Patience, My Friend, Patience

I'll just come out and say it: I lack patience. I become impatient and frustrated when there just isn't enough time in the day, or days in my life. The same optimistic mindset telling me there are 1,440 moments in a single day to create good also tells me there are only 1,440 moments in this day to accomplish everything I want to do.  Neither my drive nor my desire are my limitations; it's the fact that there are infinite possibilities in a finite day.

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." ~ Aristotle

I almost can't even say it convincingly to myself but I may be getting close to the halfway point in my life. With so many items on my to-do list of life, how do I even begin to whittle the possibilities down into actionable choices? I've spent the last few years feeling as if I've been back at the starting line waiting to gain traction. I'm missing out on opportunities to enjoy this because I'm trying to get to that. It's really a sensitive balance, it seems. I work to enjoy my current situation while still seeking opportunities to improve that situation. I feel that's an important desire to maintain throughout my life: improvement.

In my mind, improvement is growth. I'm beginning to finally understand that improvement is not an unhappiness with the current situation, rather it's a desire to make something good even better. Not understanding this has been part of my restlessness. I tended to focus on the next step rather than enjoying the moment. My ignorance of the present and farsightedness breeds impatience and worry. I'm spent much of my adult life worrying whether I'd get there.

Have I really spent precious time in my life pining for something more? How many days have I lost pining for something intangible? Happiness. Security. Acceptance. Power. I celebrated my 43rd birthday recently and one phrase comes to mind:

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." ~ Douglas Adams

In hindsight, my life's road map perhaps seems more like a blind scavenger hunt full of ups and downs, turns and roadblocks, celebration and misery, success and failure. My impatience to reach the next point has been wasted effort and, again in hindsight, pointless. I am capable of being in just one place at a time and that place is always right here: the present. The only step I can be sure of is the one I'm taking now.

A new calendar year is approaching and a new year in my life is upon me already. So, I vow to be more patient. I vow to enjoy the moment, smell the roses, take in the sights and just find peace. If I can't find peace in this immediate moment how in the world can I expect to find such peace in the next? Forty-three years have shown me that I can't. Patience, my friend, patience...the moments will come as they should and when they should.

"Life is a gift. Don't forget to say thank you." ~ Jason Huntsinger