A Single Book of Matches

I'm spending the Christmas holiday in rural southern Indiana so I've had the opportunity to run the rolling country roads where acres separate homes rather than just steps.  Running = time to think.  While on my run yesterday I was listening to music and the song Pyro by Kings of Leon came on.  The first line caught my attention: A single book of matches gonna burn what's standing in the way.

There is something really powerful about that line.  It's akin to the phrase that a single match can burn an entire forest.  One small spark can have a massive impact.  But that's not always a bad thing.  What is my single book of matches?  At times it has been a personal struggle that burns away what I've built and worked for.  Yet, more often, it has been a relentless desire to achieve a goal that burns away obstacles.

"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it.  Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way." ~ Les Brown 

Life is all about choices.  We all face opportunities and obstacles, crossroads and open highways.  The beauty of choice, if we so choose to see it this way, is that a single book of matches can burn whatever is standing in the way.  We can turn a single idea into a passion.  We are the only ones who get to choose whether our book of matches is positive or negative.  When I have nurtured an idea to the point that I wake in the morning and can't wait to get out of bed to begin working on it, it seems as thought nothing could stand in my way.  My mind gets into a flow of overcoming obstacles and my momentum builds. My single book of matches is an idea sparked by motivation.  Conversely, when I've struggled in life I've allowed poor choices to build with similar momentum.

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

This really comes down to understanding the power we have over our minds and the ability to decide the mindset we bring to life, understanding that we can dictate the outcome of our lives one day at a time and understanding that, if we want to change, it is never too late to start right now.  Take an active role in your life and begin to see life in a positive manner.  Find your passion and develop a plan.  Make choices that build.  Ignite the flame in your soul that is bright enough to burn the obstacles in your way.

Crash and Burn

"My past is everything I failed to be." ~ Fernando Pessoa

As I see it there are two main categories of failure (my common and unrelenting theme).  Just to make sure we are starting from the same point, let's agree that failure is essentially understood as a lack of success (Merriam-Webster dictionary).  The most commonly considered failure is the good ol' crash and burn.  The type where you make that fatal mistake or misjudgment which leads to an undesired outcome.  The outcome we hadn't expected or anticipated when we set off on this journey.

Whenever I read books or articles, or even watch videos, about overcoming failure I'm left with one question: what kind of failure do you mean?  It almost seems as if the types of failure that Tony Robbins or Dale Carnegie build from involve a situation that, somewhat passively, just happened.  The journey to our perceived success is a series of actions that we take, right?  A series of foundation-building choices that we make.

Failure, in any sense of the word, is due to a miscalculation, misstep or poor choice that we made.  The choice that preceded our action.  If you don't see that then you're not looking back far enough to the root of the failure.  Even when we make decisions contrary to public norms in our personal lives, which can and do lead to failure, if you look back far enough you'll find that your failure began before that choice.  The failure manifested itself here, but you failed back there.

On our journey to succeed, which in some form of the word means to have more successes than failures in life, we form a plan making one choice after another and somewhere along the line we will inevitably fuck up.  Period. We all do. Some produce a more brilliant fireball than others--it's called a crash and burn for a reason--but the point is that we all make the wrong choice.  The set of circumstances before us at any given moment coupled with our mindset and the weight of the world around us shapes our perception of the options before us.  CEOs of major corporations and street level drug dealers all have reasons for their misjudgments that made some sense at the time, but in the end they will suffer a crash and then burn at a level relational to there status.

Whether your failure stems from a miscalculation or an egregious choice, once you've faced the backlash it is time to rebuild from this failure.  It really makes no difference how you failed but it makes all the difference in the world how you recover.  No matter what the failure, your obligation to the world is to continue to pursue your calling or destiny.  You need to find and deliver your value to this world for your own sake.  This is what will define you and your life, and ultimately show the world who you really are.

"You are what you do, not what you say you'll do." ~ C.G. Jung

But let's focus on one key point in the crash and burn type of failure...you took action!!  You overcame some fear that could have kept you in your comfort zone, but you chose to break out and take action.  So, for that, I say BRAVO!!  You see, the other type of failure is a failure to launch.  I believe a failure to launch creates a foundation for regret far more than even the most outrageously poor decisions.  When you take some action--igniting your soul onto a path of your dreams--you've made the most crucial choice possible: you acted.  Your sole (i.e. your soul), which was once resting comfortably on a solid and easily predictable surface, had left its comfort zone.

Any misstep from that point is an opportunity to gain constructive feedback on your choice.  Step, learn and build.  Step, learn and build.  Step, fall, learn and build.  Step, learn and build.  The only real failure here is if you fail to learn from the misstep.  Yet, in a failure to launch you truly deny yourself the opportunity to succeed.

"Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival." ~ Steve Maraboli

Some fear taking those first few steps because they fear the possibility of failure.  Perhaps the fear is learned from past failures, or perhaps it's just a misinformed perception of failure.  I assure you that every step you take towards your goal will contain in itself a seed of success.  There are so many parables about a forest fire here.  Sometimes it takes a crash and burn to release the seed from its protective shell so that it can finally take root.  As devastating as a forest fire is, often it's the purest way to regenerate new growth.  This would never be an option for you if you fail to launch.

"You're depriving your soul, and your sole, unless you take that first step towards your greatness." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

The Mindset of Regret

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

This is an interesting quote considering a 2014 study that reportedly shows mice exhibit regret as humans do.  Regret is a strong word to use and perhaps it's best to begin by defining my use of it here.  It is an emotion of sadness about a choice that has already been made.  It is different than mere disappointment; regret is repentance about a past decision.

Although the quote above suggests a missed opportunity, what I really want to discuss is how regret can become a paralyzing mindset.  Yes, paralyzing.  The recollection of a regretted decision can become the catalyst for self-doubt on a massive scale.  It's like finding a crack in the foundation of your life.  Even thought you've known it was there and you've built a magnificent life over it, the occasional observation of its presence casts a pall of gloom over everything.  This mindset is not necessarily a continual thought but when it arrives it is numbing.

The issue here--besides the obviousness of emotional paralysis--is that our lives are a journey of stepping stones we place.  When thoughts become a defeatist mindset of regret the path of the stones we lay goes askew.  If we fail to be cognizant of this effect then our mindset of regret becomes a limit we place upon ourselves, no matter how well we recover or build over it.  One single choice can have seemingly continuing collateral consequences both for you and those whose lives intersect with yours.  But, that is somewhat true and false of every decision whether regrettable or agreeable.  Our lives are fluid, rapidly evolving, and cannot follow a set path, nor can those lives around us.  So, the issue really becomes finding a way to avoid lamenting in our choices of the past and, ultimately, overcome this mindset.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future." ~ Steve Maraboli

I recently had a conversation with my future father-in-law about the work/family balance.  This is a man who has remained married to his high school sweetheart, raised two wonderful and successful children, provided well for his family and is now reaching retirement.  Yet, even in all his professional and familial success he finds moments of regret.  My point is that no one is immune to their mind creeping in.

I've come to understand there are two methods to prevent the mindset of regret.  First, is to understand the choice, once made, is immediately in the past.  As time continues to pass the collateral consequences become less and less linked to our choice because every element that we believe to be a collateral effect has the ability to remain fluid and correct itself.  No element is entirely parasitic and life is not completely linear thus an unanticipated trajectory needn't remain out of control.  The first method is to focus on the here-and-now, and what choices you can make now.

The second method is to consider the totality of it all.  All too often we take a single moment from life and try to define ourselves by it.  We tend to generalize our lives into one lifetime but the reality is we experience 10.5 million minutes in just the first twenty years of life and each is an opportunity to make a new choice.  Considering the totality of it all is finding a way to be kinder to ourselves and take pride in this life we live.  Every decision brought us to this moment and we can all find something special about it.

"Good or bad, right or wrong, the choices I make in my life are the brush strokes on the canvas of my lifetime.  I assure you--both critics and admirers--that the finished product of my life will be a work of art and will not disappoint." ~ Jason Huntsinger 

Losing Your Focus

"We've spent so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

For some unknown reason we all tend to judge one another.  Perhaps it offers us some solace to believe others have imperfections or character flaws when we feel most vulnerable.

We all have some notion of what the world should be and how everyone we meet should fit into that idea.  It's a massive template we lay over our world, our version of life, and our version of the constant battle between right and wrong.  When someone doesn't fit our plan or ideals we pass judgment on them.

Do we ever stop to realize that everyone we meet is doing the exact same to us?  The people we come across every day, both face-to-face and in this electronic world, are laying their own templates before them in an effort to navigate life.

To put it in the most simple of term, we are all on a personal journey on this mighty blue marble.  But, a journey to where?  It's a journey that somehow seems unfathomably long at the beginning yet painfully quick at the end.  A journey of intense elation and near unbearable heartbreak.  A journey that seems sinuous at times and undeviating at others.  A journey of falling down and getting back up.  We are all on a journey to become better versions of ourselves and attain some level of fulfillment.

It's a personal journey that lasts an entire lifetime.

"Imagine a life where people realized every minute they spent judging one another was one less minute they had to find their own true purpose. It is here now and all it takes is for us to start." ~ Jason Huntsinger

So, why in the world do we shift our focus from our own game plan to one of judgement towards others?  Others have lived and failed, stood tall and slumped, perhaps already faced their greatest challenge or are facing it right this moment.  And here we sit with our own life passing us by, even for just a second, while we shake our proverbial head at them.

We all have the ability to create the most amazing story ever lived; one day at a time, one step at a time and one breath at a time.  No where in this opportunity or along this journey is it acceptable to keep someone down with your judgement.  So I implore you, the next time you find yourself having negative, judgmental thoughts about someone remember every one's journey hits highs and lows, and realign your focus on creating a beautiful story.

"To love a man enough to help him, you have to forfeit the warm, self-righteous glow that comes from judging." ~ Ron Hall 

     

Bumpy Roads: Beautiful Places

Since moving back to Montana I've pined for the views and sensations of standing atop the peaks of the Bridger Mountains.  So one day we set out to hike Sacajawea Peak.  We turned off the main road and began winding our way up the mountain to the trailhead.  It turned from a dirt road to a terribly bumpy road.  I thought about turning around several times.

We continued, bumping and bouncing, along that "road" and found many suitable turnouts along the way.  Many suitable places to give up.  But we continued.  When we reached the trailhead it was surprisingly packed with cars.  I truly expected the lot to be empty and I was shocked to find the types of cars that made that trip up the long and bumpy road.

The trail was exceptional.  It moved through the trees into an open trail across the mountain to a beautiful saddle.  From that point we could see down onto both sides.  But we pressed on to the peak. The journey was well worth the effort; well worth the bumps and well worth the worry.

Isn't that how life goes, too?  We set out to reach a goal but the road gets bumpy so we begin to look for suitable turnouts along the way.  Justifiable points to quit and get off the bumpy road.  When that happens you must press on.  The bumpiest roads lead to the most beautiful places.

What makes successful people different is that their actions are more linear and in alignment with their goals.  "Life is little more than a series of overlapping stories about who we are, where we came from and how we survive." Success comes from linking these together so that your story is one of building and growth, even with a healthy dose of failure growth must occur.

Think back to when you set this goal.  To when your frame of mind convinced you to set out and accomplish this goal or make this journey.  It was likely a mindset of inspiration or motivation, when your soul thrived for the challenge.  It came from a time when your mind was linking a previous accomplishment to your goal.  Don't quit...stay the course.

However, if for some reason you fail to reach that goal this time, if the road is just too bumpy, consider it a lesson.  Back up to the point where you conceived this plan and factor in the new information. All is not lost, it is simply an incremental gain.  The road ahead dares you to try while the road behind bows to your perseverance.  These are your goals and accomplishments, and it is up to you to link the two.

Bumpy roads lead to beautiful places.