your relationship shifts from harmony to dissonance it is time to terminate the association. Your life deserves positive influences and people who fill you with positive expectations. You deserve hope. You can never start a new day, with a new mindset, if you are consistently judged by the empty expectations of yesterday. We see what we want to see, so make it something positive. Your soul will thank you.

"Simply put, you cannot live a happy life with the weight of negative expectations." ~ me

Losing Our First Hero

"Hero: a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities."

I've been fortunate enough lately to have some wonderfully deep conversations about failure.  As I write that sentence it sounds paradoxical.  The concepts of wonderful and failure rarely wind up connected in thought, but it's true.  They've been wonderfully deep because they have provoked introspection and self-analysis.  Specifically, they've inspired me to investigate and validate the contrasting claim I make whenever I recollect my failures: But, that's not who I am.  

It can be difficult to recall our failures.  Sometimes it can be deeply painful, other times it can be brutally shameful.  In my life the pain I feel when recalling my failures feels as though I single-handedly destroyed the lens through which the world sees me.  It's rather inevitable to feel this way when our private story becomes our public image.

Now perhaps you subscribe to the thought that our public image is far less concerning than how we feel about ourselves.  I agree.  The way that we feel about ourselves is indeed the most important opinion of all but I argue it's largely affected by both our private story and our public image.  In many ways, as we grow up we begin to see our potential and we see ourselves as our own first emerging hero.  But the possibility exists that suffering failure in life can feel like losing our first hero.  It can feel like the mirror's reflection is now the contradiction of who we believe ourselves to be.  The self-reflective statement, "But, that's not who I am," either introduces our efforts at being vulnerable or becomes a post-oration renunciation.  It becomes an exception to who we are in their world.  

"Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed." ~ Peter S. Beagle

Our lives are journeys of building and growth which lead to achievement and success.  But does achievement alone really qualify someone to be a hero?  Doesn't the path upon which we travel matter? At some point the effort to grow must battle and triumph the obstacles of growth.  Life is, at times, a test of fortitude, whereby the path of least resistance is not the precursor to life's greatest achievements.  Heroes are made in the moments that require the greatest summons.

I get caught up in the notion that I am what I've done.  The flaw in that mentality is that since life is a changeable journey there is absolutely zero validity in benchmarking our worth from a single moment.  To be a hero, even our own hero, the totality of our efforts should be evaluated.  Moments become hours, which become days and then months and years.  Each one of those moments is an opportunity to make a different choice.  Whether our failures come from miscalculation or malfeasance, the very next moment is a call to change.  Heroism is not just some great and commendable action in the face of danger benefiting someone else; it can also be picking ourselves up by our own bootstraps in our greatest times of need.

My mind shift has come with dropping the idea that my failure was like losing my first hero, but rather gaining the perspective that this failure was the necessary opportunity to test the strength of my hero -- me.  I am my own hero in life.  The image I possess of myself in my mind is the figure to whom I strive to be more like.  He is the man, father and partner I strive to be.  He is the one I seek validation from and who I work to satisfy.

"If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes." ~ Mark Twain

   

This is Your Story to Write

I'm finally sitting down to write about some thoughts that have been swirling around my mind for the past few months.  I've whittled it down to a combination of thoughts surrounding the characters in our lives, how they attempt to influence our experiences and the ultimate belief that they're simply our stories to write.

"With every passing day, we add a page to our personal story, an illustrative script that casts our character shaped by an implacable external environment and fashioned by our supple state of inwardness." ~ Kilroy J. Oldster

This is an obvious topic, surely, and perhaps one that needn't even be written about.  Just more fodder to cultivate a positive mindset, maybe?  But what I've been working to wrap my mind around is the idea that we all have some central theme we're working towards, writing our stories, and we have both protagonists and antagonists at work throughout.  The key point to understand is that we can take something away from both of them.

You would think the presence of these characters in our stories would be easy to spot; diametrically opposed characters in a tug of war for our attention.  But sadly, they are sometimes not.  Perhaps the difficulty arises from an idea that our stories are works in progress, not yet set in ink on the pages we call our days.  And, so perhaps an irresistible companion to life's fluidity defense is the idea that our protagonists and antagonists work to lure us along in their developing stories also.  They, too, are on their own journeys writing their tales, but the moment their lives intersect ours it becomes an allegory to us.

"When you realize the influence in your life is the work of craftsmen, it becomes imperative to your existence to break free of their stories and write your own." ~ me

The protagonists and antagonists influence us by casting upon us some pretense, or ulterior objective, but I argue they might not be the ways we expect.  This isn't meant to sound skeptical of everything and everyone, but more just to cause awareness.  It's important to be aware that influence and the underlying pretense detract from our stories.  The stories we pen for ourselves flow from our own minds, befouled or purified by our experiences, into and through our hearts before finding their way down through our hands to the pens we hold.  These are our stories to write.  So I say, fear the protagonists but love the antagonists!

The protagonists, who we expect to be ourselves, are more often others who purport to help us along in the direction that we suggest we'd like to go.  Bear in mind this is a work in progress for us so the character development (i.e. us) is also a work in progress.  For this arrangement to work, we must always retain control of the pen.  It's far too easy to relinquish control of the very tool used to scribe this life to someone who seems to have a better idea of the path to take.  The day-to-day experiences coupled with the mindset and purpose we weave together can only come from us.  True, others have forged seemingly similar paths on their way to achievement but it's actually as close to impossible as it gets that these folks started at the exact same point and position in life, faced the same challenges and opportunities, made the same preceding choices and continued at the same pace.  We are all miracles that began before our parents even met, so the reality exists that every step in this process is as uniquely individualized as we are.  Never relinquish control of the pen and approach with caution the ones who want to show us an easier way!!!

"He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." ~ Edmund Burke

The antagonists, on the other hand, are rather easy to identify but we sometimes fail to recognize the role they play.  By the very definition of an antagonist, we're prepared to meet hostility so the human reaction is likely fight or flight.  Fight or defend at all costs; flight or abandon the effort.  But, I say view the antagonists merely as analysts of our plans.  The fight or flight mentality suggests imagery of a confrontation whereby some thing is at risk of loss.  Yet, let's agree on the fluidity aspect of this work in progress.  Criticism from antagonists is an opportunity to test the validity and logic of our themes.  The protagonists won't offer this anti-advocate point of view.  While we might believe this fight or flight mentality would best prepare us for the critical inspections of the antagonists, it's actually a fallacious predisposition.  There is no thing to protect or flee.  There is nothing other than our next reaction to the world that matters when we pen our story.  Absorb the insight from the antagonists once you uncloak the seed of positivity.  It's always hidden in there!!!

The characters at play in our stories are as vital to the development as the environment itself.  But again, the stories we write are our own individual accounts of triumph and tragedy.  And at the end of the story, there is just one name attesting to the truth contained within...yours!  This is your story to write.

Looking Through the Miraculous Lens

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm leading with a strong quote today from a wild-haired theoretical physicist.  From the moment I read this quote it became one of my favorites.  One mind and two eyes, but two views.  Two mindsets.  Two lenses through which to view life.  Two lenses to view absolutely everything.

There are so many analogies and parallels to draw on at this point, but let's talk about kites.

It's a topic that has surfaced in my life recently for a special reason.  It's something so seemingly mundane to discuss but that's the exact point of this.  One man's mundaneness is another man's opportunity to look through the miraculous lens.

As a kid I viewed a kite as a toy, purchased at the toy or corner drug store.  It was a simple configuration rolled into a clear plastic bag.  Upon further inspection I always found it contained usually hollow plastic rods, a diamond-shaped plastic skin to be stretched and the tethering string.  Simple.  Seemed to be void of much thought.  All the makings of a mundane experience.

Flying a kite as a kid is more often a test in patience and persistence, than an exhilarating experience. We hold the string tightly to control the kite's flight, raise our arms minimally to instigate lift and hope for the best.  More often than not our control forces it to nosedive into the ground.  Do you see the view through the lens that nothing is a miracle?

Switch to the Miraculous Lens

Kites have had a bum rap.  They've been characterized as directionless, controllable and uncomplicated.  What if that was entirely wrong?  What if the beauty and miracle of a kite is that it rises against the forces of nature?  What if the complexity of the engineering is meant to appear simple in design?

In contrast to my childhood thoughts on kites, I see them differently now.  I see the the wonder of flight.  I see effort and strength.  I see the beauty of accomplishment in rising.

Looking through the lens that everything is a miracle I see that kites are truly a work of art, more than 2000 years old, complex in concept and simple in design.  The materials or characteristics of design, while seemingly weightless and fragile in their own right, combine to form the proper structure to endure the winds of the earth.  Their skin fills with just enough air to rise, relying on the internal frame for just enough support, to create a harmonious existence amongst the stars.  And the string we believe tethers this kite does no such thing.  The kite seeks not to be tethered and that's why, as children, we force it to nosedive.  The kite is pulling us, not fighting us.  The kite, in true optimistic form, wants nothing more than to fly and bring us along, too.

"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it." ~ Winston Churchill

I realize this is perhaps a bit obscure.  But, how does it translate to life and the people in our lives?  How can we see this as an example that limiting our mindset and viewing life as though nothing is a miracle affects our ability to appreciate the people in our lives?

Let's just take it one person at a time.  When you meet that one person in your life who displays characteristics similar to a kite appreciate them.  They are a miracle.  See their desire to rise and grow; recognize the complexity of their soul and the simplicity of their spirit; understand the vulnerability and strength necessary to set themselves against the backdrop of the open sky and take flight; grasp the concept that should you recognize and support their journey they want to bring you to them, not resist your tether.

Yes, kites have had a bum rap, but I sure do love them ;)

"Kites seek not to be tethered, flowers seek not to be picked, and birds seek not to be caged.  When you harness the beautiful things in life you remove their ability to be beautiful." ~ Jason Huntsinger

Choose Your Brush Wisely

While driving home from St. George, Utah, last May, I caught my reflection in the rear view mirror, and for just a split second I didn't recognize the eyes looking back.  Through all my years I've always recognized the eyes of the man looking back at me in the mirror, even when the face changed a bit, but this time he looked different.  He was older.  He was weathered.  He was disappointed.  His eyes didn't shine like they usually do.  His eyes used to squint in laughter but that day they leaked in pain.  I'm 46 now, perhaps half way through life, so maybe it's a good time to figure out: What does happiness look like?  

"Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story." ~ Leo Tolstoy

We convincingly tell ourselves stories about why we're unhappy or why we can't be happy in this circumstance or that, yet how often do we convince ourselves that it's all perfectly fine?  It's perfectly acceptable, and I'll argue it's even healthy, to be in an undesirable situation and find moments of happiness.  I'm not suggesting hysterically laughing during a divorce proceeding but certainly there is some seed of happiness in another part of that same day.  And that is the point here...we characterize entire sections of our lives with pain but mere moments with happiness.  Countless times I've convinced myself that my unhappiness is deserved.  I've allowed this mindset to dilute my appreciation of everything around me.  Beauty washed out by my own thoughts.

"We have a tendency to paint unhappiness in our lives with a broad brush overextending the relevancy of the circumstance; yet we paint happiness with a fine tip brush carefully staying with the constraints of the moment.  Wouldn't you agree it's time to switch brushes?" ~ me 

We are all on a journey to find ourselves, better ourselves, make peace or be happy.  Literally, if we're not working towards some personal development goal then we are working to overcome some failure.    We're either content or discontented.  Over the last several years I've experienced both feelings and characterized my life as a work in progress.  Characterized an entire segment of my life with this broad brush!  I've searched outside myself for happiness and convinced myself I'm struggling to get some traction.  I've used that phrase quite a bit...trying to get some traction.  I've said I'm waiting for these ideas and plans ruminating inside my head to finally take shape.  Trying to get some traction is the phrase I've used as an excuse to explain where I am at this point in life and why I'm there.  I'm trying to get some traction on finding happy.

What does happiness look like?

We attempt to pinpoint, using the fine tip brush, happiness to a specific moment, yet we fail to understand the appreciation of that moment is only possible if we are happy.  Happiness is not the moment but rather the state surrounding this moment.  We needed a broad fanning brush of happiness swept across the entire situation--leading into, during and transitioning out of--to recognize this moment.  In this respect, happiness is difficult to quantify but it's easy to feel.  Happiness is the perfect harmony between mindset and moment.  It's an allowance to appreciate and partake in pleasures that encourage you to smile, laugh, feel and dream.  But here is the absolute kicker...you will never know happiness without also knowing discontent.  It's the same concept that recognizing the true beauty of the stars is only possible in darkness.

"Happiness is the perfect harmony of mindset and moment." ~ me

In reality, you cannot insulate yourself solely from either aspect of your journey.  You cannot guard against sorrow while being open to joy.  Opening your mind, body and soul to the prospect of true happiness also opens the door to the possibility of pain.  Experience them both and don't try to control that.  What you can control is which brush you choose to swipe across the canvas of life.  Choose the broad brush generously to paint happiness across your life; use the fine tip brush carefully, staying completely with the lines, to recognize the delineation of this moment in contrast to what your life truly is...HAPPY.

Thoughts on Being All In

I attended my son's high school basketball game yesterday.  Sitting behind his team's bench I was privy to the bench conversations, huddle strategics and court side direction.  It was all so very supportive and intentional...a positive experience for the boys and as a spectator.  And then, while watching the team finish a :30 second huddle and head back onto the floor, I overheard their exclamatory mantra: ALL IN!!!

"You can't do passion halfway. Living your passion means you're all in. You trust your heart and trust your gut wherever that takes you." ~ Joe Plumeri

I expected them to chant DEFENSE or SPARTANS or some other generic rah, rah go team phrase.  But ALL IN is a phrase that's been on my mind a lot lately.  It's also been on my fingertips and the tip of my tongue as I write and talk about my life.  So, being exactly who I am, I started thinking about what that means to me.  The first place I went was to my son.  I asked him why they chant ALL IN and he replied, "I don't know. They just told us to at the beginning so we do."  Ok, that was no help!

ALL IN: They're two very short words and, seemingly, quite generic.  But the first impression is that this signifies a commitment.  Bear in mind that I'm speaking from the point of view of how I use that phrase in life rather than how a basketball spectator uses it to watch the game.

Following the game I drove two hours back home and that phrase just kept popping into my head.  ALL IN is more than just an utterance of commitment.  It's not a generic chant, but rather a bold exclamation.  The ALL of this phrase states every ounce of your being--including your body, mind, spirit, heart and soul--is involved in this.

As the quote above suggests, it's a passion, an impetus towards something great.  That distinction separates this experience from a commitment.  With a commitment you have made a choice.  You've deliberated the pros and cons, and found greater value in the benefits than the impact of the detriments, and that is the point.  With a commitment some part of you retains hesitation and caution is born.  I believe to proclaim the word ALL, with absolute sincerity, is to describe yourself wholly.

The IN of this phrase suggests inclusion; an offering to participate.  Seeking inclusion to participate in an activity or event is preceded by an agreement.  "I understand the situation and I'd like to participate."

"There's no where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be..." ~ John Lennon

So what, exactly, makes ALL IN different?  Why am I writing about this?  It's because being ALL IN is not a choice.  There is no deliberation or qualification to join.  There is no asking for guidance prior.  It's literally surrendering to the magnetic impulses of your soul, not by succumbing to force or coercion, but by creating intentions for your journey and letting go.  It's simply an understanding that every part of you is every part of this, without question and without reservation.  It's ALL IN.

Thoughts on Walking Home

I'm in Florida and wrapping up a two-week training program for work.  It's January, the weather is amazing, I'm running every day and I'm inspired.  My inspiration lied dormant for a bit and, sadly, so did my appreciation for some of the little things in life...until today.  While on my run I witnessed something so simple but so beautiful.  It made me slow to a walk and smile.  It affected me so instantly that my first reaction was an impulse to approach these two people and express my veneration.  What, you might now wonder, could make me react this way and sit down to write about it?  I witnessed a father greet his middle-school-aged son getting off the school bus.

"We are all just walking each other home." ~ Ram Dass

I've known of this quote for a while and it resonated with me the first time I read it.  There was something about the imagery it conjured up for me.  And, truthfully, today when I witnessed the father and son greeting my recollection of this quote is what stopped me.

The son disembarked the school bus and walked directly towards his father, who was also walking to anticipate the meeting.  When they reached each other the father wrapped his arms around his son and the two shared a gentle laugh.  Then they exchanged a few words, the father wrapped one arm around his son's shoulder and they walked back towards their home.

All I did was witness a simple, likely daily, interaction between a father and his son, and now I just walked along smiling like an idiot!!  So your next question is probably, "What is wrong with this guy?" The answer to that question is either everything or nothing...check back later.  But to remain on point, the impactful moment for me was the greeting and walk home, and that got me thinking.

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens

Looking back at the quote above, the obvious point when I first read this was that we are all just walking.  Doesn't that summon imagery of a quasi-pilgrimage?  Depending where you and your mindset are in life it may paint a picture of a head-down shuffle almost as if drawn to a destination.  But, somehow this show of father and son affection painted a completely different picture for me.  The walk is actually a journey and the point of this is not that we are walking, but that we are walking each other.

This life is far less about making the journey than it is about making it with someone, adding value to their journey, sometimes only sharing the sounds of your breath and other times a laugh.  Taking this journey together is giving yourself to someone.  It shifts your focus away from egocentrism and more toward creating an altruistic purpose in the world.  The ending remains the same, in that we all reach home, but the journey becomes built with intention.  This was simply a father and son meeting after school and walking home.  In some households this task my be referred to as, "I have to go get the kids," but in other households this is seen as an opportunity to walk each other home.

"The only thing we truly have in this world to give away is our love." ~ me

Thoughts on Watching Others Succeed

"Non nobis solum nati summum." ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

This phrase translates to "Not for ourselves alone are we born."  There is something about this phrase that just sticks with me and, oddly enough, makes me appreciate social media.  I think back to the first time I heard about Instagram and the criticism: Why do people care about the pictures you post?

I care...sometimes.  I care when I see your struggle, your discipline, your dedication and achievement.  As a result I subscribe to people who's journeys I care to see, the people within whom I see these traits.  I care because we are all in this together, yet we are all on our own journeys.  I care because you and I seem to have common interests.  I care because I've been in the bleachers of an Ironman finish, closing in on the midnight deadline and I've seen the pain in your face as you push through to cross the line.  With an empathetic and encouraging heart, I care because I know the voices in our heads are sometimes so convincing that they can't be ignored.  And social media is a great platform for this documentary of life and achievement.

I have often thought about two ideologies that seem to contradict one another.  The thought that no one has the power to cause us pain by criticizing us unless we let them and the other thought that our own words have the power to build or destroy.  These are contradictory to me because it's a play on the locus on control.  We either have the internal fortitude to shrug off negativity or we believe we have the power to alter someone's entire world with our utterances.  Is it in us or not?  Is it in them or not?  Is the struggle internal or external?  Are we our own hero or do we succumb to the antagonists of the world?  Maybe what's really most important is not whether others have some impact on our journey, but that to achieve a purposeful life we need to positively impact others.

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves." ~ Horace Mann 

My point of this thought is this: I believe there is no greater human experience than cheering for someone else to succeed.  I believe in great personal experiences, but to be human means to participate in humanity, and I believe we have an innate necessity to participate in the human achievement.  The voices spewing doubt in our heads, or outside our heads, are bullshit, and we all know that.  But the voices singing our praise are real, and we need to remember that.

I've been focusing my attention on the concept of vulnerability for a bit now.  The goal, any goal, of achievement is laying yourself on the line.  It's literally stepping forward to take on more.  It's a show of willingness to try and fail more than anything else.  As witnesses to this brave step forward we should have no other reaction that honest encouragement.

"I want to treat all of life like an Ironman finishing chute: on my feet, tears of joy in my eyes, fully engaged and cheering at the top of my lungs for those around me to succeed." ~ me

The Olympics are a fantastic demonstration of our willingness to support our fellow (wo)man.  But why should that support be any different than the support we give our training buddies, friends, neighbors, acquaintances or even perfect strangers?  I find incredible inspiration from the people I find and follow on Instagram.  Your journey is amazing and you are amazing.  Remember that.

The next time you scroll across someone's Instagram feed and see a photo of their alarm set for 4:00am with some sort of motivational message, or see a photo of their three hour trainer ride, or read some comment about how cold the pool is at 5:00am, remember they have faced the same doubts and challenges you do.  The difference is that they chose not to listen to the doubt, nor the critics.  They chose to put themselves on the line and share their journey.  That locus of control lives within them.  This is their journey so our only hope is that they hear our cheers just enough to push a little harder, hang on a little longer and reach a little farther.

Self...

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." ~ Rumi 

I've been alive now for 45 years and at this stage in my life there seems to be a fascinatingly common theme: Self.  I know that sounds arrogant or ego-centric, but hear me out.

I'm finding that self is a prefix to many of the attributes I work on daily: self-acknowledging, self-reliance, self-sufficiency, self-confidence, self-affirming, self-assurance, etc.  Developing confidence and even admiration in one's self is not arrogant; it's necessary to growth.  In the last 45 years there are a handful of things in this world that I can say I have great knowledge of...myself is not one.

"My past is everything I failed to be." ~ Fernando Pessoa

At times my self talk has included self-rejection, self-deprecation and self-loathing.  I've let my failures and successes define me on the daily, always putting myself behind what I accomplished or failed to accomplish.  I didn't know myself so I defined it by tasks.

The root of this misunderstanding is trust in myself.  I'd believed my worth was defined by what I had done rather than what I could do.  Trust is faith, while the opposing view is doubt.  When you begin to define yourself by doubt you lose sight of who are capable of being.  Regardless of whether I accomplished this or that, I am still worthy.  I am still on track.  I am still OK.  I am still me.

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I believe that no matter what path you've walked, stumbled or fallen down thus far you can always be true to yourself.  The clarity with which you see yourself now is the single most important factor to the clarity with which you will see your path.  Be true!  Once you begin to train your mind to attach self to positive and reflective traits you will begin to understand yourself and build upon your potential.  After all, your potential or the thought of tomorrow is the only thing you can work on today.  Yesterday is in the books so the effort right now is what shapes tomorrow.

Think self a little more and take pride in it.

Learning New Words

Social media is really a fascinating creature.  In one respect I've felt incredibly connected to people I have never met face-to-face yet with whom I share common interests, and in another I have never been more appalled at the sickening disrespect some people show from behind the keyboard.  That's life though, really.  Some people share triumphs and others share pain.  Some share positivity and others share dribble.  I choose to seek out and follow positivity and inspiration on social media...and in life.  I've found that life and even social media are teaching me things.  I'm learning new words.

"The words we say to ourselves can serve as elixir or venom, and only we can decide which.  Can you imagine a greater gift or a greater responsibility?" ~ Jason Huntsinger

I have always considered myself to be a positive and productive person.  I've accomplished some great things in my life and remained hopeful.  But my frame of reference has, in hindsight, been fairly narrow.  I've never travelled the world.  I've only been out of the United States twice barely outside the borders to the north and south.  Social media has broadened my perspective and the authors of the information and thoughts I follow inspire me.  I've seen photos of the most amazing places from points of view that were previously unimaginable.  I've read stories from fellow athletes about epic
adventures and races.  I've followed individuals through weight loss and watched them accomplish goals.  It's so utterly amazing and inspiring.

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled." ~ Plutarch 

I recall during my undergraduate studies reading a synopsis of Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat thinking how incredible it was to think school age kids in far-off lands had access to the same information highway that I did.  I was, again, narrowly focusing.  As if everyone in the world wanted to see what I could see and access the information that I could access.  I am now the one seeking to understand the beauty that so many of you live for and dream about.  What does it really feel like to stand on the face of a sheer cliff and look out at the sunrise?  How about swimming with turtles off the coast of Costa Rica?  What about envisioning a dream for yourself to win a race and then actually fulfilling that dream?  Simply amazing experiences that I can see through social media.  I'm learning new words through these experiences; Words I either failed to understand or failed to learn in all my 45 years on this earth.   These are some of the new words I've learned from you.

• Inspiration:  The many athletes who have achieved some goal or milestone and then share their recipe for success.  I've seen your struggles and read your ups and downs, and when you overcame the bumps in the road you inspired me to keep going, too.
• Dedication:  So many people rest in comfort zones because they are comfortable.  Yet, those of you who push yourselves to the next level of physical and mental toughness do so by dedicating yourself to your plan.  I get it. 
• Happiness:  Not one single person who has accomplished a goal as documented on social media has done so in a state of sadness or despair.  The motion of defining a goal and crafting a lifestyle to accomplish that goal begets happiness.  I see what it looks like to be happy in your faces.
• Compassion:  So many people I follow choose to devote part of themselves to some greater cause: challenged athletes, disabled veterans, orphaned children and animals just to name a few.  Life is bigger than me and now, and you continue to show me what it means to give of yourself. 
• Love:  This is more than the flippant phrase we throw around to describe how much we like a shirt.  I've seen people demonstrating unconditional love for others and themselves.  We are all dealing with our own struggles in life and social media has broadened my understanding of what it looks like to love one another.
• Success:  This is one topic I've found to be so arbitrary because it's completely subjective.  But that subjectivity is its beauty.  Whether you set the bar here or there, reaching your goal and realizing the effects of that accomplishment are truly successes.

"Good people bring out the good in people."

Social media gets a bum rap, I believe.  While some people enjoy sharing the adventures they encounter others may scoff at their perceived insecurity and need for attention.  Yet social media, like many things in this world, are exactly what we make of it.  If we choose to see the ugly in it we should not be surprised when it appears.  However, when we choose to see it as an opportunity to connect with people we see as mentors and examples of good we will not be disappointed when we begin to grow as people...and learn new words.

A Single Book of Matches

I'm spending the Christmas holiday in rural southern Indiana so I've had the opportunity to run the rolling country roads where acres separate homes rather than just steps.  Running = time to think.  While on my run yesterday I was listening to music and the song Pyro by Kings of Leon came on.  The first line caught my attention: A single book of matches gonna burn what's standing in the way.

There is something really powerful about that line.  It's akin to the phrase that a single match can burn an entire forest.  One small spark can have a massive impact.  But that's not always a bad thing.  What is my single book of matches?  At times it has been a personal struggle that burns away what I've built and worked for.  Yet, more often, it has been a relentless desire to achieve a goal that burns away obstacles.

"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it.  Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way." ~ Les Brown 

Life is all about choices.  We all face opportunities and obstacles, crossroads and open highways.  The beauty of choice, if we so choose to see it this way, is that a single book of matches can burn whatever is standing in the way.  We can turn a single idea into a passion.  We are the only ones who get to choose whether our book of matches is positive or negative.  When I have nurtured an idea to the point that I wake in the morning and can't wait to get out of bed to begin working on it, it seems as thought nothing could stand in my way.  My mind gets into a flow of overcoming obstacles and my momentum builds. My single book of matches is an idea sparked by motivation.  Conversely, when I've struggled in life I've allowed poor choices to build with similar momentum.

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

This really comes down to understanding the power we have over our minds and the ability to decide the mindset we bring to life, understanding that we can dictate the outcome of our lives one day at a time and understanding that, if we want to change, it is never too late to start right now.  Take an active role in your life and begin to see life in a positive manner.  Find your passion and develop a plan.  Make choices that build.  Ignite the flame in your soul that is bright enough to burn the obstacles in your way.

The Mindset of Regret

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

This is an interesting quote considering a 2014 study that reportedly shows mice exhibit regret as humans do.  Regret is a strong word to use and perhaps it's best to begin by defining my use of it here.  It is an emotion of sadness about a choice that has already been made.  It is different than mere disappointment; regret is repentance about a past decision.

Although the quote above suggests a missed opportunity, what I really want to discuss is how regret can become a paralyzing mindset.  Yes, paralyzing.  The recollection of a regretted decision can become the catalyst for self-doubt on a massive scale.  It's like finding a crack in the foundation of your life.  Even thought you've known it was there and you've built a magnificent life over it, the occasional observation of its presence casts a pall of gloom over everything.  This mindset is not necessarily a continual thought but when it arrives it is numbing.

The issue here--besides the obviousness of emotional paralysis--is that our lives are a journey of stepping stones we place.  When thoughts become a defeatist mindset of regret the path of the stones we lay goes askew.  If we fail to be cognizant of this effect then our mindset of regret becomes a limit we place upon ourselves, no matter how well we recover or build over it.  One single choice can have seemingly continuing collateral consequences both for you and those whose lives intersect with yours.  But, that is somewhat true and false of every decision whether regrettable or agreeable.  Our lives are fluid, rapidly evolving, and cannot follow a set path, nor can those lives around us.  So, the issue really becomes finding a way to avoid lamenting in our choices of the past and, ultimately, overcome this mindset.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future." ~ Steve Maraboli

I recently had a conversation with my future father-in-law about the work/family balance.  This is a man who has remained married to his high school sweetheart, raised two wonderful and successful children, provided well for his family and is now reaching retirement.  Yet, even in all his professional and familial success he finds moments of regret.  My point is that no one is immune to their mind creeping in.

I've come to understand there are two methods to prevent the mindset of regret.  First, is to understand the choice, once made, is immediately in the past.  As time continues to pass the collateral consequences become less and less linked to our choice because every element that we believe to be a collateral effect has the ability to remain fluid and correct itself.  No element is entirely parasitic and life is not completely linear thus an unanticipated trajectory needn't remain out of control.  The first method is to focus on the here-and-now, and what choices you can make now.

The second method is to consider the totality of it all.  All too often we take a single moment from life and try to define ourselves by it.  We tend to generalize our lives into one lifetime but the reality is we experience 10.5 million minutes in just the first twenty years of life and each is an opportunity to make a new choice.  Considering the totality of it all is finding a way to be kinder to ourselves and take pride in this life we live.  Every decision brought us to this moment and we can all find something special about it.

"Good or bad, right or wrong, the choices I make in my life are the brush strokes on the canvas of my lifetime.  I assure you--both critics and admirers--that the finished product of my life will be a work of art and will not disappoint." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

Losing Your Focus

"We've spent so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

For some unknown reason we all tend to judge one another.  Perhaps it offers us some solace to believe others have imperfections or character flaws when we feel most vulnerable.

We all have some notion of what the world should be and how everyone we meet should fit into that idea.  It's a massive template we lay over our world, our version of life, and our version of the constant battle between right and wrong.  When someone doesn't fit our plan or ideals we pass judgment on them.

Do we ever stop to realize that everyone we meet is doing the exact same to us?  The people we come across every day, both face-to-face and in this electronic world, are laying their own templates before them in an effort to navigate life.

To put it in the most simple of term, we are all on a personal journey on this mighty blue marble.  But, a journey to where?  It's a journey that somehow seems unfathomably long at the beginning yet painfully quick at the end.  A journey of intense elation and near unbearable heartbreak.  A journey that seems sinuous at times and undeviating at others.  A journey of falling down and getting back up.  We are all on a journey to become better versions of ourselves and attain some level of fulfillment.

It's a personal journey that lasts an entire lifetime.

"Imagine a life where people realized every minute they spent judging one another was one less minute they had to find their own true purpose. It is here now and all it takes is for us to start." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So, why in the world do we shift our focus from our own game plan to one of judgement towards others?  Others have lived and failed, stood tall and slumped, perhaps already faced their greatest challenge or are facing it right this moment.  And here we sit with our own life passing us by, even for just a second, while we shake our proverbial head at them.

We all have the ability to create the most amazing story ever lived; one day at a time, one step at a time and one breath at a time.  No where in this opportunity or along this journey is it acceptable to keep someone down with your judgement.  So I implore you, the next time you find yourself having negative, judgmental thoughts about someone remember every one's journey hits highs and lows, and realign your focus on creating a beautiful story.

"To love a man enough to help him, you have to forfeit the warm, self-righteous glow that comes from judging." ~ Ron Hall 

     

Certainty

In my last blog I touched on the idea that developing a "what-if" attitude could open the door to a positive mindset and help begin the journey to realizing your dreams.  As I re-read it this morning I stopped on a particular line:

"What if I was wrong about tomorrow?"

What interests me about this line is the absolute certainty with which I've believed in the negative moments of my life.  I've literally told myself, "I'll never make $100k a year," "I'll never have that one true loving relationship that I've imagined," and "I'll never become a professional athlete."  I was so certain and negative about my future because I was in a rough spot, but what if I was wrong about tomorrow?  Each one of those statements represents a dream or goal I've had and when I became certain about my inability to reach them I essentially conceded defeat.  

Conceding defeat with this type of clairvoyant certainty is a nail in your coffin; it's giving up on yourself.  This type of certainty comes once you knowingly decide to give up on your dream. When is the last time you spoke of a dream with positive certainty rather then wishful possibility?

"I act with complete certainty. But this certainty is my own." ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

To some extent, I believe in the law of attraction (conceive, believe, achieve).  Under this ideology it is impossible to achieve your dreams unless you believe in them...and yourself.  If you're certain they will never come to fruition then your certainty of failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Perhaps its time to flip the script you've created in your head?  Release the fingers wrapped around your neck choking the life from your future.  They're your fingers, my friend, no one else's.  Each finger is a negative statement about the certainty of your failure or inability, and the ramifications that today's failure voids tomorrow's dreams.  What if you are wrong about tomorrow?  What if you are on the brink of whatever it is you desire?  What harm would come to simply believe in yourself and deny the negative certainty that clouds you?  The answer is none.  It causes no harm...none.

"I like the scientific spirit--the holding off, the being sure but not too sure, the willingness to surrender ideas when the evidence is against them: this is ultimately fine--it always keeps the way beyond open--always gives life, thought, affection, the whole man the chance to try over again after a mistake--after a wrong guess." ~ Walt Whitman

Ask Yourself: What If?

I learned about a tactical mindset concept years ago in what seems like a different life...but the principles are applicable today as well. It's the idea that two mindsets exist: probability versus possibility. It's really somewhat rooted in statistics but it can literally set the tone for what you expect in your life.

On one hand, the idea of probability thinking tells you what to expect based on several factors, many of which are focused on the past. It's the idea that patterns of the past are pre-indicators to the future, which may very well be true if nothing is done to make a change. This type of thinking is safe for many people. It helps them to understand what will likely happen in the future. It's the framework for the status quo and, quite frankly, mediocrity.

On the other hand, possibility thinking is the discovery that the ceiling no longer exists. It's the idea that the future is unwritten, a blank slate as long as you possess the creativity and tenacity to pursue your dreams. It's shifting the focus to a mind-blowing realm of potential.

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon." ~ Paul Brandt

At a moment in my life when the future seemed bleak and uncertain, I met a friend who asked me, "What if you really don't know what the future will be?" Hmm, what if? What if I was wrong about tomorrow; what harm would it cause to believe in the possibility?  I hadn't drawn the connection between asking "what if" and the possibility mindset until recently but the application is spot on. Seeing the future, creating your path from here forward and finding your way begins with the phrase "What if?"

The application of this question is actually a wonderful entry point to a positive mindset. What harm would it cause to believe, even for just a moment, that you are on the brink of something truly great?  Of finally getting on the track to the life you've always dreamed of living?

"All things are possible until they are proven impossible." ~ Pearl S. Buck

I have a challenge for you. Ask yourself what it is you desire in your life and then ask, "What if...?" That's it, just start by asking that simple question and let your mind create the path. Purge all negative thoughts, block any objections and ask it. Use that phrase as a key to open your mind and flood it with the thoughts of what you'd hoped for as a child, worked for as a young adult, attempted to accomplish recently or desire for the future, and ask what if it all came true. Allow the possibility to re-enter your mind and rejoice in your imagination.

The opposition to optimism is negative self talk. The type of debilitating banter you would never utter to anyone but yourself. Developing a what-if attitude and a possibility mindset are the first objections to the negative banter. They break the mold of the humdrum and set the stage for the incredible. No one, and I mean NO ONE, can tell you that you can't do something...even you.

"I am too much of a skeptic to deny the possibility of anything." ~ Thomas Henry Huxley

Stop Trying to Find Your Happiness

At times over the last several years I've felt that I've been on a journey to find happiness.  Almost as if it's some elusive place I had only heard about but failed to find.  I've been extremely happy and proud in my life, don't get me wrong, but that feeling of absolute happiness in my life seemed to escape me.

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." ~ Henry David Thoreau

The search for happiness is filled with dead-ends and wrong road signs.  It's a maze of mediocrity.  I'd hoped I would round the corner again and again and there it would be...happiness.  I search ahead of my path and outside myself for something magical.  Everything I need to be happy is, in fact, right beneath my feet and in my heart.  I began to transition my thoughts from finding happiness to realizing what it is to be happy.  It's appreciation.

What I found was that a gap existed between those two mindsets.  On one hand, my search for happiness left me constantly feeling dissatisfied.  On the other hand, my realization that I needn't search anywhere produced instant satisfaction and appreciation.  The gap--the time it took to understand this--was a breeding ground for negative thoughts.

No matter what I did in my search I left the scene somewhat empty.  No "action" ever produced the happiness I thought I needed.  Happiness is not a action; it's a feeling.  Nothing could have possibly been around the next corner that would have caused me to end my search.  Nothing was good enough to satisfy what I believed I desired.  Repeated frustration and dissatisfaction were the air and water to make my negativity grow.

Conversely, happiness is the feeling of literally standing still and appreciating all that your senses are bringing in right now.  Nothing outside of your mind or heart will produce that feeling, so the realization comes when you understand the tools you need to refocus on positivity and the elements you need to make it grow already exist at this exact moment.

The gap between the two mindsets need not exist.  The ground where you once farmed negative thoughts can instantly become a garden of appreciation.  And, when the positive thoughts have taken over the mind begins to unleash a bounty of joy and happiness.

Stop trying to find your happiness in some other place and starting realizing only you hold the key to unlock the vault of happiness already inside you.

Follow the Bread Crumbs

I've been working on a book for the last four years, although in reality it's been 43 years in the making.  It's about attitude and failure but more specifically how the former affects the latter.  The title is: Falling is the Easy Part.  It is, in part, about failure but more importantly the realization that you'll face your own "now what do I do?" moment.  Life goes on but you need to make a choice first: succumb to the setback or discover the lesson.  The question is, how do you find a positive attitude after falling?  Follow the bread crumbs.

"In life, people trip.  Most people fall.  Some people turn that into a beautiful, beautiful dance." ~ John Mayer

For some reason many of us think of failure as a catastrophic event.  Almost as if it's an irrecoverable slippage from our track through life.  It's not.  We fail in some way nearly every single day.  Granted, there is a significant difference between failing to wake up at sunrise to exercise and failing as an employee by stealing--where deeper underlying character issues need to be resolved--but the point is we easily dismiss many trivial failures quickly.

The real issue here is not whether or not we fail; the issue is a two-step evaluation of the aftermath:

1. How well do we either harbor or jettison the feelings of failure?
2. How much did we value the opportunity?

We often hold on to the feelings of failure because we sulk in the thoughts that we won't realize the benefits of the opportunity had we succeeded.  The aftereffect I brood most about is how my failure might affect my kids' future.  Nothing has happened to justify these thoughts but I somehow continue to battle myself over thoughts of hypotheticals.

Let's take job loss for example.  You've been fired or laid off for some reason, so you reached the point of failure when you became incapable of meeting some expectation you set for yourself.  That expectation was born when you faced an opportunity and imagined the outcome and benefits.  With that you took a step in a new direction and here we are.

Falling down in life is the easy part.  It's the choice thereafter that becomes difficult: succumb to the setback or discover the lesson.  Succumbing to the setback is akin to hiding from life.  It's giving up.  It's using a single event to define an entire lifetime.  It's adopting a belief that everything leading up to that failure was a failure as well.  Such a fallacy!  There you stood weighing the benefits of the opportunity you chose to pursue., and all your actions and decisions up to that exact moment led you to that possibility.  How can you call that a failure?

The truly amazing part is that, believe it or not, you had already failed in some way prior.  Even in the most mundane sense you got on with things after failure and you succeeded again.  Don't you see that you really can overcome setbacks?  The crippling feeling you have now is just your mind fretting over the missed benefits of this opportunity.  That's what is causing you continued distress.  It's your mind focusing on what could have been.

The second option is to discover the lesson.  I can attest that sometimes it's unimaginable to believe something positive can come from failure.  Where do you begin to look for the positive?  In that case, look to the moment of failure and work backward.  Positive decisions and emotions led you to the brink of opportunity.  Now transition your thoughts away from what went wrong and focus on what went right.  Follow the bread crumbs back.  They are clues to help you find the happiness, positive characteristics, confidence and enthusiasm you had.  Only then will you be able to see the entirety of the situation and the path you took.  That is your lesson.

"Sadness is but a wall between two gardens." ~ Khalil Gibran

Recapturing the moment you stood on the brink of opportunity is the positive element I want to focus on.  Prior to your failure you discovered an opportunity and thought so highly of it that you decided to leave your comfort zone and reach for it.  Remember how it made you happy to imagine reaching this goal?  Happiness gave you the confidence to take that step.  Looking back at the job loss example, that job offer came after you stood tall in an interview and sold your abilities!  You convinced the hiring manager or owner that you brought some serious value to the game.  Look in the mirror now and tell me whether that's who you see today.  My bet is no.  Today you are sad, and that sadness is the wall between you and the next opportunity.  Follow the breadcrumbs back to the mindset of yesterday, take a deep breathe and live in that moment.

There's a reason we leave bread crumbs...to find our way back; back to some point in time when we felt the confidence to take another step.  In your time of failure, follow the bread crumbs.

Go All In

When I co-owned a specialty retail store I learned very quickly there was a plethora of merchandise options we could carry in the store.  It was a tough decision to narrow down the possibilities because one category of merchandise segued into the next and so on.  At some point I had to draw the line.  That was when I began thinking about the concept of going all in.  I used to say "if we're going to carry something then we're going to do it all the way: All in."

Later it became clear to me that this mantra was actually a pretty good reminder of how to create the mindset necessary to succeed.  Recently I've struggled with the feeling of being pulled in too many directions.  It's all in my head...I know.  But the point is that I'm not taking my own advice: Go all in.  I can't make decisions in my life if I'm not willing to do it all the way.

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans." ~ Peter F. Drucker

Going all in is committing to your decision.  Following through.  Giving it all you got.  Having confidence in your decisions and, ultimately, yourself.  This is accomplished by a positive attitude.  An attitude of optimism which leads to decisiveness.  You can't take that leap of faith unless you believe.  Pessimism breeds doubt and you begin attacking your decision with what-ifs.

Life, love, business and happiness all require you to go all in.  Consider all of your options--of course--but when you make your decision give it your all.  Eight working hours per day become far less if your mind is playing games and considering your doubts.  Your productivity suffers and your creativity is diverted to finding an escape.  There are no doubts in success; there are only lessons learned.  But still again, to really learn the lesson you need to fully commit yourself to the decision.

"Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it's a relationship, a business or a hobby." ~ Neil Strauss

Making the decision to draw the line in my store was good.  Rather than scratch the surface of too many possibilities I was able to create depth in a qualified few.  I had a reason for everything on the shelf.  Do you have a reason for everything in your life?  If so, don't sell yourself short and simply go all in!

The List

I like to make lists.  Somewhat.  I don't enjoy actually writing the list out on a piece of paper or the nearest junk mail envelope.  Rather, I make mental lists of things I'd like to accomplish today, tomorrow, next week, next month, etc.  To me making a list is the manner in which I scroll through my thoughts to prioritize what really matters to me.  

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." ~ Soren Kierkeaard

Then I got to thinking.  I've made mistakes in my past (as we all have to some degree) and it can be easy in times of idleness or difficulty to think back and pine for the greatness I once had.  Make no mistake, I have a very carefully crafted list in my head at this exact moment and I know what I want for my future, but I just can't help to think I drifted off track.  My long term list includes activities that will allow me to continue to grow as a person, be happy and successful again.

But why do I need a list to get there?  Making a list requires, in part, a retrospective assessment and consideration of the options ahead.  It's a filtering mechanism derived from our experiences, hopes and desires.  Think about this for a moment: make a very short list of things you'd like to try or places you'd like to visit.  For example, when you created this list about places you'd like to visit you likely began thinking of places you've either previously visited or read/heard about.  Even if you sat in front of a globe, spun it on its axis and stopped it with your finger in a random spot, your mind immediately scrolled through memories to recall what you knew of Istanbul. 

"What's past is prologue." ~ William Shakespeare

No matter where you are in your journey through life create that list for yourself: the list of what you want or desire in the days ahead.  This has nothing to do with being unhappy or ungrateful with your current position; you can be completely happy and still want more for yourself.  It's about understanding that taking the time to create your list is essentially appreciating your past and realizing that every single moment has had a purpose.  Were it not for the past you would have no clue what you want.  Understand that every rise and fall, laugh and cry, moment of exhilaration and trepidation have become the recipe for you to create this list, and only then can you truly be grateful for the past and the present.

"There are two beautiful aspects of getting older: we have more days behind us to better understand what we truly want and a greater appreciation for the days ahead to make it happen." ~ Jason Huntsinger