Failure is Subjective

There is significant power in putting the past behind you, and focusing on this moment.  The past is over and can never be changed, the future is unknown and the only thing we have is this moment.  As reminders, there are countless quotes, blogs, videos and books about the value of failure, and using failure as a learning tool.

"Those who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try nothing and succeed." ~ Lloyde Jones

I get that.  I understand that failure is a sign of action, and action trumps everything.  In fact, I find inspiration in the stories of the great and influential people who had once failed to some degree.  Take this video for example...

Here's what I see.  All of the examples in this video involve some one's judgment of another which led to a perceived "failure."  They didn't reach their goal.  Someone told them they were worthless.  Stupid.  Not good enough.  A failure.  At times we perceive a failure when someone or something gets in our way.  But, what about the other kind of failure?  The kind we bring on ourselves?  Is there a difference between a good failure and a bad one?  Failure is a subjective term, and completely relative to the person feeling this sensation.  What I've learned is a failure is only bad if you fail to learn from it.

There are certainly different levels of failure, don't get me wrong.  Some failures result in other people getting hurt.  Those around us who love us.  This is more of a breach of trust.  But true personal failure, it seems, is subjective.  We all have different ideas of what we consider failure to be.  Success means different things to different people, too.  Life is a continuous learning process, which may never be truly perfected.  And, in order to recover from a failure we must have a desire to learn from it and move on.  This requires us to take responsibility for the actions and choices leading to the failure, and resolving to never give up.  It's been reported that Thomas Edison experimented with more than 1,500 elements while improving the electric light bulb.  He never gave up.  Treat life as he did the light bulb.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time." ~ Thomas Edison   

When we categorize aspects of our lives as failures we apply a stigma to ourselves which drains our motivation.  In John C. Maxwell's book, Failing Forward, he addresses the misconception that if we fail then we must be a failure.  That is absurd!  Life is process, not a single moment, and a single act will not define our life's work.  Failure is but a moment in time that for some reason we attach so much weight and shame to.

In order to move beyond this self-imposed stigma, this one moment in time we repeatedly wear like a weighted vest, we've got to remain motivated.  Motivated to grow, learn and succeed.  Motivation is an internal driving force.  Don't you see that in order for us to overcome this stigma that we place on ourselves, we need to generate the motivation to overcome it.  It is completely within our control, and it places the power of redemption within us.  My motivation is my belief that I am better than any of my failures.  The source behind our motivation is a desire to do better.  Do you have that desire?  The desire to break free of the failure?

What if we just stopped calling all of the mistakes, poor choices and disappointments in our lives failures?  What if we called them lessons?  What if, rather than feeling shame for not succeeding, we critically examine the situation and our choices, readily claim responsibility and take the next step to use the situation as a stepping stone?  We could bypass the notion that we failed in the first place and simply view this as an opportunity to learn.  That is powerful.  

I'll finish here with a short video.  The animated movie Meet the Robinsons shares a wonderful message in response to failure--Keep Moving Forward!  There are so many moments in our lives that we could celebrate for the learning opportunity, rather than become paralyzed with shame.  Failure is subjective.  It's just a title we place on ourselves when we don't succeed.  But, the really amazing thing about subjectivity is that we can simply change our perception.

Taking the Leap

Lately I've been drawn to videos of wingsuit flying.  Aside from the obvious (seeing a human flying at 150 miles per hour down a mountain), something else seems to draw my attention so honestly.  It's the fact that I have a genuine interest in seeing people push themselves past their comfort zone to achieve a goal.  The following video got my attention...

What I find so incredible about this man, whose name is Espen Fadnes, are the motions and emotions he shares, both verbally and physically--excitement, fear, honesty and preparation.  The image of him standing on the edge of the cliff working through the routine of the flight he is about to take literally takes me to the edge of my seat.  What he says makes him real to me.  "People who've seen me about to  fly off a cliff say I look perfectly calm.  It's the complete opposite.  I'm terrified.  I've just developed techniques and methods to cope with the fear."

This man is about to jump off of a cliff and perform a feat he has probably done hundreds of times, and he is talking about using techniques to overcome fear.  At some point this feat was a goal for him.  How many of us have fears about reaching our goals?  I do.  I've read many books about business and success on my journey.  One common theme is to focus on achieving your goal.  That is one of those ideologies that can be easier said than done.

It is easy to sit at a table with a nice cup of coffee and plan out some sort of life plan for success.  "In a perfect world I will do this, and they will do that, and then I will do this."  The work comes when we try to put that plan into effect.  Other factors don't always cooperate.  But the solution is not to simply stop dreaming or planning.  Let's look at how Fadnes works a dream into a reality.  There are some lessons to be learned.

First he works up the plan.  He maps out the location and terrain, and then figures the most natural route.  Notice when he maps out the route it is the path of least resistance.  That is how our plans for success should be, too.  He doesn't try to gain elevation to overtake a ledge.  He doesn't try to smash through a mountain.  He maneuvers his body to work around it.  One turn after another.  A concert of choices leading to a path of least resistance.  He has conceived his route to success.

Next he gathers the proper equipment.  This may seem like an obvious step but how obvious is it in our own lives?  Once we have a plan how well do we gather the right equipment to accomplish this plan?  To facilitate our path of least resistance?  I will leave this open-ended intentionally because it is YOUR plan and you need to find the tools to navigate the route that's best worked for you.

As he prepares to step off the cliff he goes through the routine again.  This is a calculated approach to his success.  Look at his body language.  He is so fully focused on reaching his goal that he literally walks through the flight plan, moving his body in the motions he has planned out.  He is visualizing the route to success, every step.  The plan is set and he is committed to following it.  There are no last minute changes he's making on the edge of the cliff.  He believes mightily in his plan now so he rehearses it and lives it in his mind.  Can we see ourselves living the plan we've developed?  It's rather difficult to focus this intently on a plan we are only half committed to.  If we can't see ourselves reaching the goal we are not ready to be standing on the edge of the cliff.  Period.

And then, the jump.  Fadnes says himself that he is "terrified" but he musters the courage to step off.  This is a real man, like you and me, completely aware of the consequences of failure, but confident in the plan he has developed, the equipment he's gathered, and the movements he's calculated.  He hasn't overcome fear with suppositions.  He's overcome it with knowledge, planning, commitment and faith.  These characteristics will allow him to achieve his goal.  When we are at this point to leap off are we just as committed?  More importantly, are we as enthusiastic about our commitment?  He steps off hard!  Once we reach this point in our lives, we should be so fully committed to our cause that we leap with determination as well.  The goal is down there, through the path of least resistance, waiting for us now.

I know it can be terrifying to step off the cliff we see in front of us.  I feel it often.  I feel myself about to step off,  looking down at my ravine (failure) and hoping that the plan I've developed works out.  There are times I have to admit that I may not be ready.  My belief should far outweigh my doubt.  The "leap" is setting into motion a plan we've developed for our own success, however we define that word.  Starting a business.  Changing an attitude.  Changing jobs.  These are major life-changing events which, in order to become viable successes, require the steps above.

Today, practice this with some very minor goal.  Something small.  It takes practice to become comfortable.  But it is doable.  The choice is ours to reach our goals.  No one else's.  Go make your dream your reality.

"Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." ~ W. Clement Stone

Life Getting in the Way?

As you can see I have deviated from my norm.  I am no longer calling my posts Today's Fuel.  This is a big step for me but there is a purpose.  I am cataloging these posts and ideas in preparation of writing my book.  The title is written in pencil at this point, but it's about adjusting your perception of who you see in the mirror.  Further to follow...

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I recently viewed this short YouTube video of Mel Robbins speaking to a group in which she talked about "getting out of the weeds."  It's a great spin on the concept of "life getting in the way."  And it got me thinking...what the hell does that really mean?  Are we really just passive participants in our own lives?  I know that I've said that phrase more than I care to admit because it's an easy way to say "I've given up on __________ (fill in the blank)."  It's not life that got in my way though, it was me.  We get in our own way of reaching our goals.  We are, at times, our own worst deterrent to success and happiness.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  It's because we choose to avoid change in favor of predictability.  We fall into routines with work, life and relationships because it's easier, less risky and requires less thought.  But I don't believe that is human nature!  Our nature is to grow, live, discover and explore.  Look at this commercial for Red Bull...

These are extreme examples of human performance and initiative, but what about any of the great explorers, entrepreneurs, athletes, inventors or innovators?  At some point they all made a choice to deviate from the routine and do something unpredictable.  In most cases, outsiders looked on with skepticism and doubt.  Ever hear of the Wright Brothers?  My favorite line from that Red Bull commercial is this -- "The only limit is the one you set yourself."  How true is that?  The limitation many of us face is actually right between our own ears.  Habits, routines and predictability are safe but whose life is this to live?  A series of extraordinary events had to take place in a very specific order for us to enter this life.  When you think about it in those terms, it raises the question "what am I going to do with this life and how do I start?"

"I can't believe God put us on this earth to be ordinary." ~ Lou Holtz

An article on Forbes.com titled How to Get Out of Your Own Way addresses just that.  "And like anything, if you do something over and over it becomes a habit. Your view of the world becomes conditioned."  It's scary to think about changing our lives.  Just as the article suggests, perhaps the answer is to take it in small increments and then evaluate.  No one says it's an all-or-nothing proposition, but something is always better than nothing!

If we go back to Mel Robbins' talk about getting out of the weeds and start looking at our daily lives we will soon realize our weeds may have started growing with these routines and habits, but it's sometimes more than just predictability that holds us where we are.  We now have commitments and other responsibilities that prevent us from getting where or what we want.  Ah ha...that's life getting in the way!  Hooey!  We control all of this whether we believe it or not.

In his book, The Power of Less, Leo Babauta provides a straightforward approach to reducing the non-essential in our lives which frees up time, resources and focus to pursue our dreams.  He lists eight questions we must ask ourselves to find out what is essential to us.

1. What are your values?
2. What are your goals?
3. What do you love?
4. What is important to you?
5. What has the biggest impact in your life?
6. What has the most long-term impact?
7. What are your needs versus wants?
8. What non-essentials can you immediately eliminate?

The point behind all of this is that life never gets in the way.  That's a cop-out.  Yes, it is scary to break out of the box we've trapped ourselves in to chase our dreams.  People may doubt you.  You may doubt yourself.  You may even fail.  But amazingly, failure is not permanent and you ultimately have complete control over making this decision.  Happiness and success are matters of choice and perception.  

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." ~ Bill Cosby

Does the fire inside you burn hot enough to make you take a chance?  If the answer is yes, then start right this very second by dropping the phrase "Life is getting in the way" from your vocabulary.  It has no place in our heads and we are not passengers in our lives.  Take accountability.  Follow Babauta's process to identify what is essential in your life and drop the rest.  Take control.  Create a list of the steps you need to take to meet your goals and do it.

It's true, we do get in our own way sometimes.  But what makes life so amazing is that just as easily as we can stop our own progress, we can also get behind our own ideas and become the strongest advocate.  Get out of your weeds, live the life you have imagined and choose the route to happiness and success.  Life is not in the way...life is the opportunity!

Action

"Action trumps everything."

I really love this quote because it is so simple and true.  Action is the answer...period.  Action is the deliberate effort to do something.  In my mind "something" is moving toward my goals.

Whenever the new year comes around people often make resolutions to change something in their lives.  I've even heard them called "bucket lists" recently.  This name implies something to do before we "kick the bucket."  I hate that!  While I agree that we are perishable items on this earth, our goals ought not be simply a check box before we die.  Think about the effort it took to overcome a fear and make the effort to do something.  Really think back.  That first jump you launched yourself off with your bicycle.  The first time you mustered the courage to ask that special girl to prom.  The first job interview you walked into.  These all took courage and were building steps to the people we are today.  Building, not bucket.  We are building foundations for ourselves.

Life is about finding ourselves and becoming everything we imagined we could be.  Ever heard the phrase, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination"?  The journey begins with a single step and continues throughout our entire lives.  All too often people think that they must suffer in the years spent working so they can reach retirement, but when they reach retirement years they only relax and wind down.  I disagree.  I believe the entire journey from beginning to end is a building process.  It is the moments that should be enjoyed and celebrated, not ignored in pursuit of the next phase.

Now apply that to failure.  Failure is a moment in the journey of a lifetime.  Failure is merely a bent nail in the foundations we are building for ourselves.  It can become as significant to the final project as we allow it to be.  What does this have to do with action?  Everything.  Action trumps everything.  Failure causes us to stop dead in our tracks.  It forces us to reconsider the structure of the foundation.  It not only makes us halt but it convinces us to look back with worry.  Has it all been a sham?  Where do we go from here?  Therein lies the choice.  The two options are to give up building the foundation or push ahead.  Action.  Action trumps everything.  The latter is the key because life is a journey and failure is merely a checkpoint to re-evaluate, it does not compromise the integrity of the foundation.

There are countless successful and influential people who have literally changed their own lives, and the lives of many who follow them.  I love the imagery of a serene pond or lake with a glassy surface.  It is as if the water is asleep waiting for something.  Then a small pebble pierces its surface and the ripples radiate from the center in exponentially larger rings.  What one thing initiated the response?  Action.

Failure has stopped us all in our tracks -- some longer than others.  The next time it happens muster the courage, take a single step and imagine the ripples radiating from that move.  We all have the right to pursue happiness while we build the foundation of a lifetime.  The pursuit of happiness requires action to keep moving.  Action trumps everything.