The other day I was telling a friend about a guy who has been rude to me lately. It seems this guy has held a grudge against me and, four years later, can't or won't let it go. My friend said, "Think about the real estate you own in his head!" He walks around day after day with a little piece of me inside his head, eating at him. How pathetic!
I got a chuckle out of that concept but it made me think. Whenever I hear a phrase like that I tend to think about it from the opposite side: Who am I letting own real estate in my head? In don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements, there is one agreement that I have struggled with most of my life and it proves to be relevant here: Don't take it personally. I've struggled with that because there have been times in the past when I have had a hard time getting over someone mistreating me. I've gotten angry and held a grudge which affected the way I felt inside and the way I treated other people. It creates a negative ripple effect that goes on and on.
Giving in to this mistreatment is the ultimate example of handing over your power; letting someone into my head consumes space for happiness. I realized I needed to master the real estate in my head because it is far too valuable to give away. As soon as I started thinking about my mind as valuable real estate I began to realize I had complete control over its development, and in turn, complete control over what filled my mind. The thoughts and emotions I feel and express start inside and I have control.
No matter how someone else treats you, never take it personally. That is the quickest way to invite them in and give up that valuable real estate. I'll close with Ruiz's words about holding a grudge.
"Someone else's actions have nothing to do with you. We have no idea what someone is going through. They may be suffering a loss, or getting a divorce. If we think that someone's silence or rage is about us, then we are being run by our ego and not our spirit."
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